


the night the earth stood still

by LKTM



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, kind of, this is my first fic pls be nice to me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 48,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LKTM/pseuds/LKTM
Summary: Therese is a graduate literature student about to begin her last semester seminar, in which she will finally get to meet and work with Carol Ross, the secretive author who she's idolized for years. Two nights before her last-first day of class, she takes home a mysterious blonde who manages to drive her wild without even telling her her name. When class begins, Therese finds herself looking into the same icy eyes that had stared up at her from between her thighs just a few nights ago.A.k.a, Therese accidentally has sex with her idol and then has to figure out how to sit through class with her.
Relationships: Carol Aird & Therese Belivet, Carol Aird/Therese Belivet
Comments: 410
Kudos: 761





	1. Chapter 1

Time always had a habit of standing still for Therese Belivet.

It would happen when she was least expecting it. One moment the wind would blast through her hair as she meandered through Central Park, the next she would watch as a leaf hung in the air, having broken from the tree in the gust. It hovered there, mid-air and motionless, for several seconds before life began again and it drifted to the ground. Therese always glanced around her when this happened, searching the faces of whoever may be near to see if they, too, had captured the near-supernatural moment that had just occurred. Alas, no one ever appeared as bothered as she.

Therese had always just assumed it was her subconscious reminding her to stay present; she had an awful habit of slipping into daydreams. Her life ran on autopilot, and she often found herself arriving at her destination without a single memory of her journey. Whenever this happened, she would frown and claw a hand through her dark hair to push it from her forehead – she hated how it stuck there – before expelling a heavy sigh. How could she call herself a living being if she operated through her day so mechanically? Every time she swore she would be more mindful of the world around her, and every time she forgot. So, then, it was always moments like these that forced her to really attend to what surrounded her.

As much as these moments unsettled her, there was something about them that she treasured. Maybe it was the opportunity to breathe without eyes boring into her. Maybe it was the sheer fact that she alone bore witness to whatever miniscule event time happened to focus on. Maybe, just maybe, it was that she felt that these were the important moments of her life. That these moments where time stopped and forced her fully into her mind and her body were important somehow. Signs of something to come, good or bad.

The day the leaf fell was when she had received notice of her enrollment at NYU. Another day, she watched a snowflake dissolve in slow motion only to receive a phone call moments later that her mother had passed after years without contact. Once, when she had been so far inside her daydreams that she hadn’t noticed a car barreling toward her as she stepped into the street, its honk dying in the air, everything froze. Therese had caught her breath and squeezed her eyes shut, waiting until the moment things resumed and she felt the blast; however, what she felt next was a sharp thud of her body being slammed by another against the sidewalk as tires screeched in the distance. Her eyes fluttered open then to look up at the boy above her. Though his brow was furrowed beneath a mess of curly brown hair, a cheeky grin stretched his lips.

“You forgot to look both ways,” he quipped. Therese stared up at him blankly then, before softly smiling herself. He had grabbed her hand, hauled her up, and walked down the street with her as if he had known her forever. That had been the day she met Dannie, her best friend and current roommate. She was 14 then. It had been 10 years since that day, the world starting and stopping as it saw fit. After all this time, she thought she had grown used to the mystery of it all. _She thought._

It happened again that evening. Mid-inhale, Therese felt the world draw to a stop. The rustling of sheets grew silent and still, and out the window she could see that the stars had stopped their twinkling. Sweat froze on her flushed skin and even in the stillness Therese felt her arms and neck break out into goosebumps. Even when the world froze, she did not. She felt a flush slowly creep up her chest and neck until her cheeks burned. Her eyes drifted down, locking with the icy blue ones that hovered just above her naked hips. Therese had her hands fisted in the golden hair of the woman below her and she gasped as she took in her parted lips, her flushed face, and the hunger in her stare. Therese felt her heart jump, and she realized with a shock that she had never reacted this way to a freeze before. Then, without warning, the freeze melted as Therese watched the woman dip her tongue into the curve of her hip, sending fire searing into the center of her body.

 _Shit_ , she thought. _What have I gotten myself into?_

~~~~

**5 hours earlier**

The clinking of beer bottles echoed across the table, and Therese drew hers back to take a deep swig. She and her friends had gone out to celebrate, albeit a bit preemptively. In two days, they all were to begin their final semester of graduate school. Therese sat on the edge of the table, her leg anxiously bouncing and knocking into Dannie’s thigh. Next to him sat his girlfriend, Louise, a petite redhead with an infectious smile. Therese saw the way Danny looked at her, could see the stars twinkling in his honey gaze. They were perfect for each other. Across the table sat Genevieve, the mathematician. Next to her was Phil, Danny’s brother, hair slicked back and lips drawn into a thin line. Despite his antagonistic attitude, Therese still felt a sense of kinship with him. And finally, at the opposite edge of the table sat Richard. His eyes kept trying to lock on hers no matter how much she flickered her gaze. He was leering, and regardless of who was talking he always was looking at her.

Therese found herself leaning back slightly, attempting to hide her body behind Dannie’s. While Therese was not _inexperienced_ in any way, she tended toward shorter-lived encounters. Richard was, unfortunately, one of her more regretful encounters. The night was a blur in her mind, her body drawing up an uncomfortable feeling of suffocation, pressure, and stinging when she tried to remember. A shudder raced down her spine straight to her stomach, which twisted uncomfortably. She raised the bottle back to her lips, trying to drink away the sensation.

Slowly the sounds of conversation drifted back to her.

“So, Dannie. How’s it feel to get so close to the end and then trip at the finish line?” Phil teased, a single brow cocked. Dannie, in response, held up his middle finger,

“Fuck off. All I have left is my thesis, and I’m already halfway done. I just need to force myself to sit down and put my fingers to the keys,” said Dannie, wiggling his fingers suggestively. Next to him, Louise blushed and shifted to bump him with her shoulder. He cackled in response while Phil’s scowl deepened. Genevieve, perhaps noticing the faraway look in Therese’s eyes, leaned forward on her arms to speak more closely to her,

“Are you nervous?” Therese jolted slightly before allowing her a half smile.

“A little, I guess,” she said. Gen lifted a brow and Therese held up her hands in surrender. “Alright, fine. I’m terrified. I applied to this program for the seminar I’m about to start, and now that I’m here… I don’t know. I just can’t believe it.” Gen gently thwapped her on the arm, grinning.

“You’ll be fine, Ter. But, if you want to settle your nerves…” she trailed off, motioning as subtly as possible with a shift of her eyes. Therese followed her gaze to a corner of the bar. At the bar sat a woman with a martini glass held to her lips. Her eyes shifted around the bar, searching for nothing. Then, as if she felt herself being watched, her eyes locked onto Therese’s. Ice blue. Slowly her lips twisted into a smile, soft but knowing. Therese felt a blush creep onto her cheeks, but she held her gaze nonetheless. They both remained unmoving until Therese felt a hard kick to her shin; she hissed through her teeth and turned to glare at Gen.

“You bitch. What was that for?” she said, though she smiled wryly at Gen, who was giggling.

“Go talk to her. I’ve only ever seen you go home with someone when you were almost too drunk to stand. You’re half a bottle in and giving her goo-goo eyes.” Therese flushed again, looking at the table and fiddling with the beer bottle in her hands. “Go,” Gen repeated. “Go before I drag you over there by your ear.”

“Fine, fine. Okay! I’m going, I’m going. Dannie,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder to draw his attention, “If I go missing, it’s her fault,” she said with a nod of her eyes to Gen, who beamed proudly. Beer in hand, Therese stood and turned back to the woman across the bar. She was staring unabashedly, martini glass still at her mouth; it was as if she hadn’t moved. Therese wanted to look smooth, desperately wanted to look confident. And yet, as she moved across the bar to sit at an angle to the woman, whose blonde hair glimmered under the single hanging light, her eyes stayed glued to the ground.

Sliding onto the stool, she forced herself to make eye contact. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled a “Hi,” with a small smile. The woman cocked a brow in return, tilting her head and drawing a sip from her glass before responding,

“You were so brave across the bar. Why so timid now?” Therese almost choked on her sip of beer. Managing to hold in the cough, she licked her lips.

“You’re very…” She paused, watching as the blonde tilted her head to look up at Therese from beneath her lashes “Intimidating.” At that, the blonde tilted her head back and let out a laugh, fingers tracing the rim of her glass.

“Am I now?” Therese gulped, realizing she was being toyed with. _Well, it’s now or never_. Locking eyes with the blonde, Therese leaned forward and placed her hand on her thigh. Her eyes widened, lips parted in surprise. Therese had to take a breath to avoid stuttering, but she managed to push out the words in a way that was more instruction than question,

“Come home with me.” The woman’s parted lips drew back together in a smirk and she set down her glass.

“Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fic I've ever really had the courage to post in a public place. ^^' Please let me know what you think as I have several more chapters written and am really excited about this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask and you shall receive. NSFW-ish.

They crashed through Therese’s front door, a jumble of limbs and lips. Someone kicked it closed, it didn’t matter who. At that point, they weren’t even really two people, just one mess of heat and need.

The taxi ride over was agony. The blonde sat far enough away from her to remain inconspicuous, a leg crossed teasingly over the other, but under the cover of darkness her hand slid across the seat to rest on Therese’s thigh. Therese, not wanting to put on a show for the cab driver, did her best to remain still, though she knew the woman could hear the way her breath caught in her throat. She was doing a good job of playing it cool until her hand shifted slightly, her fingers climbing up the inside of Therese’s thigh. She trapped her lower lip between her teeth and began to worry at it, hips squirming toward the touch with a mind of their own. She closed her eyes, trying to draw in calming breaths. She’d had sex in a few unforgiving places, but she was not about to lose her cool in the back of a taxi.

Therese gripped the door handle so hard it groaned as deft fingers arched to press their nails into the sensitive skin on her thigh. Her breathing became erratic and it was all she could do to pray that the driver couldn’t hear her basically panting in the back seat. Therese dared to turn and look at the blonde out of the corner of her eye. She was looking out the window calmly, a perfect picture of nonchalance. Suddenly, her gaze shifted to leer at Therese out of the corner of eye, a smile on her face that made Therese think of nothing but danger. When the taxi finally drew to a stop, Therese all but threw money at the driver before dragging the blonde out and up the stairs by the front of her shirt.

Once inside, the woman slammed Therese against the wall of the hallway, smooth knuckles skimming the skin of her stomach as she pulled Therese’s shirt from where it was tucked into her jeans, sending shivers rippling up her spine. Without hesitation, she ripped the shirt off and tossed it behind her. The blonde wound her fingers in brown hair and pulled their lips together in a fierce kiss, tongue dragging on Therese’s lower lip. Whimpering, Therese reached behind herself to unclasp her bra and hastily throw it away before she wound her arms around the woman, hands grazing the curve of her ass and holding her there.

Warm palms found the swell of her breasts, eliciting a sharp gasp from her at the sudden contact. She arched into the touch, nipples peaking under the woman’s rolling fingers as her mouth trailed open-mouth kisses down her neck. Therese tilted her head up to allow better access, body stiffening as teeth found her pulse point and bit down, the woman sucking hard enough to leave a mark. She could’ve sworn she felt a laugh vibrate through her neck a moment later. Therese shuddered but used her hands to push her away by her hips, fingers digging into her waistband to pull her as she backed herself toward the bedroom.

“This way,” Therese breathed, cheeks flushing at the face that stared back at her. The blonde’s eyes had darkened considerably, and even though a coy smile played at the edges of her lips they were parted in desire. When the bed came into view behind Therese she pounced, pushing her down onto it by her shoulders and climbing up to straddle her lap. With Therese trapped beneath her, she trailed a single manicured nail from the hollow of her throat, between her breasts, over her navel, only stopping in the center of her hips where she was blocked by her waistband. Then, she leaned back to pull her own shirt off, moving so tantalizingly slowly that Therese couldn’t help but release a small whimper as her hips squirmed beneath those of the blonde.

She lifted her hands to touch, squeeze, scratch, _something_ , but one hand caught both of her wrists in motion. Back arching deliciously, the blonde pushed Therese’s hands above her head and against the bed, releasing them with a final firm touch and a quiet,

“Stay.” Therese could do nothing but gasp and try to keep her eyes from fluttering as her lower lip was trapped in a fierce kiss. She groaned again as a tongue swept past her lips and into her mouth, and she arched her back as much as possible to be able to push back into the kiss with fervor. They remained like that for several minutes, tongues dancing. The kiss broke only when Therese pulled back to release a sudden, soft cry elicited by a sharp grind of the woman’s hips.

Squirming, and with fire racing up and down her body, Therese said the only word her mouth was able to form,

” _Please…”_

The blonde’s breath hitched so intensely that Therese couldn’t help but gasp in response, and she looked down as she felt the weight shift off her body. They kissed once more as the woman navigated her knees between Therese’s legs, and when she broke the kiss to pull back a whimper followed her. The blonde raised a single brow and gave Therese a smile so predatory it caused heat to pool directly between her legs. The sensation only grew stronger as the blonde fisted the waist of her jeans in both hands and pulled them down sharply. Watching those lips move toward her hips, Therese shot a hand into the golden hair, unable to hold herself back any longer. Just as she could feel the heat of the woman’s mouth on her skin, Therese took a deep breath and—

-.-.-.-

Hours later, Therese lay tangled in her sheets, her breath coming in near-ragged gasps. Her hair stuck to her forehead and the back of her neck, damp with sweat, and her lips were swollen. She licked them to try to soothe them, shivering at the taste lingering on her own skin. Lazy eyes drifted across the moonlit room to land on the blonde, who was zipping her scarlet skirt in the mirror. Even after everything, when her eyes landed on Therese in the reflection, her gaze was still endlessly hungry. Therese licked her lips again, but for a different reason entirely.

Quickly, she sat up, allowing the sheets to pool at her waist. The noise seemed to get the other woman’s attention, as she turned, both brows uplifted.

“You can barely move. Don’t tell me you want more,” the blonde purred, her words drawing up in pitch to land somewhere between a statement and a question. Even in the darkness Therese knew the flush was evident on her cheeks.

“No,” she responded quietly, a small smile playing at her lips, “I think I would die. But I want to see you again.” The woman dragged her eyes over Therese, half-lidded gaze betraying her amusement.

“I’ll tell you what,” she said, shifting her body slightly to slip a nude heel over one foot, and then the other. “If you can figure out my name, you can see me again.” And with that, she looked Therese over once more before turning and walking away, the soft click of her apartment door signaling her departure. Therese sat, stunned, back rigid and eyes wide. _How did I not get her name?_

***

Her heels clicked on the tile floor of the stairs as she made her way down. Stepping outside, she paused to let the cool air soothe her damp skin before lifting her hand to tuck a blonde lock behind her ear. As she brought her hand back down, her fingers brushed over a bruise expertly placed at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Her eyes fluttered slightly, fingertips lingering on the mark. The motion of weakness lasted only for a second, but for her it was a second too long. She stepped up to the curb and forced her hand away from her neck and into the air, hailing a cab. Settling into the seat and crossing one leg over the other, she again found her fingers idly tracing over the mark. Her eyes looked up to the window of the apartment she was just in before the cab pulled into the road and drove away, leaving the blonde wondering if she should have given her name this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!!! Thank you all for such nice feedback on Ch. 1. It was so sweet of everyone.


	3. Chapter 3

“So wait. You’re telling me you fucked her, and you didn’t get her name.”

“Dannie, shh! Jesus. You don’t need to be so loud,” Therese hissed between clenched teeth, glancing around the packed coffee shop to see if anyone was casting disapproving glances her way. “But yes. That’s exactly what I’m telling you. Everything just kind of…happened. I didn’t realize until she was walking out the door that I didn’t know who she was, and she didn’t know who I was.” Her brows furrowed in a frown as she took a sip of her coffee. “Either way, I can’t worry about that right now. I’m about to have my first class with _Carol Ross._ My stomach has been in knots about this for days. No. Weeks!”

Dannie lifted a brow, smiling quizzically. As an engineering student, he didn’t quite understand the importance of the name Carol Ross to the field of literature. She bit her lip, thinking about how to best respond. “It’s like if you were about to have a class with Satya Nadella,” she offered, knowing that he was one of Dannie’s idols. His smile fell.

“Oh shit,” he murmured. “Just how important is she?” Therese pulled out her phone and typed in her soon-to-be-professor’s name. Even just tapping in the letters sent a reverent shiver down her spine. Turning her phone to show Dannie the list of books she’s written, she rested her other arm on the table and cupped her jaw in her hand,

“She’s written tons of books, received countless awards, and teaches one seminar a semester for the upper echelon of graduate lit students at NYU. She,” Therese motioned back to her phone with her eyes, “is the whole reason I applied to this program. Frankly she’s the only reason I haven’t dropped out. I’ve worked my ass off these past few years just so I could fight my way into this seminar.” While she was talking, Dannie had taken her phone and flipped it over to the images section. His brow furrowed.

“Wait. I see lots of pictures of her books… but none of her. What’s up with that?” Therese gave him a knowing smile, already having spent several hours herself trying to find at least one image of the mysterious woman,

“She wants her work to speak for itself, I guess. She’s very secretive and seems to live behind a shroud. That’s another reason why I’ve been so worked up about this. It’s like meeting God.” Dannie laughed from deep in his stomach, forcing Therese to smile. Her reached across the table and placed his hand on hers.

“You’ll be fine, Ther. I promise,” he said, his eyes softening. Therese’s smile began to soften too, before she glanced down as his watch. 7:45 AM. Class began at 8, and she was 13 minutes from the room if she jogged.

“Shit! Shit shit shit. I’m late. I’m so late. I have to go, I’m sorry!” She pushed back from the table and darted out of the shop and down the sidewalk. As she jogged toward her class, she drew into her mind with anxiety. What if she sounded like an idiot? What if Carol was mean? Or worse, what if she didn’t like her, for some reason? Ugh, what if Richard was in the class too. Therese found herself rolling her eyes as she was stopped by a red hand at a crosswalk. She glanced at her phone. 7:55. 5 minutes away. The moment the signal changed she broke into a fast jog, sweat dripping down the back of her neck, her skin prickling.

She trotted up to the seminar hall, taking the steps two at a time. As she approached the door, she slowed down to calm her breath and smooth down her shirt. Wanting to look professional today, she’d opted for dark fitted slacks and a loose white button-down, which she was beginning to regret as sweat trickled down her back. Oh well, too late now. She straightened the sleeves, brushed her hair back, and took a deep breath before opening the door. Inside was a rectangular table, able to seat about 10. All the seats on the sides were taken save for the one opposite where the professor usually would sit. Her eyes focused on the ground, she moved into the seat as quickly and quietly as possible. She dropped her bag down, pulled out a notepad, and set it on the surface of the table. _This is it. I can’t believe that I’m finally in this class. Finally about to meet Carol Ross. The Carol Ross._

Ready to take on whatever was ahead of her, she lifted her eyes up to take in the appearance of the person she had only been able to imagine for so long. Her heart stopped.

Staring back at her were two very familiar ice blue eyes.

Therese felt the color drain from her face as Carol’s brows lifted in surprise, eyes darkening for just a flash before she straightened her back and cleared her throat to address the class. She glanced at Therese, who was white-knuckling the edge of the table, before beginning to speak.

“Hello everyone. As I’m sure you all know, my name is Carol. I wanted to spend this first class getting to know all of you and explaining how this seminar is going to work.” She paused and looked around the room, a chorus of nods greeting her gaze. She nodded herself before continuing, “In order to get into this course, you need to be in the top 2% of all graduate literature students. So, with that, congratulations. But my goal is not to ruin your lives. You’ve already done that for yourselves, working as hard as you have,” she said, a soft laugh bubbling beneath her words. The tight shoulders of several students eased at the joke. Before she could continue, a male voice cut in abruptly,

“Wait. You’re telling me we won’t be doing _any_ work?” _Shit_. Therese clenched her jaw and stared at the table so she didn’t roll her eyes. _Of course, Richard would be here. Of course he would. This literally could not get any worse_. She looked up in time to see Carol arch a brow in response to the interruption.

“Not exactly, Mr…”

“Semco. Richard.”

“Right,” she smiled pleasantly at him, although it failed to go to her eyes. “Mr. Semco. We will be doing work, but I hope you all find it more enjoyable than anything you’ve done to this point. We’re going to be doing a lot of reading and a lot of discussing. I won’t be asking for papers, presentations, or dissertations. That’s not my job, and frankly I’m not interested in that. I’ve got several books prepared for us all to read and talk about, but I also want to talk about what is important to you all. That’s why, when we leave today, I want you all to go home and figure out what book is most influential or important to you. When we next meet, those books that you all come up with will be added to our syllabus.” Her gaze moved slowly around the room as she spoke,

“I’ve had students in the past try to impress me by adding my books to the list. Please, don’t do that. I really don’t want to talk about myself and it doesn’t impress me. I may be famous, but I know my writing is not that fun,” she finished, her eyes settling on Therese. Therese sucked her lower lip into her mouth upon seeing the unreadable expression on Carol’s face. Her eyes lingered for several seconds before she looked away and added,

“This is your last semester of your graduate program. You’ve spent multiple years analyzing writing down to its bones. I want this course to remind you that literature is fun, passionate, and emotional. I want you to enjoy yourself. I’m not here to tear you down, so please don’t be afraid to ask questions. For all intents and purposes, within this room, I am your equal. I hope you treat me as such,” she smiled as she finished, leaning forward to rest her jaw in her hands, elbows braced on the table. “Now then, I’d like to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves. How about you?” she said, gesturing to the person to her left.

Therese allowed herself to sit back in her chair, chest tight but at least able to breathe. So she’d hooked up with her famous author, leader in her chosen field of study, Carol Ross. No big deal. Things could still be completely normal. As if trying to convince herself of this, she nodded to herself and turned her eyes toward the student who was speaking. It was then that Therese noticed that, even though Carol’s face was angled toward the speaker, her eyes rested on Therese. She held upon her face a wry smile as Therese pursed her lips to capture the squeak that threatened to squeeze through them. They held this position for several seconds before Carol drew in a sharp breath of air as a prelude to respond to the student who just finished,

“Thank you Tommy. And you?” she breezed. _Shit_. Therese glanced down the table, distressed to find that they somehow had managed to approach the person next to her without her even noticing. She braced her palms on the table and closed her eyes, drawing breaths in deeply through her nose. Therese didn’t notice it was her turn until she felt the heavy gaze settle on her closed lids, “A pleasure to meet you, Cy. And you are?” she asked, voice just a step deeper with amusement, or lust, or maybe some weird combo of them both. Therese drew in a quick breath before responding,

“I’m Therese Belivet. I’m—”

“Therese? Not Theresa?” Carol interrupted, eyes sparkling. She had a half-smile on her lips that sucked the breath straight from Therese’s lungs. _Keep it together, Therese. You’re not the only ones in the room_.

“No, just Therese.”

“And what sort of a name _is_ Belivet?”

“It’s Czech, actually.” Carol nodded silently, waving a hand as a signal for her to continue. Therese cleared her throat. “I’m originally from the city. I’ve actually… never left it…” she chuckled shyly at this, glancing down to her wringing hands. “But I’m very excited to be here. Books and writing are very important to me, and I’m excited to be able to talk about them with some like-minded people.” Carol nodded, looking pleased.

“Thank you, Miss Belivet.” Therese shuddered at the way her name rolled off Carol’s tongue, and judging by the playful glint in her eye, she was pleased as well. Then, just like that, the moment was over. Carol’s gaze moved on to the person next to her, and Therese felt as if she could finally breathe. This was going to be a very long semester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are literally the sweetest. I always want to wait a bit longer before I post the next chapter, but then I get too excited to see what you have to say! So, here you go! <3


	4. Chapter 4

“I fucked Carol.”

“That was fast.”

“No! Not like that,” Therese scowled into the phone as she walked away from class. She could feel Dannie’s smile on the other end of the line. “You know the woman I brought home last weekend? It was her.”

“I’m not following.”

“I picked up Carol – _Fucking_ – Ross at the bar last weekend, had sex with her, and then had to sit through class while she stared me down the entire time. Oh my God. What am I going to do?” Therese stopped at a curb and pressed her thumb and index finger against her closed eyes, humming anxiously.

“Ther, it’s going to be okay. If she didn’t immediately kick you out, I think you’re on her good side," he joked. She snorted into the phone.

“While I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, now is not really the time. Do I pretend it never happened? Do I try to talk to her?”

“Look, Gen already told me she, Phil, and Richard are going back to the bar tonight. Why don’t you come with us, just try to relax.”

“But what if _she’s_ there?”

“…Round two?” Therese growled and hung up the phone.

-.-.-.-

Later at the bar, Therese sat at her normal spot on the edge next to Dannie. One foot was braced against one of the bars on the stool, bouncing frantically. Her fist was clenching the bottle of beer Gen had set in front of her without asking, and she brought it up to pull from the bottle. Her other fist was pressed against her closed eye, supporting her head, her other eye staring off into the distance. Her lips alternated between pursing and scowling as she attempted to mentally sort out her situation. She flinched when Gen reached across the table to tap her hand.

“Fuck! What?”

“Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. I fucked God.”

Gen’s eyebrows shot straight up and she cast a worried glance at Dannie, who held out his hand in a gentle shushing motion.

“She means Carol.”

“Oh my God Therese, you fucked Carol Ross?” Therese slammed her hands on the table, her forehead following a second later.

“Yes. I didn’t realize it was her until I walked into class and saw the lips that—”

“How did you not know it was her?” Gen interrupted, her tone that of a scolding mother's. 

“She doesn’t have pictures of herself anywhere!” Therese whined, lightly pounding her fists on the table. “No one knows what she looks like until they’ve met her.” Therese folded her arms on her table and rested her chin on them, lower lip stuck out like a petulant child. “The worst part is, I had a really great time. There was something unique about her, like she could see through me. I mean, you know me, right? I don’t _do_ relationships.” Both Gen and Dannie nodded solemnly as Therese paused to take a drink. “I never have. But there was something about her that just…got me. At one point we locked eyes and the world stopped moving.”

Gen pursed her lips to refrain from laughing at the corny-factor of her statement but Dannie’s eyes widened,

“Wait. You mean the way it did right before I knocked you out of the road? The first day we met?”

“Yes, exactly like that.”

“Didn’t you feel the same way right before your mom died, too-- _shit_ ” Dannie grimaced the moment the words left his mouth, but Therese waved a hand in dismissal. While her family life – or lack thereof – was not something she necessarily enjoyed talking about, it didn’t bother her to have it mentioned.

“Mhm. It was early November and it started snowing out of nowhere. I watched a snowflake melt so slowly I could see each crystal disappear. Then, I got the phone call.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek for a few moments, lost in thought. Clearly this had been a signal to her, but whether or not it was a blessing or a curse had yet to be figured out. She could let this slip away and try to forget it ever happened, but what if something wonderful came of it?

But to hold on to it would mean pursuing _Carol_ , her idol. The mystery woman with an icy shield through which no one could see. Sure, she was nice enough in class, but it was clear that she’d built up walls to reveal as little of herself as possible. Could she break those walls? Did she want to?

“Hello, Earth to Therese,” Dannie said, waving a hand in her face. She blinked several times in shock before turning to look at him. “Look, whatever happens, this is your last semester. Whether you hook up a few times or you never see each other outside of class ever again, it’s not going to matter after the next 3 months. It’s not like you’re considering the rest of your life, you know?” Therese pursed her lips to the side, narrowing her eyes as she considered Dannie’s words,

“I guess you’re right. I’ve just been looking forward to this seminar for so long, I don’t want to mess it up.”

“So focus on that, then, Therese. Don’t let what happened last week stop you from experiencing the reason you came to NYU in the first place. If something happens, then it happens. Until then, just try to enjoy the class. Read some good books, have some thoughtful discussions. Prove to everyone in that class why you’re there.” Therese nodded solemnly before gasping and grabbing both of their hands in hers,

“Did I tell you that Richard somehow got in?”

“No fucking way.”

-.-.-.-

The next day, Therese made sure she woke up with enough time to arrive to class with minutes to spare. She’d spent her morning reminding herself to just enjoy the class and relish in the discussion, irresistibly sexy and mysterious professor be damned. She had worked hard to get into this seminar, and she wasn’t going to spend the entire time listening to her heart pound in her ears because she couldn’t focus on anything but those blue eyes. No siree, she was going to focus on class.

Opting for dark jeans, a tucked in white t-shirt, and a leather jacket, her hair drawn back in a ponytail, Therese made sure to pay attention to the world around her as she strolled to class. It was the beginning of Spring, so birds had just begun to chirp again. She closed her eyes to savor the noise, drawing in a breath through her nose. Something about Spring felt like renewal to her, as if it were another chance at whatever you may have missed before. She hitched her bag up higher on her shoulder as she approached the seminar building, a small forced smile on her lips. Just focus on class, it will be okay.

Therese opened the door to the classroom and sat down in the same chair as before, notebook at the ready. She glanced at her phone, five minutes early. A survey of the room told her that several students and Carol weren’t here yet, so she let out a gentle breath and rested her chin in her palm to wait. As the time passed and more students filtered in, Therese felt her eyes shifting around. Carol didn’t strike her as someone to be late. In fact, she seemed to be quite the opposite. Yet, class had started two minutes ago and Carol was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, the door flung open and Carol came in like a whirlwind, her knee-length coat billowing behind her, cheeks flushed from her flurry of activity. She was looking at her materials and the table as she set her things down,

“Sorry I’m late everyone, 4th was a parking lot. Now then,” she said, draping her coat over the back of her chair and taking a seat, eyes still on the table, “How is everyone doing today?” She looked up to scan the table, a friendly smile on her face. While others in the classroom responded to her, Carol’s eyes jerked to a stop as she found Therese. Slowly she looked her up and down, the blue darkening into something much more predatory the lower her gaze went. Therese found herself sitting up straighter, a blush creeping onto her cheeks. _The class damnit, focus on the class_. She forced a friendly half-smile onto her face, nodding in response to Carol’s opening question.

It was several seconds before Carol spoke again, her jaw hanging slightly limp. When she finally dragged her eyes off Therese, she blinked several times and drew in a strained breath through clenched teeth before continuing. “Glad to hear it, let’s get started, shall we?” Her voice was a low rasp, dripping with something hidden. Forbidden? Whatever it was, it shot straight into the pit of Therese’s stomach and she felt her eyes flutter involuntarily at the raw sensuality of it all. _Shit._ She was in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is a bit shorter, but I needed the break here for the next one to fit! Bear with me everyone <3


	5. Chapter 5

**12 hours previously**

Carol Ross was a forcefield. No one got in no matter how hard they tried. She’d spent years building up her shields, blocking herself out to ensure her safety, her protection. After a disastrous marriage in her early twenties, she was determined not to fall into the pitfall of commitment again. She wouldn’t put herself in that space of vulnerability, wouldn’t give anyone the chance to hurt her. That was why she remained hidden under lock and key despite her quasi-celebrity status. No matter how many times her publishers had begged her to put her photo on the book jackets or do a signing tour, she would refuse. Her writing, she felt, wasn’t about her. It was about the story, the analysis, the arguments. The words, she argued, spoke for themselves.

Carol sat at a small table in Bemelman’s, her chair angled out slightly so she could cross her legs and stare out into the bar. White-coated waiters seemed to glide across the floor, effortlessly delivering drinks to the many patrons who happened to frequent the location. Without looking, she moved her left hand to grasp the stem of her martini glass and bring it to her lips, eyes closing as the gin slid over her tongue. She savored it for a moment, appreciating the way her throat numbed slightly before the burn kicked in. When her eyes reopened, Abby had appeared in the seat next to her, smiling wryly.

Abigail Gerhard was Carol’s lifelong friend and closest confidant. If Carol was ice, then Abby was pure spitfire. She was stubborn, blunt, and could out-curse a sailor. Carol smiled warmly at her, reaching across the table to grasp Abby’s hand lightly.

“I’ve missed you.” Abby, not one to parse words or sugarcoat, rolled her eyes as she pulled a cigarette from the pack in her coat pocket.

“Maybe if you didn’t go to the bars every single night, you could see more of me.” Carol scoffed in mock indignation as she reached over to pluck the lit cigarette from Abby’s fingers seconds before it hit her lips. After taking a lengthy drag, the burn of the smoke searing through her chest, she exhaled in a laugh,

“But then how will I remain anonymous? You’ve got a big mouth.” Abby’s jaw dropped before she threw her head back and cackled. She drew another cigarette from the pack and lit it, both women puffing in comfortable silence for several minutes. Tapping the ash into a nearby tray with a practiced motion, Abby looked at Carol out of the corner of her eye,

“So.” Carol arched a brow in response but said nothing, exhaling smoke through her nose. “How was Saturday?” Abby leered. Carol was often relatively forthcoming about her conquests and Abby knew she had gone out last weekend. It was a pattern: every other weekend, Carol would go hunting. She tended to go more as the start of a new semester drew closer. Abby had watched her friend change over the years, watched her withdraw inside of herself. Though she still laughed, smiled, and jeered with Abby, she knew that there was something inside that craved stability and comfort. She also knew that Carol beat that part of herself senseless to remove its voice. When a normal person feels stressed, they seek the knowledge or closeness of another. Carol, having denied herself those routes, tends toward a more…physical coping mechanism.

At the mention of the previous weekend, the playful expression on Carol’s face dropped slightly, the cigarette hanging limply in her lips.

“Amazing,” her voice was soft, and it made her chest ache with an unfamiliar need. Carol scowled and leaned to tap the ashes off the end of her cigarette. “Unfortunately,” she continued, clearing her throat “I’ve made a slight mistake.”

“The perfect Carol Ross made a mistake? Impossible,” Abby chucked as Carol turned to look her dead in the eye,

“It’s one of my students.” Abby’s face fell immediately.

“Oh shit,” she murmured. Carol snorted and turned away from the redhead, leaning back in her chair to gaze around the room,

“My sentiments exactly.”

“What are you going to do?”

“How should I know? The whole point of going to those seedy bars was to avoid anyone who might know me. Things could get very bad very fast if it’s discovered that I’m—” Abby waved a hand, effectively silencing Carol.

“Yes, I know. I’m well aware of your situation.” Abby worried her lower lip with her teeth as she watched Carol scowl into the distance. “What’s her name?” Abby asked quietly. Carol, mid-inhale, set the cigarette down gingerly in the ash tray and exhaled until the smoke was gone from her breath.

“Therese. Therese Belivet.”

“That’s an odd name, isn’t it?” Abby replied. Carol’s eyes had glazed slightly, her fingers drumming on the edge of the table. _Flung out of space, almost_ , she thought to herself.

“It’s Czech, from what she says,” Carol responded, voice soft as if she were speaking from within a dream. Abby paused before a smile slowly came onto her face. Carol, instantly noticing the change in her friend’s demeanor, turned her head to look at her directly. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Abby’s grin only intensified. “Stop it. Stop it right now or I’m walking away. I’ll do it, and I’ll make you pay for my martinis.” Left with no response, Carol groaned and reached across the table to push a grinning Abby’s shoulder. “I know. Please don’t say it.”

“You like her.” Carol sighed and dropped her head into her hands.

“What am I going to do, Abby?”

“Well…” Abby tilted her head, exhaling smoke as she thought. “Does she like you?” Carol laughed softly into the rim of her martini glass.

“I’ve never seen someone so pale and so red at the same time.” Carol swirled her glass, smiling softly down into its contents. “I was staring at her the whole class.”

“Of course you were,” Abby replied, rolling her eyes. “If you like her and you’re pretty sure she likes you…why not go for it?”

“I thought you said you were aware of my ‘situation’,” Carol snapped, making air quotes with two fingers on each hand as she did so.

“Oh hush. I am aware. I am also aware that you’ve been denying yourself this for years. He can’t control you forever, Carol. What if something really great could come from this?” Abby raised a brow at Carol, but the smile on her face dripped with melancholy. “You can’t hide behind your walls forever.” Carol stared at Abby silently for a moment before she leaned back in her chair, taking a drag of her cigarette and blowing the smoke out through her nose as her lips pursed into a thin line.

Abby was right, sure. But she’d been down this road before and it had only ended in misfortune. Even now, ten years after her divorce, that baggage still traveled with her. There were roadblocks and pitfalls. There were others to consider. Her wellbeing was not the only one she needed to attend to. And yet, when she thought of the way those green eyes looked at her in the mirror that night, her heart seemed to tremble. Carol had never felt that way before, not even in the earliest and best days of her marriage. She’d never felt that pull, that sheer magnetism that drove two people together. Not until now. Carol reached over to stub out her cigarette in the ashtray, voice quiet as she finally responded to Abby,

“No, I suppose I can’t.” Abby grinned and reached across the table to grab Carol’s drink, downing it before Carol could grab the glass back.

“Now then! How about you get us two more of these and you can tell me what she’s like in bed,” Abby teased, wiggling her brows. Carol rolled her eyes as if annoyed, but the smile on her face suggested otherwise, lifting a hand to flag down a waiter for more drinks.

“Sorry Abby, I don’t kiss and tell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Carol POV! I hope I did okay!! I know I'm teasing you guys with the short chapters, but these were so important I wanted to keep them separate. I promise there is more to come. 
> 
> All of your comments give me life. Please know that even if I don't respond to all of them I am reading them and treasure each and every one. <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Present moment**

_Get your shit together, Carol. You have a class to teach_. She drew in a sharp breath through her nose. _It doesn’t matter that you’ve never seen anyone look better in leather than the woman across the table from you. There are others here, you can’t just crawl across and take her where she sits._ Carol closed her eyes and pressed her thighs together, shivering at the mental image. She shifted her legs to cross in order to maintain the pressure, and she smoothed her hands along the surface of the table.

“Alright everyone. You’ve all had several days to think. Today you’re going to tell me your most influential books and then we’re going to draft up a syllabus. I’ve gone ahead and picked the first book for you but from there we’ll be reading your choices.”

She pulled the draft of the syllabus out of her bag and set it on the table, daring to glance at Therese. The woman was leaned forward on both arms, green eyes staring intently into hers. Carol found herself tracing her gaze along the woman’s collarbone, the expanse of her neck, the meeting of her neck and her shoulder where Carol had bitten and sucked the week before. Looking closely, she could see the faintest hint of a bruise under the blush that was creeping up her neck. Carol looked down and smiled slightly to herself before clearing her throat and looking at the student sat next to her. “Tommy?”

“ _The Goldfinch_ ” Carol nodded, writing it down in one of the blocks she had set aside on the paper.

“I haven’t read that one yet, but I’ve heard it’s phenomenal. Jeanette?”

“ _Charlotte’s Web_.” Carol smiled at her before gesturing to the next student. Class continued on like this for several minutes, Carol occasionally commenting on her student’s choices as she wrote them down. Just when her heart had settled back to normal levels, it was Therese’s turn to give her book. Carol closed her eyes and willed her expression to stay a friendly shade of neutral before she continued.

“Therese, what about you?” She watched at the young woman wrung her hands together in what must be a nervous habit. Carol had to stop herself from salivating as she watched teeth catch her full lower lip, and it took her a moment before she realized Therese had spoken. “Sorry, can you repeat yourself? My ears don’t work as well with my age,” she joked, relieved to see some of the anxiety leave woman’s face.

“I had a lot of trouble deciding to be honest, but I think I’m going to have to say _Pride and Prejudice_.” Carol worked her jaw for a moment, staring into those green eyes. Then she smiled and responded softly,

“That’s one of my favorites too. Full of longing and want, a desire to find the arms of your lover no matter the cost.” Carol paused and cleared her throat, not able to bring herself to look back across the table. “Very nice choice, Therese. I look forward to discussing it. Richard, what about you?” She moved on quickly to avoid the burning gaze of the woman across the table.

“ _Fight Club_.” Across the table, Carol heard Therese snort before quickly disguising it as a cough. She smiled, both in response to Therese and in a way that was only polite to Richard. “Very nice, thank you. What about you, Frank?”

Class continued like that for another while, Carol occasionally engaging in a brief conversation with students whose choices she found interesting. Finally, she neatly stacked the fully formed syllabus. “If you all will just give me a moment, I’ll go ahead and make copies of this right now before we finish up for the day,” she said, standing and walking out of the room. When she felt the door shut behind her, she leaned back against the it and sighed. She allowed herself this release before she straightened up and began to walk down the hall toward the copier. _Will it always be this hard?_

***

The moment Carol left the classroom, Therese gently put her head down on the table and sighed. _Will it always be this hard?_ She was shaken out of her thoughts by a burly hand on her shoulder.

“Therese.” She lifted her head up slightly to stare daggers at Richard.

“What,” she responded, her voice muffled by her arms.

“Is she hot or what?” he said, leering at the closed door behind them. Therese’s eyes darkened and she clenched her jaw. The hair on the back of her neck stood up as rage and – was that jealousy? Why would she possibly be feeling jealous? Carol wasn’t _hers_. Yes, there had been that night at the bar. Yes, they’ve both been undressing each other with their eyes since the beginning of the semester. Yes, Therese almost climbed across the table when she saw Carol bust into the room in that grey suit, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, hair tousled from the wind. She had wanted to grab her by the lapels and trap her lower lip between her teeth and wrap her legs around her waist and –

“Therese?” Richard’s brow furrowed and she blinked furiously.

“Huh? Yeah, I guess.” She slowly brushed her finger along her tingling lower lip, staring at the surface of the table as Richard continued talking. She didn’t particularly care to listen to whatever he had to say but she let him keep talking so she could sink back into her thoughts. It was clear to her that Carol had to be feeling _something_. The eyes that found hers at the beginning of the day were as dark and hungry as they were the night their gaze had locked in the mirror. Therese had felt the heat of her stare as Carol traced the lines of her body, had seen the sheer wanting cloud her eyes.

Therese bit down on her thumb nail and hunched her shoulders toward her ears. Is this what the entire semester would be like? Both of them staring wantonly across the table but never acting on it, until class ended and they drifted their separate ways? She dropped her hand back to the table with a huff. _God, that would suck_. Before she could continue her train of thought, the door opened again and Carol waltzed back in, a stack of papers in her hands. She quickly began handing them out to each student, which struck Therese as odd considering they were all adults and could very easily pass a stack of papers around the table. Carol spoke quickly as she handed everything out, a flush on her cheeks that caused Therese to raise a brow.

“Alright everyone, now that we have this set up we can all start reading each other’s favorites. I’m going first because I had to make everything,” she paused to breathe out through her nose, a soft replacement for a laugh before continuing. “So we’ll be starting with _The Pearl_ , by Steinbeck. It’s a short one, so we should be able to have it done by next class, okay? Alright, that’s all I have for you, so I think we’re good to go. Have a nice weekend, everyone.”

Therese grabbed her syllabus and went to tuck it in her bag before she noticed a line of cursive at the top. _My office. 305. 20 minutes._ Quickly shoving the paper into her bag, she darted from the room without looking up. She pulled her phone from her pocket as she paced down the hall, clicking on Dannie’s contact. She chewed on her fingernails as it rang.

“ _Hi. You’ve reached Dannie McElroy. I can’t come to the phone right now—”_

 _”_ Fuck!,” Therese hissed, glancing at the clock. Her heart raced as she tapped Gen’s contact and pressed the phone back to her ear, lips mumbling a silent prayer.

“Hey T! What’s up?”

“Gen! Oh, thank goodness.”

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“She wants me to meet her in her office in—” Therese pulled the phone away to check the time before bringing it back to her face, “12 minutes.”

“Who? Carol?”

“Who else could I possibly be talking about?”

“Alright, alright. No need to get so snippy. Geez. Are you going to go?”

“I don’t know, Gen. I mean, she looked amazing today. Absolutely stunning. But what if this is a bad idea?”

“You’re telling me that an incredibly sexy woman who is clearly interested in you wants to meet you privately in, give or take, ten minutes, and you think it could be a bad idea?” Therese chewed her lip at the question, free arm wrapping around her torso to hug herself.

“I don’t know. What if she tells me that nothing will happen? Or worse – that I need to drop the class?”

“We can work through that if we get to it, Ther. But first things first, you need to go to her office. See what she has to say.” Therese nodded into the phone before remembering that Gen couldn’t see her.

“Yeah, I guess you’re—”

“If talking is even what she has planned, that is,” Genevieve teased. Therese rolled her eyes.

“ _Bye_ , Gen,” she responded firmly. As she pulled the phone away from her ear to hang up she could hear a faint,

“Go get ‘em, tiger!” Therese smiled softly at her phone before she saw the time. _4 minutes. Shit_. She tucked it back into her pocket before jogging toward the stairs, taking them two at a time to the third floor. As she walked down the hall, she glanced anxiously around her to see if anyone may be looking, but it was deserted. _I wonder if she has her office up here on purpose_ , Therese thought to herself. She looked to the left, 304. The next door on her right had 305 plastered across the frosted glass, a small name-card at the bottom of the window reading _Carol Ross._ Therese took a moment to straighten her jacket on her shoulders and run her hands thought her hair. She stepped up to the door and raised her fist, but before she could even knock the door whipped open and a slender hand reached out to fist in her shirt and drag her inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished writing a chapter, so that means it's time for an update! I hope you all are enjoying it so far. Just a pre-warning, the next chapter is *definitely* NSFW.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Carol slammed the door and pushed Therese up against it with her body, hands gripping the lapels of her leather jacket. Therese could barely squeak before Carol’s lips were crushing hers, and she gasped when teeth raked over her lower lip. Suddenly, Carol pulled back, panting, lidded eyes and swollen lips. It was then that Therese realized her eyes were wide and her jaw hung slack in surprise. One hand shifted from her jacket to gingerly cup her cheek, sending shockwaves through Therese’s body that made her eyelids flutter. It was Carol who brought her back to the surface, her words calm though Therese could hear the undercurrent of lust and need in the low timbre of her voice,

“Therese. Are you okay?” Therese blinked once, twice, before licking her lips in preparation to respond. However, just before she spoke, Therese instead lifted a hand to tangle in Carol’s hair and pull her closer, crushing their lips together again. Therese felt Carol’s inhale of surprise before she sank into the kiss, her upper body arching into Therese in a way that made her center ache. Carol’s hands roamed over her shoulders, the back of her neck and down to her waist, her nails digging into the leather. Even with several layers of fabric between the two of them, the motion still sent shivers coursing down her body.

As Therese wound her hands around Carol’s neck to hold her closer, she ran her tongue over the blonde’s lower lip, asking for permission which she was quickly granted. They both groaned simultaneously when their tongues met, but it was Therese who whined as Carol’s hands slipped off her jacket and dove underneath her shirt to knead her lower back before making their way to the plain of her stomach. Thoughtlessly her hips arched forward as Carol ripped from their kiss, fiery lips dragging a blaze down Therese’s neck.

Suddenly, teeth found an all-too-familiar spot at the curve of her neck, pressing into the still-present bruise. Her cry of mixed surprise and pleasure was quickly muffled by one of Carol’s hands, who pulled her lips up to Therese’s ear to murmur, “ _Shhh_ , darling. Do you want to get us caught?” Therese whimpered into the hand covering her mouth, hips helplessly rocking against the hand that pressed against her waistline. Carol’s tongue found the curve of her ear and dragged down it, down father until her teeth were able to resume their previous ministrations.

Releasing her neck with a soft pop, Carol fluttered kisses back up Therese’s neck until she rested by her ear again. “You looked so fucking hot in class today,” she whispered, her fingers slowly undoing the button of Therese’s jeans. “I’ve never seen someone look so…” there was the distinct sound of a zipper sliding down and Therese could feel Carol’s grin against her ear, ” _sexy_ in leather,” Carol purred against Therese, her hand slipping inside her jeans and underwear as she did.

At the first brush of a single fingertip across her folds, Therese grabbed Carol by the collar of her blazer and dragged her into a kiss, moaning into her mouth. She closed her eyes tight, body quaking as Carol continued to brush against her, her touch so soft Therese could have been imagining it if it weren’t for the way her knees wobbled at every teasing brush. Each brief contact caused Therese to whimper and she broke from the kiss to press her forehead to Carol’s, breath leaving her in ragged pants.

“Carol, please…” Therese began, gasping as a finger teased at her entrance. She lifted a leg to wrap around Carol’s hips, drawing the blonde ever closer. Therese’s hips rocked into the hand but Carol remained cruelly out of reach, pulling her hand away as Therese moved toward it. She tilted her head forward to capture Therese’s lips in one more chaste kiss before she responded.

“Please _what_ , angel? What do you want?” Carol breathed, eyes closed lest she lose the dangerously small amount of self-restraint she had in those pleading green eyes. Therese groaned as fingers teased her once again, the heel of Carol’s hand brushing close enough to her clit that she could feel the static of the touch but receive none of the relief.

“Please, I need you inside m—” Therese didn’t finish her sentence as Carol trapped her lips in a kiss, her cry muffled by a probing tongue. Two fingers slid into Therese, palm pressing against her clit with such pressure that Therese temporarily forgot how to breathe. Carol jerked Therese’s shirt up with her free hand and slid her hand up the smooth skin, and she whined into her lips when she found Therese braless. Therese pulled away to moan as two fingers curved within her at the same time sharp nails found one of her nipples and began to roll it. The heat in her core grew deeper and began to spread as Carol ground her palm into Therese’s clit.

Her hips, which had previously been rolling smoothly with Carol’s thrusts, began to stutter. Therese kissed Carol, dragged her tongue along the blonde’s, before dropping her head back against the door. Carol took the opportunity to drag her teeth down Therese’s neck and lave her tongue over the sensitive bite, fingernails digging softly into her straining nipple. “Fuck, Carol. I’m going to— I—”

“I know, darling. Fuck, you’re so sexy.” Carol dragged her tongue across Therese’s collarbones before murmuring into the hollow of her neck, “Come for me, Therese.” Therese cinched her hands around Carol’s shoulders for support as she cried out, her walls tightening around Carol’s in a way that made her groan. Her back arched, her eyes squeezed closed, and her mouth dropped open noiselessly. Carol continued to press her palm in soft circles against Therese’s clit until a hand dropped to pull her wrist away.

Therese slowly relaxed back against the door, panting, Carol’s wrist gripped in her hand. Her eyes fluttered open to be greeted by a smiling Carol, which she quickly returned. Carol started to pull her hand away to wipe it off on her suit, but Therese’s grip tightened.

“No, let me,” she whispered as she brought Carol’s hand to her mouth. Gently, she ran her tongue over one finger, then the other, before bringing them both into her mouth to suck on them. Therese maintained eye contact with Carol, watching as her pupils dilated and her lips parted to release what appeared to be an involuntary whimper. Finally, Therese pulled the fingers out, pressing a kiss to each one before she directed a coy smile at Carol, whose eyes had glazed over slightly, her breathing shallow. Therese hummed deep in her throat as she moved her hands to the woman’s shoulders and pushed her back across the room until her thighs hit the desk placed in the center. Carol gasped, her hands immediately moving to grip the edge of the desk in a way similar what Therese did the very first day of their class together.

She moved to push Carol’s blazer off her shoulders, hands running down her back, which arched under her touch. Therese closed her eyes to gather herself as she could feel the toned muscles move against her palms through the thin fabric of her button-down, her clit suddenly throbbing in newfound desire. Quickly she moved to undo the buttons on her shirt, fighting the urge to just rip the damn thing off, before she fully opened it. She _had_ intended to rip the shirt off her body and toss it aside, but she was stilled by the sight before her. Her hands went limp for a moment as she took in Carol’s red lace bra, the stiff peaks of her nipples straining against its fabric. She lingered on the vision, snapping out of it when several nails traced up the line of her neck, Carol grinning as she shivered under their touch.

Putting her hands on her shoulders again, Therese pushed Carol to lay back on the desk, her legs dangling off the edge. Therese leaned over her, pressing their bodies flush, and kissed Carol once more before moving down to suck and bite on her exposed collarbones. One of Carol’s hands moved to the brunette’s hair and pulled – _hard ­­_ – while the other covered her mouth to muffle the soft cries that were escaping her lips. Therese smiled against her flushed skin, her other hand lifting to palm a breast and rub the textured fabric against the sensitive bud. Carol’s hips bucked in response and she muttered something unintelligible. Therese pulled her head away and tilted her head, looking down at Carol with faux innocence.

“What was that?” she teased, her nails tracing circles on the fabric around Carol’s nipples. The woman gasped, back arching jerkily.

“I can’t wait any longer. Please,” she gasped, eyes searching Therese’s pleadingly. Therese’s breath left her all at once, her hands immediately finding the waist of Carol’s pants and pulling them down. Carol’s thighs shuddered under her hands as the cool air hit her skin. She bent down and softly pressed a kiss to Carol’s still-covered clit, her fingers teasing at the edges of her underwear. Carol gasped, high and soft, as Therese’s tongue ran the length of her, the sensation muffled through the fabric. Her fingers combed through Therese’s hair, pulling her ever closer. “ _Therese_ ,” she begged.

That was all it took. Therese pulled Carol’s underwear down with a single crooked finger and slid her tongue through her soft folds. The blonde’s hips immediately thrust forward as a string of curses pushed past her lips. Therese latched her lips onto Carol’s clit, chuckling softly into it, causing Carol to cut off mid-“fuck” into a whine. As she sucked softly and ran her tongue in slow circles, two of her fingers began to slide over Carol’s slit.

“Oh fuck, please. Please, please, please,” she pleaded, fingernails raking Therese’s scalp, who gasped and pressed her fingers into Carol and immediately curved them upward. She pressed her tongue flat and ran it up and down Carol’s clit in time with her thrusts, each movement dragging her fingers along Carol’s sensitive walls. Therese couldn’t stop the moan that soon vibrated into her clit, and Carol cried out before lifting a hand to bite down on her own wrist. Her hips began to squirm faster and Therese felt a familiar tightening around her fingers. She sped up her thrusts and curled them further, her tongue flicking Carol’s clit with a new intensity.

Suddenly, she felt her whole body stiffen and her walls convulsed. Therese could hear Carol’s moans even through her wrist. Her hips lifted and twitched as Therese slowed but didn’t stop, easing the blonde down from her high. She removed her lips and began pressing gentle kisses to the woman’s thighs, hips, and stomach, her free hand running up and down her calf. Slowly, Carol’s hands softened from pulling to gently brushing through her hair. “Come here,” she said softly, and Therese obeyed, mouth kissing up Carol’s body until fingers caught her jaw and pulled her into a kiss. They both closed their eyes and sunk into it until they were breathless again, at which Therese pulled away to rest her forehead on Carol’s, savoring the way those fingers threaded through her hair.

It was several moments before either of them spoke. “Therese,” Carol whispered, kissing her softly to get her attention, “I need to go.” Therese stood quickly, trying to hide the disappointment on her face by refusing to meet her eyes.

“Oh, of course. I’m sorry.” Carol, who had been buttoning her shirt, extended a hand to catch Therese’s chin.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said softly. She stood, pulling on her pants and underwear while Therese fixed her pants and retrieved her leather jacket from the floor. As she picked it up, her phone toppled out of the pocket and Therese cursed. Before she could grab it, Carol had scooped it up. “Let me,” she teased, a grin appearing on her lips as she watched Therese blush at having her words thrown back at her. Carol unlocked the phone and added herself as a contact before holding the phone out back to Therese, who took it and looked down at it. “Call me,” Carol said with a wink before straightening her blazer on her shoulders and breezing out the door past Therese, who stood frozen, staring at her phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I wanted to, I couldn't keep you guys waiting. I hope this was everything you wanted it to be, and maybe more ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Therese had spent several minutes staring at her phone, mouth gaping like a fish. Carol Ross, _the_ Carol Ross, had just put her number in her phone. Never mind the fact that she’d just dragged Therese into her office and had her way with her, she had put her number in her phone. Therese dragged her thumb softly over the electronic name before she tucked her phone back into her pocket and walked out of the office, eyes glazed over. When she finally got home and shut the door behind herself, she leaned back against it and allowed a dopey smile onto her face. That night, she crawled into bed in the shirt she had worn that day, the collar pulled up over her nose so she could catch the lingering smell of Carol on her skin.

She awoke to sunlight streaming in through the slats of the blinds. While this was usually an unwelcome occurrence, Therese found herself smiling at the warmth of the rays. She stretched, treasuring the gentle aching between her thighs and the sharp reminder of yesterday’s events when she tilted her head to stretch her neck. Her eyes fluttered as she luxuriated in the delicious feeling before she rolled out of bed with a newfound energy. She pulled on an oversized blue-striped button down whose collar was just low enough to show off the slight bruise on her neck and tugged on some black joggers beneath it, slipping her feet into some worn sneakers. Combing her fingers through her hair, she waltzed into her living room and dragged her backpack up onto her shoulder. Today felt like a good day for coffee.

With headphones blaring her comfortable jazz tunes, Billie Holiday crooned in her ear as she meandered down the street, a soft smile playing at her lips. She hummed along to the riff of the trumpet, pausing by a tree to lift a hand and gently brush her fingertips over the newly budding leaves. There had always been something about Spring that resonated very strongly with Therese. Her life had been made up of new beginnings and second changes, opportunities that managed to circle back around for her to grasp onto. How she had been taken in by the McElroy’s after Dannie saved her from the car, how she applied to NYU on a whim after having talked herself out of it, how she only had spoken to Carol once forced by Gen. Therese smiled at the memory and looked down at the ground in a way that resembled shyness. Spring felt like _her_ , and she relished that.

She pushed open the door to the coffee shop and paused to inhale the pleasantly dark smell of roasted coffee beans before she stepped up to the counter. Bagel and coffee in hand, Therese slipped into a booth and pulled out her notebook and a stack of books that had been assigned in their seminar the other day. Therese was an unusually fast reader, so she always carried two to three books with her. Boredom was not her thing. She pulled _The Pearl_ off the top and leaned back to begin reading, crunching a bite of her bagel as she did so. Every so often she would lean forward to jot down notes, taking account of not just the literary devices used but of potential symbolism, interpretations, and her feelings as well. When the bagel was gone, she would chew on her pen cap, worrying the plastic between her teeth in a practiced and aged motion.

Several hours passed like this, Therese reading in relative stillness save for the motion of her eyebrows – lifted in surprise, furrowed in concern or anger, at half-mast when she found something touching. She had quickly finished _The Pearl_ and had now moved on to _Flowers for Algernon_ , a story as beautifully written as it was sad. Therese had read it before but now found herself seeing it in a new light, found herself clinging to every word. She had just blindly set down her coffee cup – now cold from sitting out, though she didn’t mind – when she felt one of her earphones being lifted from her head. A familiar voice danced into her consciousness.

“What are you listening to?” Carol purred, sliding into the seat across from Therese. She sat, blinking, as a blush steadily crept up her cheeks. Before she could respond, Carol reached across the table and gently pulled the headphones off her head, placing them on her own seconds later. Therese watched breathlessly as the woman’s eyes lit up in satisfaction. Her heart fluttered to the baseline that was still lingering in her ears as she watched Carol’s fingers dance on the tabletop, the woman’s eyes closed to savor the song.

It was several minutes before Carol finally opened her eyes and gently returned the headphones, settling them gently around Therese’s neck, the latter sinking her teeth into her lip when she felt teasing fingers trace the curve of her neck and jaw before withdrawing. “Billie Holiday,” Carol said with a smile. Therese nodded a confirmation, finding her voice suddenly

“ _Easy Living,”_ she said shyly, fingers wringing, “It’s one of my favorites.”

“Mine too.” She looked around suddenly, taking in the table. “Working?”

“If you can call it that,” Therese replied with a shrug. “Reading doesn’t feel like work to me.” Carol’s eyes twinkled and she flashed Therese a satisfied smile.

“What does feel like work, then?” Therese’s gaze drifted over Carol’s shoulder, focusing on nothing as she crafted a response,

“Well, when I’m not in class, with friends, or writing, I’m working at the record shop. I guess that does?” she tilted her head as she spoke, questioning her own words. “But really I get to be surrounded by all different sorts of music and people. And I don’t think that that’s much work either.” She looked over to Carol, a brow lifting when she saw narrowed eyes peering back at her. “What?”

“Did you say that you write?” Carol queried. Immediately, Therese’s cheeks reddened.

“Ah, that. Well.” She scratched the back of her neck, smiling sheepishly at the table. “Yes, I do. Poetry and fiction. But I’m really not that great at it, it’s just a hobby—”

“Nonsense,” Carol interrupted, frowning with her eyebrows. “You’re insightful and eloquent. Not to mention,” she leaned forward, smiling wryly as if she were a gossiping teenager, “You _are_ the top student in the program.” Therese’s mouth dropped open and Carol arched a single brow, head tilted slightly. “Are you surprised?” Therese gaped for a moment more before responding.

“Yes, I’m very surprised. I mean, Tommy is so smart. And Jeannette has read more books than anyone else I’ve ever met and—”

“Therese,” Carol interrupted again, placing her hand over top the brunette’s. “ _You_ are the top student. Your writing and your thoughts speak for themselves, which is a quality that’s hard to come upon naturally,” she finished, pulling her hand away and leaning back against the booth. Therese resisted the urge to move after Carol, feeling the loss of contact deep within her. Before she could speak, Carol veered the conversation back onto her course, “Can I see your writing?”

“Oh,” Therese said before she could contain it. “You really want to?” Carol nodded, and she stared down at the table with a shy but satisfied smile. “Okay. I’ll email one of my manuscripts to you tonight,” she trailed off, eyes narrowing in thought. Her tongue flicked out to run over her lower lip, and had she not been so distracted she would have seen Carol draw in a sharp breath, pupils dilating. “Unless… you want to come over this evening?” Therese questioned, making eye contact with the blonde from beneath her down-turned lashes. Carol smiled brightly, and then sighed.

“I would _love to_.” Therese’s heart leapt, especially when she saw the way Carol was looking at her. Carol broke eye contact as she continued, instead choosing to look at her fingernails. “But I have my daughter this weekend.” Therese blinked through the lust that had clouded her mind to process the words.

“You have a daughter?”

“Rindy,” Carol replied with a soft smile. Therese could see the movie reel playing inside Carol’s mind as she saw images of her child. “She’s 13. Her father and I aren’t together anymore, as I’m sure you can guess. And it was, well… The separation wasn’t pretty. I didn’t want to drag her into it, so I surrendered. I get her one weekend a month.” Carol took a deep breath and exhaled through her nose before smiling sadly at Therese. “It’s not enough, but if she’s happy then I’m happy too.”

Therese frowned. This time, it was her turn to cover Carol’s hand, and she gave it a reassuring squeeze. Carol squeezed back before she changed the subject, her upbeat voice strained just the slightest bit, “She goes back to her father’s house Sunday evening. How about you email me your manuscript and we can… _meet_ after class on Monday to talk about it?” Therese beamed at her, making Carol’s heart flutter at the sheer joy behind the smile.

“That sounds lovely. I’ll plan a day of it.” Before Carol could interject and clarify her intentions, Therese glanced at her phone and slapped her palm to her forehead, “Shit! I’m late for the record store. I was supposed to be there ten minutes ago!” She quickly stood, shoving all her materials haphazardly into her bag while Carol watched with raised eyebrows and wide eyes.

“Do you want me to give you a ride?”

“No, that’s okay, it’s just down the street. Thank you though.” Therese swung her backpack over her shoulders and smiled once more at Carol before leaning down to give her a quick peck on the cheek. “See you Monday!” she called as she sped out of the store, leaving Carol sitting frozen. Slowly she brought a hand up to brush her fingers over the tingling skin Therese had just kissed. She then sighed and closed her eyes, cradling her cheek in her palm like a treasure. _I’m in too deep, aren’t I?_

-.-.-.-

Later that evening, Carol sat herself down in front of her desk, glass of wine in hand. Rindy had drifted off on the couch about an hour prior, her head resting gently in Carol’s lap as she threaded her fingers through her hair. The two had had a calm evening of Chinese and a movie together; Rindy had picked _Matilda_ even though she’d seen it hundreds of times, and Carol could do nothing but oblige. Her mini-me had only lasted an hour before Carol could feel her breathing even out and her body relax, and she had smiled down at her. She’d rested like that for a while, continuing to curl her sun-tinted locks between her fingers, before she felt she could escape without waking her child. She didn’t leave the room before covering her with a quilt and pressing the softest of kisses against her forehead.

Carol had seen Therese’s email come in hours ago and her heart had skipped a beat. She’d forced herself to set it aside until later so that she could spend time with her daughter, but she’d found her mind drifting back to it frequently. Superficially, she worried what she would say if it was bad; deeper inside her, she knew it wouldn’t be. Deeper, she was afraid of what she’d do when it turned out to be beautiful. Therese already made her body feel things she wasn’t used to, already occupied most of her waking thoughts. When she’d seen her sitting in the booth out of the window, she’d immediately abandoned her plans and gone to sit with her. She couldn’t resist, even if she had wanted to.

She turned on her computer, fingers drumming impatiently on the surface of the desk as she lifted her glass to sip her wine. Idly, she wondered if Therese liked wine, whether she liked red or white or if she was more into beer. Or liquor? A small smile teased the edges of her lips before she frowned, noticing her train of thought. This was getting to be dangerous. Her teeth began to worry at her lower lip as she pulled up her email:

**Friday, March 20, 2020. 6:30 PM**

**From:** [ **therese.belivet@gmail.com** ](mailto:therese.belivet@gmail.com)

**To:** [ **carol.aird@nyu.edu** ](mailto:carol.aird@nyu.edu)

**Subject: You asked for it.**

_Carol,_

_I’ve never shown this to anyone before, but it’s a draft of this story I’ve been working on. I managed to figure out how to put poetry within the chapters… I don’t know. It sounds silly now that I’m telling this to you. Let me know what you think._

_Unless you hate it. Then just…don’t tell me._

_Yours,_

_Therese._

Attached to the email was a file simply called _Falling_ , and Carol held her breath while she clicked on it and waited for it to load. As the words spread across her screen, Carol dove in, her glass of wine forgotten on the desk next to her. She found herself drawn in, unable to pull away. She pored through page after page, heart swelling. It was magnificent. She’d never read anything quite like it; even her own writing didn’t hold a candle to it. There was something about the way Therese managed to use words to bring a sense of life to her writing, the way she wound poems with the prose into one coherent piece that worked in a way she had never seen done before.

When she reached the end of it, thirty pages later, Carol yearned for more, even considered emailing Therese begging for the next bit. Instead, she pulled out her phone and dialed Abby.

“You’re so lucky I wasn’t with someone or you would be going right to voicemail,” Abby said upon answering, the smile in her voice.

“I managed to catch you on your one night off a week, how lucky for me,” Carol retorted, grinning against the phone.

“Shut up. Why are you calling me anyway? Don’t you have Rindy right now? I thought she would’ve worn you out.”

“Mhm,” Carol responded, leaning back in her chair and spinning it around so she wouldn’t get distracted by the words on the screen. “She fell asleep a while ago. I’ve been reading Therese’s manuscript.”

“Ah yes, the young writer,” Abby drawled. Carol rolled her eyes but then paused, unsure how to respond. “Carol?”

“Abby. It’s beautiful,” Carol sighed finally, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling. “I’ve never read anything quite like it. It’s as if this language was created just for her.” Abby was silent for several moments; she seemed to be mulling over her words.

“You’re in really deep with this one, aren’t you, Ross?” she finally whispered.

“Yeah. I think I am,” Carol responded, her eyes watering. She cleared her throat to keep the tearful rasp out of her voice.

“Please tell me you know what you’re doing,” Abby begged quietly.

“I don’t,” Carol responded after a moment. “I never did.” And with that, she hung up the phone and turned back to the manuscript, no longer in the mood for talking. Her chest was a raging storm of emotions, but she knew one thing for sure: she would not be able to pull away from Therese like she had been able to the others. She was stuck, hopelessly so, and the sheer realization of her feelings for the young writer felt like a strike to the walls she’d built for herself over the years. She could feel her resolve cracking around her, her walls tumbling. She sighed and spun in her chair to face her computer, fingers settling on the keys.

**Saturday, March 21, 2020. 1:47 AM.**

**From:** [ **carol.ross@nyu.edu** ](mailto:carol.ross@nyu.edu)

**To:** [ **therese.belivet@gmail.com** ](mailto:therese.belivet@gmail.com)

**Subject: Re: You asked for it.**

_Therese,_

_I can’t wait to talk to you on Monday._

_Yours,_

_Carol._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE this chapter, and I'm so excited I finally get to post it for you guys to read. Let me know what you think!!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Monday came after what felt like eons of waiting. Though Carol had enjoyed the time she spent with her daughter and was sad to see her return to her father at the end of the weekend, she knew her mind had been elsewhere. Several times Rindy had had to snap her fingers in her mom’s face to get her attention; Carol always managed an excuse, but every time her thoughts had been on Therese.

She’d spent the morning with anxiety gnawing a pit in her stomach. Her eyes flashed open to be greeted by darkness after a particularly explicit dream, and despite the shivers racing up and down her spine she forced herself to get up and take a ( _very cold_ ) shower instead of lazing around with her hand between her legs. In the shower she took extra time making sure her hair was sleek, her body clean, face washed several times. She told herself it was in the name of pampering, but deep down she knew that wasn’t the whole truth. Wrapped in a robe, Carol stood in front of the mirror, scowling at the laugh lines creasing the edges of her eyes.

After a few moments of prodding, a heavy sigh, and one gurgling coffeemaker later, Carol stood in front of her closet with a mug in her hand. Her brow furrowed as she took a sip and considered what she wanted to wear for the day. The anxiety clutched at her chest as she realized she had no idea what was happening to her today; it had all been up to Therese, a decision which Carol was now very much regretting. She craved control, thrived on it even. Why she had so willingly given that up to the young writer was a mystery to her. She lifted a hand to flick through a few articles of clothing before deciding to go casual with black slim fit jeans, a muted red button-down, and a grey blazer. She turned and left her room without looking at the mirror, refusing to be possessed by the need to change her outfit several hundred times before leaving.

She threw her bag over her shoulder and stepped out of the apartment. The air had a fresh smell to it, crisp and clear, like cut grass. She smiled slightly, savoring the scent for a moment, before stepping up to the curb to hail a taxi. Once inside the taxi she found herself daydreaming, an unfamiliar habit. Though she couldn’t quite remember what exactly it was she had been thinking about, there were distinct flashes of green. Carol sighed as she paid the driver and exited, brows furrowed. Distraction was of concern to her, she needed to focus on staying present. She had to be on her game. Just because she had a new interest didn’t mean she could afford to slack off.

Carol pushed her way into the seminar room and made her way to her usual seat, settling herself down. When she looked up, there was Therese, positively beaming at her. Her heard fluttered and her stomach twisted into a knot, but she smiled back at the young writer nonetheless. Therese was in dark green joggers and a denim jacket, and Carol had to stop herself from drooling when she saw a tight-fit, pale yellow tank-top come into view as Therese slid her jacket off her shoulders to rest on the back of the chair. She took a deep breath and glanced at her watch.

“Alright everyone. I figured we could jump right in with our discussion of _Flowers for Algernon_ today—”

“I thought it was stupid.” Carol raised both eyebrows, surprised, as she glanced around the classroom to try to find the source of the voice. Briefly, she caught Therese’s gaze and felt her breath catch at the fury she saw in her eyes. She followed where the brunette’s eyes were looking and found herself staring at Richard, who was leaning back in his seat and examining his fingernails.

“Mr. Semco – Richard. This is an upper-level course. I expect slightly more from you than that.” He stared at her for a moment before responding.

“I just didn’t get it. What was the point? He was stupid, let him stay stupid. And that mouse? Who writes that much about a mouse?” Carol opened her mouth to respond but a sharp voice beat her to it.

“Maybe if you spent more time thinking about actual people and emotions instead of yourself, you would’ve understood.” Carol looked over to Therese with slightly wide eyes, shocked at the rage vibrating underneath her words.

“What is that supposed to mean, T?”

“You know what it means, Richard. This book is a story of discrimination and injustice, of comfort found in the smallest places. But, of course, _you_ thought it was stupid because you don’t care about people who aren’t like you.” Therese spat before leaning back in her seat and grinding her teeth. “And my name isn’t T. Don’t call me that,” she finished, eyes still burning holes into Richard. He started back at her, attempting to match her intensity, before he glanced down at the table, silently admitting his defeat.

The class sat in stunned silence for several seconds. It was clear no one had seen that outburst coming, especially from Therese. Carol took a moment to organize her thoughts. Whatever had just happened had roots extending far beyond this classroom, and she knew that that was a wound Therese didn’t want her prying into so openly. So, she took a breath and attempted to restart discussion.

“Who else has thoughts on the book?”

***

Originally, Therese had been excited for this discussion. _Flowers for Algernon_ had been one of her favorites when she was younger and it definitely stood the test of time. She had had so much to say, but Richard had to go and open his _dumb_ mouth. She frowned at the table and attempted to withhold the tears that were stinging her eyes. She’d lost control of her temper and made a fool out of herself not only in front of the class but in front of Carol. She peeked at her and her face was unreadable, serene, as she listened to Jeanette speak.

As she was about to look back down at the table, Carol’s eyes slid to her own. Therese held her breath, waiting for some sort of emotion to flash on her face, to let her know what the woman was thinking. As if sensing Therese’s need, Carol gave her the smallest of smiles before turning to address Cy, who had begun to respond to Jeanette. The smile made her heart flutter and brought her mood up the slightest bit, but she still felt her lips zipping themselves together. She spent the rest of the class sitting silently, hands wringing as anxiety coursed through her stomach.

The closer the minutes ticked to the end of class, the closer she was to her day with Carol. She frowned, mulling the statement over in her mind. _Her day with Carol_. Was it a date? Hanging out? Therese chewed the inside of her lip. What did she want it to be? Of course she knew what she wanted it to be. _But_ , she thought, her eyes sliding over to Carol to take in her smooth skin, the delicious curve of her jaw as she angled her head to listen to Tommy, _what does she want it to be?_ She exhaled softly and forced her attention back to the present moment just as Carol leaned back in her seat,

“And we’re out of time. Amazing discussion, insightful words from all. Don’t forget we’re reading _Pride and Prejudice_ for next class,” Carol finished with a smile, her hand lifting to playfully wave and dismiss the class. Therese took her sweet time putting her materials away, watching as surreptitiously as possible until the last student filtered out. Once they were alone, Therese stood and hoisted her bag on her shoulder, flashing as sheepish smile over to the blonde who had stood and was slipping her blazer back on. She lifted a brow in response.

“Are you going to bite my head off too?” Carol asked. Therese flushed in embarrassment and shame before she saw the wry smile creeping onto Carol’s lips. Her pinched expression quickly smoothed out, and she allowed herself a soft laugh, holding her hands up.

“I was out of line, I’m sorry. He just really riles me up sometimes.”

“I can see that,” Carol responded, coming around the table to stand next to Therese. “Care to explain?” Therese groaned playfully before grabbing Carol’s hand, almost dragging her out of the classroom.

“Later. I have a busy day planned.”

***

Therese did in fact have a busy day planned. As much as Carol’s heart stopped when Therese dragged her through campus holding her hand, it restarted with a yearning fury every time she looked at the joy radiating from those green eyes. Any thoughts of pulling her hand away had died the moment Therese turned back to smile at her, dimples on full display. Carol could feel her resolve melting by the second.

Their first stop of the day had been at a small coffee shop, where Therese had basically shoved a coffee and a sandwich into Carol’s hands. Therese said something about the pesto being the best she’d ever had, and they got their mozz from the deli next door and – but all Carol could thing about was the fact that her fingers were still tingling from where they’d brushed against Therese’s eager hands. The two spent their time at the coffee shop chatting and giggling like teenagers, feet knocking playfully against one another’s underneath the table.

Once they’d finished, Therese had taken Carol’s hand and lead her outside until they hit Central Park. The women meandered around the walkways, Therese occasionally dashing off to take a picture of something she found especially noteworthy. Carol always lingered behind, allowing herself a moment to smile without her subject’s eyes on her. Watching the childlike wonder possess Therese the instant before she darted off, camera already coming up to her eye, made something flutter in Carol’s stomach. _Butterflies?_ She thought, _I really am acting like a teenager_. Still, she couldn’t help but smile inwardly. Despite the silliness of it, something felt right.

Carol was lost in her thoughts, hand absently skimming the bark of a tree as she waited for Therese to return when she heard the click of a shutter. Startled, she lifted her head to see the brunette in front of her, grinning wide behind the camera. Carol had run at her then, hands up, laughing and protesting as Therese backed away to keep taking photos. When Carol had finally caught up to her own personal paparazzi, she wound her arms around her waist and dragged her to the ground, both women panting and giggling as they sprawled in the grass, legs intertwined. Neither moved for some time; instead, they gazed up at the sky and pointed out shapes in the clouds. 

It wasn’t until the sky had gone from bright blue to a soft purple that they made their way to the final stop of the night. It was a cozy little bookstore and bar, and the two women moved to sit in a small booth toward the back. The day had darkened considerably, and small candles dotted the surfaces of the bar. Carol watched the shadows flicker over Therese’s face, finding herself suddenly unable to breathe. The feeling only intensified when she reached over to grasp Carol’s hand, thumb softly tracing her knuckles. Carol only dragged her mind out of its emotional haze when Therese spoke to her,

“Did you have fun today?” the question was weightless, but Carol was shocked to find anxiety lingering in the brunette’s eyes, teeth worrying her lower lip. She moved to grasp Therese’s one hand inside of both of her own, smiling earnestly.

“More fun than I’ve had in years, Therese. Thank you.” At that the anxiety melted from her features and Therese beamed at her. She leaned back to take a sip of her wine, releasing Carol’s hands.

“Tell me about Rindy.” Carol’s smile softened, and she looked down at her hands as she spoke.

“She’s wonderful. She’s smart, and funny, and _so_ damn stubborn. But she’s also intuitive, and she can read anyone like a book.” She tilted her head, nose wrinkling as she recalled a memory. “I remember when she was four. Harge had come home stinking drunk and I was pissed. Absolutely livid. But I did my best to pretend it was okay for Rindy. I smiled, and we played and laughed and sang. And just as I tucked her into bed, she looked up to me with her big eyes and asked me what her dad did to make me so angry.” Carol sighed, a mix of amusement and nostalgia. Her eyes were downturned, so she didn’t catch the sudden shock on Therese’s face.

“Wait. Harge? As in, _Dean of Students_ Harge Aird?” she asked. Carol noticeably stiffened, fingers tightening on the stem of her wine glass. Carol’s jaw set in a hard line and didn’t relax until Therese reached across the table to brush her fingers under her chin. Carol sighed and rolled her shoulders back before responding.

“That’s the one.” There was so much more Carol wanted to say but couldn’t bring herself to force out. Not here, not now. Her heart ached and the pit of her stomach struck her like a hammer. Therese watched her like a hawk, eyes a picture of concern despite her frown. The thumb brushed across her knuckles once, twice, three times, bringing her heart rate down with each stroke. She took a deep breath and moved to pick up her own wine glass, focusing her eyes back on Therese with what she hoped was a gentle smile. “So Richard,” she began, segueing away from the uncomfortable subject as smoothly as possible. Therese took the bait, snorting and rolling her eyes.

”Richard,” she repeated, sticking her tongue out as if the word tasted bad. Carol couldn’t stop the laugh from bubbling up in her throat, a single lifted brow urging Therese to continue. “He was a one-night kind of thing. I was really drunk – _really_ drunk – and the next thing I knew we were back at his place. I’d never really been into men before but I thought, hey, lots of people do it. There’s got to be something to it.” She shuddered dramatically before continuing. “Nope. Worst experience of my life. Unfortunately, what was for me a one-time mistake was, for him, the start of something beautiful,” Therese pretended to gag for emphasis; Carol threw her head back and laughed in response.

“He managed to worm his way into my friend group – I think Phil likes him? No one’s really sure, actually. But now he’s always around and he’s always staring at me, trying to talk to me, trying to get me to come home with him.” Therese frowned and narrowed her eyes in thought. “And he’s an asshole. He doesn’t care about other people, especially those who are different from him. If it doesn’t affect him, it doesn’t matter. And I can’t stand that, you know?”

This time it was Carol’s turn to rub her thumb over Therese’s knuckles, a protective fire burning deep in her belly. If it wouldn’t be vastly inappropriate and probably illegal, she would’ve hunted him down that instant and forced him to apologize. Forced him to promise to leave her alone, to acknowledge that she would never be _his_. Carol’s flesh was prickling with rage to the point where she was uncomfortable inside her own skin. Gently she set Therese’s hand down and stood, smiling at her in a way she hoped was reassuring.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” she said before darting off to the bathroom. Once there she splashed cool water on her face and glared at herself in the mirror. They weren’t even a couple; she had no right to feel so fiercely protective of Therese. And yet she did. She wanted to wrap her arms around her young writer and protect her from anything that may come. Carol sighed and ran her hands through her hair. She was in too deep.

As she exited the restroom and made to move back to her table, she froze. Sat in her seat was a gorgeous, raven-haired woman. She was leaning forward in a way that showed off her chest, smirking at Therese who was doing nothing but squirming uncomfortably and responding only when necessary. The brunette’s eyes were darting around the room, and when they found Carol’s she knew what they were saying: _help_. The fiery feeling returned deep inside her, but her face was cool as ice as she strode over to their table. She smiled at Therese, all fluttering lashes and shy smiles.

“I’m sorry. Do you work here?” Therese’s jaw dropped open in shock, but she quickly snapped together when Carol flashed her a playful wink.

“No, I don’t,” Therese mused, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“Damn, I was hoping you could help me find a book. I heard they had one by Carol Ross here, and they’re so hard to find…” Carol continued, leaning forward. She hummed in amusement when Therese’s eyes widened and locked on her shirt, which was now hanging slightly open.

“You know,” Therese began, cheeks flushing, “I think I did see one of those somewhere. I’m sorry,” she said, turning to the woman who sat scowling at Carol, “It was nice to meet you, but I really must help her.” Quickly Therese scooted out of the booth and Carol dragged her off through the bar and out the front door, the women collapsing into laughter once free.

When Therese finally straightened, Carol was staring at her, the humor having left her gaze. She smiled, predatory, and took Therese’s hand. Slowly she brought it to her lips and pressed a kiss to the woman’s palm, her teeth razing over the same spot a second later. She locked eyes with Therese through her outstretched fingers.

“Come home with me,” she murmured into her palm, breath hot on her skin. Therese remained silent for a moment, transfixed, before she stepped up to the curb to hail a passing cab. Carol smiled and pressed a teasing kiss to the shell of the woman’s ear before she slipped in and patted the seat next to her, her legs crossing. Therese sat down, eyeing Carol hungrily as the blonde gave the driver her address. Then, she sat back and allowed her hand to drift across the seat and rest delicately on Therese’s thigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The date!!! I had so much fun writing this and being able to finally allow them to /feel emotions/ together. It was so cathartic. I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did.
> 
> I'm sorry if there are any pauses in between updates, I'm trying to stay several chapters ahead to hold myself accountable. I need to do the work to get the attention.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW (if you couldn't already guess ;) )

Therese was ready to go the moment they arrived, but it seemed Carol had other plans. Her hands had reached out for Carol’s waist once they got inside but she slid out of her grip, smiling slyly at her. She quietly shut the door and sauntered off into the apartment, calling over her shoulder,

“Do you want a drink?” Therese lingered by the door frame, almost vibrating with need. The taxi ride over had been eerily familiar, Carol’s nails tracing delicate patterns on the insides of her thighs. It had set her on fire; she was surprised steam wasn’t rising from the top of her head. Meanwhile, Carol appeared cool, almost icy. Therese would’ve thought her completely unaffected if it weren’t for the way she stared at her, ravaged her eyes over her body. Once, when she thought Therese wasn’t looking, she’d caught her biting her lower lip while watching her. It made her shiver to think about it.

“Sure,” she rasped before clearing her throat. “What do you have?”

“Rum, whiskey,” Carol popped around a corner then, a bottle in her hand and an arch in her brow, “Bourbon?” The smile on Carol’s face was coy – she knew exactly what she was doing. All Therese could think about doing was running her tongue down the line of Carol’s neck and biting the spot where her pulse fluttered, so she just nodded mutely and followed her deeper into the apartment. While there were some photos of Carol and Rindy dotting the walls, most of the space was sparse and impersonal, as if only occasionally occupied. The furniture was nice, clearly expensive. A fireplace stood proudly on one wall surrounded by inlaid bricks.

Glasses clinked as Carol poured the drinks, but Therese was distracted by a hallway at the far end of the main room. She moved over, momentarily able to forget the deep ache in her center. Therese poked her head into an open room and saw a small bed, the walls of the pale blue room adorned with posters. _That must be Rindy’s._ She turned and saw a closed door at the end of the hall. Interest piqued, she moved toward it and was about to open it, fingers poised around the knob, when Carol spoke from behind her,

“Enjoying yourself?” she asked, amused. Therese nearly jumped out of her skin, letting lose a string of curses. She then turned to Carol and peeked at her shyly, half-smiling.

“Sorry,” she said quietly. Carol smiled and handed Therese her glass, nails dragging softly along the back of her hand. So softly, in fact, she would’ve questioned whether it happened if it hadn’t been for the teasing glimmer in Carol’s eyes. There was a pause and then she waved her hand, dismissing the apology.

“You were going to end up in there tonight anyway. I don’t mind if you look,” her voice said, noticeably lower in pitch than her normal tone. The glint in Carol’s eye as she said this sent a shiver coursing down Therese’s spine. She took a hearty drink before opening the door and stepping inside, acutely aware of the heat coming from Carol’s body as she stepped up behind her. Carol came flush behind her, and Therese’s eyes fluttered for a moment at the feel of her breasts on her back. _God, she’s going to be the death of me._

This room, clearly the master bedroom, had a different feeling than the rest of the apartment. The walls were a soft red, and different pieces of art dotted the surfaces. Some were impressionist pieces that struck Therese as faintly familiar, while others were prints of book covers. Two large bookcases dominated a corner of the room, full to the brim; nearby sat two plush armchairs, waiting to be used. The bed was in the middle, the comforter a similar shade of red as the walls. When Therese drew in a breath, she smiled; the scent was distinctly Carol – earthy and sweet.

Carol wound her arms around Therese’s hips and shifted forward to purr in Therese’s ear, “Do you like it?” In response, she swallowed hard and nodded, hips shifting backward slightly to press against Carol. A blush crept up her cheeks when she felt a soft laugh trickle into her ear. The blonde set her glass down on top of a dresser then brought her hand back to Therese, sliding it across her stomach, nails catching on the fabric of her tank top. Therese followed suit and set her glass down as well, her hands moving back to grip Carol’s waist and pull her closer.

Carol pressed gentle kisses to Therese’s neck starting at the base and moving up closer to her ear. With each successive kiss, her hands dipped lower and lower until they moved under Therese’s waistband and slid over her boxer-clad thighs. The feel of her fingers pressing against the fabric almost made her lose her composure. Briefly she considered if Carol would acquiesce if she outright begged to be touched, to have her inside, to have her tongue on her. A sharp bite on her neck let her know that no, Carol was in the mood to tease. She pressed her lips tight together to muffle a groan, her hips arching forward as the deep ache continued to build within her. Carol’s hand teased at the waistband of her underwear, fingers gently pulling at the material. She could feel her grinning against the shell of her ear as she spoke, “Have I told you yet how sexy it is that you wear boxer briefs?” Therese gasped in response, rocking her hips forward.

“I’m glad you like them,” she finally breathed, eyes closed. “Will you take them off now?” Carol laughed deep in her throat, hands slipping back up to her hips and pushing her forward to walk her toward the bed. Therese climbed up on it, resting on her knees, the blonde following suit directly behind her and using her hands to pull their bodies flush against one another. One hand moved across her body to pull up her tank top, fingernails lightly scraping against her stomach. Anxious to be undressed, Therese quickly shoved her hands back between the two of them to unclasp her bra. The blonde smiled against her neck.

“Good girl,” she whispered softly. A gasp wrestled from Therese’s throat and she shuddered at the desire pooling between her thighs. She’d never considered something like that to be so sexy, but here she was, body quaking and desperate to be touched from a simple phrase. Carol hummed her satisfaction low in her throat, lithe fingers maneuvering her shirt and bra off the young writer’s body. One hand wrapped around to rest on her chest and cup one of her breasts, the other resting on her stomach. Therese gasped and arched her back as fingers found her nipple and began rolling it. Carol’s arm tightened as they other hand began to slide lower.

“No,” Carol whispered against Therese’s ear, finally answering her question. She had to scan her brain to remember what she had asked; when it clicked, the gasped and bit her lower lip. Suddenly, she slipped her hands past her waistbands, deft fingers quickly finding slick folds. Therese’s hips jerked, but the woman pushed her hips hard against Therese’s from behind to hold her still. “Be good,” she said, fingernails digging gently into her nipple. Therese whimpered and bit her lip harder before nodding, her hips trembling. Carol groaned, sliding her fingers gently against her, “Fuck. How are you so wet already?” Therese whined in response, her hips rocking gently as she leaned back against Carol. Her fingers teased at her entrance and she pushed her hips down in response, breath quaking. Carol pulled away each time she pushed down, not ready to give her what she so desperately needed.

“Please,” Therese gasped, head tilting as Carol pressed her teeth to her pulse point. She leaned her weight back on Carol, who took it readily.

“Please what?” Carol responded, licking a stripe up her neck. She whimpered, hips trembling.

“Please fuck me. I can’t take it anymore,” she keened, panting. The blonde immediately slid two fingers inside of her, thumb pressing against her clit. Therese threw her head back against Carol’s shoulder, hips rocking fervently, chest heaving with each breath. Carol’s fingers curled within her and she jerked forward, gasping. The blonde groaned softly into Therese’s ear, her hips rocking against the brunette’s, fingers maintaining their pace. Each stroke across her clit sent fire blasting through her, coiling in a knot at the pit of her stomach. All she could feel, smell, taste, hear, was Carol. She pushed herself back against her, turning her head to bite and tug on her earlobe before whispering, “Faster. _Please_.”

With a gasp, Carol began to move her fingers faster inside of Therese, thumb pressing and rolling more urgently. Therese’s hips twitched and she a moan came from deep in her chest. One hand lifted to fist in Carol’s hair and hold her closer. The roll in her hips began to stutter, random muscles across her body beginning to tense. She was close, _so close,_ and she attempted to stutter out a warning but all that came out was a garbled series of moans and broken syllables. Still, she felt Carol’s breath hot on her neck as she responded.

“Fuck, baby. You’re _so_ hot. Come for me, I’ve got you.” Carol tightened her arm around her midsection to further emphasize her point, and Therese allowed her weight to sink back against her. She hovered on her edge, desperate for release, when Carol’s fingers curled once more, and her teeth sank into her neck. Therese cried out, body stiffening and back arching as she came. Fingers continued to move over her as she shook and rocked her hips, and she bit down on her wrist to muffle her cries. Eventually, the fingers in her slowed to move gently against her, her body relaxing to collapse completely against Carol’s. The blonde gently lowered her to the bed before stripping the remainder of their clothes, fingers tracing delicate patterns over her skin.

Therese rested against Carol, allowing herself to come down peacefully within her arms. Once she felt her heart rate reach non-dangerous levels, Therese slid her tongue along Carol’s lower lip, delighting in the shiver she felt from the older woman. Her hands lifted to run down the blonde’s back, nails pressing lightly against her skin, as she drew her teeth to her lip, tugging gently. Carol groaned into her mouth and shifted to straddle Therese while the young writer took this opportunity to separate and drag open-mouthed kisses down the curve of her neck, biting and sucking whenever – and wherever – the urge struck her.

She shifted her hands up in between them, fingers teasing her nipples as she sucked on her collarbone. Carol bit her lip to muffle a whimper, but Therese groaned all the same, immensely aroused by the pleasure she brought the blonde. One hand slid down to run between her legs, breath catching when she found her dripping wet. Therese moved her hands to push on Carol’s shoulders, forcing her to sit up. Carol whimpered at the separation, furrowing her brows down at Therese. The brunette grinned devilishly up at her before grabbing her hips and pulling them up toward her head. The look of confusion on Carol’s faced quickly morphed into one of lust, lips parted and cheeks flushed, as she positioned her knees on either side of Therese’s face.

With hands on her hips, she pulled her down to her, tongue tracing from her entrance to her clit. Carol slammed her hands onto the headboard. Her hips quaked as her legs threatened to give out. Therese circled her clit with her tongue, hands shifting to grab Carol’s ass and dig her nails in, kneading. She used her hands to push Carol’s hips further forward, and then she plunged her tongue inside, moaning against her as the taste hit her tongue. Carol shivered and gasped as Therese entered her, nails scraping along the wood of the headboard. She swirled her tongue in her for several seconds before moving back up to take her clit between her lips and suck gently, head lifting to follow Carol’s hips as they jerked in surprise.

One hand lowered between her legs and she gently moved two fingers inside of her, eyes fluttering as her walls immediately clenched. Therese groaned against Carol, the vibrations making the woman’s hips tremble. Fueled by the small cries echoing from above her, she ran the tip of her tongue over her clit in time with the thrusts of her fingers, breath shuddering when Carol’s hips ground down against her tongue. Above her, Carol clenched the headboard with both hands and arched her back, mouth open, as she rolled her hips. Each pass over her clit made her jerk and release a small whine, as if she were being shocked.

Therese dragged the nails of her free hand down Carol’s thigh to grip behind her knee and pull her closer, her own hips writhing in search of friction. Both women trembled, whimpering and whining in syncopation, one triggering the other. While sucking on her clit once more, Therese took a moment to look up. As she took in the halo of golden hair, the sweat glistening on her stomach, the rolling of her hips and the rise and fall of her chest, she had to remind herself to breathe. Then, Carol looked down and she forgot how to once more. The two women locked eyes, icy blue clouded in pleasure, green hazed over in desire. Carol’s eyes fluttered when she saw Therese dramatically flick her tongue over her clit once more, but they held each other’s gaze nonetheless. It wasn’t until Therese curled her fingers and quickly circled her clit did Carol look away, instead arching her back and squeezing her eyes closed.

”Therese, I’m—” she couldn’t finish, her words disintegrating into unintelligible whimpers and moans as Therese sped her fingers and circled her clit more urgently. The roll in her hips began to stutter and Therese moved her hand to grab and hold her still. As if a switch was flipped, Carol’s body stiffened and fell still over Therese, head thrown back as a cry escaped her. Therese slowed her motions, flattening her tongue to provide less pressure, fingers stilling. Her hips jerked with each touch of her tongue, eliciting a gasp.

Slowly her muscles loosened, and she sat back on Therese’s chest, breath coming in gasps. Therese gently pulled out her fingers and brought them to her mouth, eyes locked on Carol’s as she curled her tongue around her fingers and licked herself clean. Despite her heaving chest, Carol’s eyes looked hungry still, and Therese briefly flashed back to their first night and the look they shared in the mirror. Therese almost began to regret teasing her so soon after she came, but the woman lowered herself to press a firm kiss to Therese’s lips. She teased her mouth open with her tongue, tasting herself, before abruptly sitting back up. She smiled that predatory smile down at Therese, who trembled as she realized that she had lost whatever control she had previously held. Carol purred while turning to face the other direction, her center still poised tantalizingly above Therese’s mouth. She froze, torn between waiting to see what happened next and diving right in. Just before she made her choice, a kiss was pressed to her hip bone and she felt Carol’s words breeze over her clit.

“I’m not done with you yet, darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working several chapters ahead so I figured I'd grace you all with this lovely bit. I'm sure you'll hear from me again soon <3


	11. Chapter 11

Sunlight streamed through cracked blinds, kissing her eyelids open. Therese drew in a soft breath through her nose, reveling in the scent that filled her mind: _Carol_. Her sweat, her perfume, her space, _her._ Despite their difference in size, Therese was curled behind the older woman, an arm draped possessively around her waist, their legs tangled. She pressed her nose to the soft skin of her upper back, tracing along the soft peach fuzz and the lines of her shoulders. Her fingers traced spirals on her stomach just beneath her navel, and with each passing breath Therese felt herself sinking further into the warmth of their embrace.

As she ran her nose along the woman’s back, a slight change in the texture of her skin caught her off guard. Pulling back as subtly as possible so as not to disturb the sleeping blonde, she allowed herself to gaze at the expanse of her back. Scars razed across her back from shoulder to shoulder, their edges jagged and worn. The skin clearly had to have been ravaged at the time, but over the years the scars had mellowed to match her skin tone; despite this, they had that slight iridescence that deep wounds tended to maintain. A deep sadness permeated her heart and she delicately traced her fingertips along the wretched lines, frowning. What had caused those? What had hurt her so badly that she was marked like this?

Carol began to stir, head shifting slightly and her breath catching as consciousness latched onto her. Therese quickly pulled her fingers away, hoping her actions hadn’t been noticed; this was a conversation neither of them were quite ready to have. Carol’s body stiffened in a stretch before she rolled over to face Therese, one eye pressed into the pillow, the other gleaming. She pressed a kiss to her lips, a lazy smile stretching her lips as she pulled back,

“Good morning, my young writer.” Therese flushed, smiling bashfully in return.

“Good morning, Professor Ross.” Carol groaned playfully in response, her left hand reaching behind her to grab a pillow and shove it in Therese’s face. Laughing, she tossed the pillow away, the same hand then moving to cup her cheek. Her thumb brushed across her lower lip, then her upper, and down the line of her nose. Underneath the sensitive nerves of her fingers, a soft bump and crook in the bridge of her nose caught her attention. _Broken—healed—but how?_ Her thoughts scrambled. The confusion and concern must have been evident on her face, because Carol frowned back at her.

“Therese? Are you okay?” She briefly considered how to best respond. Though the wounds were hard to see without intense proximity, they were still there, still noticeable. A broken nose and a back littered with scars leant themselves to a nasty past. Therese worried the inside of her cheek with her teeth, momentarily lost in thought. She wanted to ask so many questions, wanted to dive into Carol and everything that had made her into the woman lying in bed next to her. At the same time, she was fearful, not only of what she could hear but worse, of having her queries rejected. Carol Ross, the woman with walls of ice, had not yet melted, Therese concluded. She wouldn’t push, yet.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She paused again, eyes narrowing. “You know what? I actually just realized something.” Carol raised her brows when Therese suddenly thrust a finger into her sternum. “You never told me what you thought about my writing!” The blonde flushed, mouth agape, before she closed it and allowed a much softer expression to take over. Her hand lifted to cup Therese’s cheek, thumb grazing gently along the line of her cheekbone.

“Do you want me to be honest?” The color drained from Therese’s face, but she nodded. “It is the most beautiful piece of writing I’ve ever read,” she said quietly. Despite the soft tone of Carol’s voice that inclined her to believe she was being serious, Therese snorted.

“Shut up,” she said quickly, eyes rolling.

“Why?” Carol responded, brows coming together in a frown.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Therese said quietly. Despite the joke in her voice, when Carol looked into her eyes, she saw something lingering in those green depths. Insecurity? Fear? The realization hit her like a shot in the heart. 

“No, I’m saying it because I mean it,” Carol said, firmly. Therese refused to meet her gaze and she scowled and continued. “I’ve never read anything quite like what you sent me. I’ve never seen anyone possess words and bend them to their will like you have. You’re not just using language, Therese. You own it.” She stared into her young writer’s young eyes, which were flickering nervously around the room. “I’ve been a writer for a very long time. That means I’ve been a reader for even longer, and a critical one at that.” She gripped Therese’s chin between her thumb and index finger, drawing her gaze. Carol scooted closer to Therese until their bodies were flush against one another, and she brought her face close enough that they could feel one another’s warmth but far enough to still maintain eye contact.

“I need you to trust me when I say that you have exceptional talent. One-of-a-kind. You should be on bookshelves. Your words _need_ to be read. Do you understand?” She scanned Therese’s eyes for a hint of recognition, but she instead found tears. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just—” she cut off as her voice broke. When she tried again, her lower lip quivered. “No one has ever… said anything like that to me. I knew I was good, but I didn’t know that…”

“Therese,” Carol interrupted, ghosting her lips across the younger woman’s. “You are _phenomenal_. Please, believe me.” Therese was silent for a moment as she searched Carol’s face for any hint of untruth. After several moments without words, she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Carol’s lips, attempting to convey her understanding. Carol exhaled through her nose – relief – before lifting her hand to wind into Therese’s hair.

They lingered like this for several moments, then Therese pulled away to press the bridge of her nose to Carol’s. She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, her stomach rumbled so loudly her mouth dropped farther open and she gasped, an embarrassed blush spreading along her cheeks. Carol’s expression softened, eyes taking on a playful glint.

“Did you not get enough to eat last night?” she purred, voice an octave lower than just moments ago. Therese’s eyes darkened as a shock of heat burst into the pit of her stomach. Quickly, she rolled atop the woman, hands braced just above her shoulders. Carol’s fingers lowered to knead at her thighs, both women looking at each other with flushed faces. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips along the line of Carol’s neck, up her jaw, only stopping when their lips hovered just above one another’s.

“I’m starving,” she whispered.

***

Several hours later, the women sat at the kitchen table, both clutching steaming cups of coffee. They’d spent the morning lounging in each other’s arms, alternately exploring and possessing one another’s bodies until spent of their energy. It was only then that they’d dragged themselves from the bed, Therese donning her boxers and tank top, Carol her underwear and an open button-down shirt.

The brunette found it impossible to keep her eyes off the exposed skin of her abdomen, the valley between her breasts, the hollow of her throat. The toast she had been chewing suddenly caught in her throat and Carol lifted an amused eyebrow as Therese abruptly coughed and took a hefty sip of coffee.

“You okay there?”

“Toast—dry,” Therese rasped, still attempting to clear her throat. She tapped her fist against her chest before grinning shyly at Carol, who was resting her forearms on the table so she could lean forward to watch Therese. Her eyes widened as she watched her shirt fall further open, soft pink nipples peeking out from behind the fabric. When she finally met Carol’s eyes, she was smirking at her. Therese immediately flushed and shrugged her shoulders guiltily – she had been looking. How could she not? Everything about Carol was captivating. Her eyes, her lips, her shoulders, her neck, her breasts, her hips – _everything_. Therese couldn’t spend more than a moment without looking at her, thinking about her, touching her. She was hooked. As she watched Carol’s eyes shift down to appraise the way her nipples were now straining against her tank top, she could assume the blonde felt the same.

Even more than just being physically captivating, Therese genuinely enjoyed being around her. Her entire life she hadn’t found herself drawn to someone like this – she wanted to know everything about her. What was her favorite book? Her favorite color? What movie made her cry the hardest? How did she decide which mattresses to buy? She wanted to know the things that would be considered insignificant, wanted to know the small little details. She wanted to name each star in the galaxy that was Carol. Her heart cinched painfully. _Shit,_ she realized. _Is this what love is?_

Therese bit her lip, lost in thought as she gazed at the other woman sipping her coffee. Did she feel the same? Did she want to know her favorite crystal (amazonite)? Or what her least favorite sound was (silverware clinking on ceramic plates)? Did Carol want to know _her?_ Across the table, the blonde’s expression was serene yet unreadable. _Her_ walls _are still standing strong_ , Therese mused. But would she help tear them down? Was Therese worth it?

For the second time that day, Carol caught the strained expression on her face and reached across the table to rest her hand gingerly atop Therese’s.

“Are you okay?” she said. Therese jerked sharply, the tender touch having caught her off guard. She managed to keep her hand underneath Carol’s, reveling in the sensation.

“Yes,” she said while smiling at her. “I’m fantastic. I had such a great time with you yesterday.” Carol beamed back at her in a way that made her chest constrict.

“Me too. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard or talked that much,” Carol admitted, casting her eyes down as her fingertips danced softly along the back of Therese’s hand. There was a pregnant pause before she continued, “Are you doing anything today?” Catching her companion’s raised eyebrows, she quickly interjected. “Not that – I mean—Not that we have to do anything. I was just curious,” she finished lamely, frowning to herself. Meanwhile, Therese smiled before sighing,

“As much as I would love to be here with you, I have a shift at the record store, and I promised Dannie I’d come over and proofread his thesis.” Carol nodded in response, and Therese could see the walls building behind her eyes.

“I see,” she said softly, voice chilly. 

“But I was thinking,” Therese continued, forcing herself to speak before her words failed her, “I would—um. I would love to see you after class tomorrow. If you wanted?” It took a moment for the words to sink in, but then Carol flashed Therese the smile that made her tremble.

“I would love to.”

***

**that evening**

Therese lay draped across Dannie’s couch, his laptop discarded next to her. They had spent the past hour plowing through his thesis and her eyes ached from dissecting the words. Dannie passed her a piece of pizza which she accepted gratefully.

“So,” he began, leering at her from his place on the ground. “How was your night? Hot date with Professor Ross?” Therese snorted in response, tossing her crust at him.

“It wasn’t a _date._ At least, I don’t think so.” Her brows furrowed and Dannie tilted his head.

“Did you not clarify beforehand?” he asked, munching on her discarded crust.

“No? We just agreed we were going to see each other. We were supposed to talk about the book I’m working on.”

“Did you?”

“Well—” she started. “Not exactly.”

“Not exactly?”

“We kind of got…distracted,” she finished sheepishly. Dannie quirked a brow at her in silent question, his mouth full of pizza. “We went to a coffee shop and walked through Central Park. I tried to take her picture, but she tackled me – that woman is fast! And then we ended up at the little bar, you know, the one lined with bookshelves?” Dannie nodded silently. “And then…Well,” she blushed, unsure how to finish. Dannie burst into guffaws, hands slapping his thighs. “I remembered to bring it up this morning, but yeah,” she finished, smiling faintly at the ground.

“That’s one giant distraction, Therese.” She shrugged, eyes not meeting his. “Did you have fun?”

“ _God,_ yes,” she breathed, a private smile on her lips. “I’ve never found someone so entertaining. We must’ve lain in the grass for an hour, just looking up at the clouds. There’s something about her that’s so disarming. When I spend a lot of time around people like that, I get so uncomfortable. I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin,” she chuckled to herself, fingers wringing together involuntarily. “But with her… I don’t know. I feel at ease. And I feel like she wants to hear what I have to say? I don’t know.” Therese realized suddenly that Dannie had fallen silent, and she looked up to see him staring at her.

“Therese,” he began. She furrowed her brows, confused.

“What?”

“Therese,” he tried again. “Are you falling for her?” Her heart stopped beating. It felt as if her lungs were paralyzed.

“I—No, I--,” she tried repeatedly, the words fumbling on the tip of her tongue and refusing to leave until she admitted the truth. She heaved a sigh, looking down. “I might be, Dannie,” she whispered, throat clenching. “And I’m terrified.” Dannie scooted across the floor to rest his hand on her knee.

“Ther, I see the look in your eyes when you talk about her. There’s a light there that I don’t think I’ve seen before. Not when you met me, not when you got accepted to NYU. Even if you don’t want to admit it, what you’re feeling for her isn’t common.” Therese simply nodded, mute. Dannie paused for a moment, giving her the chance to respond. She worked her jaw open.

“I don’t want to lose… _this_ , by trying to make it something more,” she rasped, voice cracking with the strain. Her hands extended to grasp Dannie’s, squeezing it tight. He nodded solemnly.

“I can understand that. But eventually, speaking from experience, _this_ won’t be enough. You’ll need more, and every minute you don’t have it will be agony.” She sighed.

“I need to talk to her, don’t I?”

“Yeah, Ther. I think you do.”

***

**that same evening – across manhattan**

“So,” drawled Abby, from within a cloud of smoke, “How was your night with your young author?” Carol rolled her eyes in response, pulling her cigarette from her lips.

“She has a name, you know?” Abby waved a hand dismissively.

“Fine. How was your night with _Therese_?” she tried again, grinning. Pleased, Carol looked away from her to the photographs adorning the walls across the room. Abby had come over to her place, Carol suddenly unable to withstand the solitude that she normally reveled in.

“It was nice.”

“Just _nice_?” Carol sighed, surrendering to Abby’s prying.

“Fine. Fine! It was amazing. I had the best time. She’s so willful and spirited, but at the same time I just want to wrap her up and keep her safe.” She smiled softly as she spoke. “She’s a photographer, too. I looked through her camera while she was getting dressed this morning. It’s like she’s a master of whatever artform she chooses to engage with.” Sighing wistfully, she missed Abby’s eyebrows shooting into her hairline.

“You let her stay the night?” Carol shot her a look, confusion pulling her brows together.

“Yes?”

“Carol, you never even let _me_ stay the night. You’re the one-night stand queen – fuck ‘em then send ‘em to the curb!” Carol cringed at the language and the unpleasant reminder. She turned her eyes away from Abby.

“So?” she countered weakly.

“So,” Abby continued, “It seems you two are getting awfully close.”

“So what if we are?” Carol said with a shrug she hoped came across as nonchalant. Abby sighed and set her cigarette down so she could reach across and put her hand on Carol’s knee.

“Carol,” she began. The blonde shot her a wary look.

“What?”

“Carol,” she tried again. “Are you falling for her?” Her heart stopped beating and she quickly looked away from Abby. She ground her teeth for a moment, panic burning in her throat.

“I—” she began, but cut off as the words died on her tongue. Unable to finish, she instead looked at Abby with tears shining in her eyes. Abby’s face softened, her hand squeezing her knee gently.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do. But you need to figure out where you stand and what you want from this before both of you get hurt. You need—” she stopped, trying to organize her words, “You need to be careful.” Carol nodded in response, biting her lip and staring at the floor. Her words floated into the air weakly, gaze looked onto the pattern of the wood. Upon hearing the words, Abby released her knee and took a heavy drag from her cigarette before responding.

“I need to talk to her, don’t I?”

“Yeah, Carol. I think you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooo here we gooooo, getting personal!! I have more written and the whole thing planned, don't y'all worry. We are going places!


	12. Chapter 12

Therese opened her eyes to the buzzing of her phone. Not quite ready to admit she was awake, she blindly reached over and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she squinted at the screen to make out the words. What she saw made her smile.

_Good morning, my young writer._

The two had been texting on and off the past several days, having been unable to meet in person. While their conversations hadn’t been particularly deep, they had been amusing and exceedingly fluffy. It was a poor substitute for kissing Carol, but talking about her lips without her being able to see Therese blush certainly had its perks. Running a hand down her face to wipe the dopey grin off – and failing miserably – she glanced to the darkness of her windows before replying.

_Morning? It’s the middle of the night._

She could feel Carol smiling despite their distance; the knowledge of her familiarity with the woman made a pleasant heat blossom in her chest. She smiled at the ceiling until her phone buzzed again.

_It is 6:30 AM. That is a perfectly normal time to be awake. You’re just lazy._

Therese chuckled and went to reply, but another message shot in before she could begin typing.

_There’s something I want to talk to you about. Are you still able to see me after class today?_

_Yep_ , Therese typed. _Free as a bird._

Several minutes passed, the three small dots appearing and disappearing in the corner of her screen betraying Carol’s apparent difficulty finding her words. Finally, another message came in.

_Good._

And then,

_Pride and Prejudice today._

Therese smiled and left the conversation at that, dragging herself out of bed to get dressed and ready for the day. Normally, the thought of someone wanting to talk to her conjured painful sensations, an anxious fist squeezing her heart and ripping open her lungs. It stung of break ups, bad conversations, angry faces and harsh words. And yet – something about this felt different. She was soaring.

The morning passed with relative ease. Therese had donned a black, off the shoulder sweater with faded skinny jeans without much thought, her head lost in a pleasant haze. She only jerked back to reality when she took a sip of coffee and realized with disdain that she’d accidentally put salt in instead of sugar. With a sigh, she turned the cup into the sink, resigned to beginning her day without the much-needed jolt of caffeine.

She didn’t remember much of her journey to class this morning, having instead been drifting through her thoughts and maneuvering through the physical world on autopilot. Blonde hair and soft fingers traced the edges of her daydreams and her thoughts screamed the color red. Therese hardly startled when a car’s horn shrieked at her for crossing a moment too soon. The angry driver held up his hands at her in frustration when all she did was flash him a lazy smile and continue on her way. She was far too inside her head to care; in fact, that car could have struck her and she still would’ve been happy.

Pushing her way into the classroom, she sat down with a plunk and took a moment to look around. Across the table, ice blue eyes were drifting over her, not with intensity but with a soft sense of appreciation. Therese had lifted her hand to blow a kiss before she realized her surroundings and instead worked the hand into her hair, cheeks flushing at the near-catastrophic close-call. From her peripheral she could see Carol’s shoulders shaking in silent laughter, to which she rolled her eyes and bent to pull her book from her backpack.

 _Be careful,_ she chided herself. _You don’t know what you are yet, you don’t know who can know. Don’t make it too obvious_. Therese frowned to herself, fingers beginning to drum on the hardcover of her novel. _What are we?_ She lifted her gaze to look across the table at Carol, who was busy sorting papers and sending a last-minute text. Her heart thrummed in her chest, impatiently almost, and she had to bite back the words she knew she couldn’t say here. _Not here, not now._

“Alright,” Carol began, leaning back in her seat and crossing one leg over another. Therese’s mouth suddenly ran dry at the flare of calf and raised heel; when she looked up, the blonde’s smile was knowing. “Pride and Prejudice today. What did you all think?”

“It made me wonder how it would translate into the modern era,” Tommy started. “As we all know it seems to be a commentary on etiquette of the period, as well as an exploration of romance of the time. I found myself thinking about whether or not this book stands the test of time,” he said, with a tilt of his head.

“Mmm, I can see what you mean,” Therese interjected, though she was staring off into space as she formulated her words. “That said, I still think it paints an incredibly poignant picture about communication, intentions, and interpretations. The entire novel we feel Liz wants nothing to do with Mr. Darcy due to his behavior, when in fact, it was the opposite.” Her eyes flickered to Carol. “Perhaps if he had shared his feelings sooner…”

“Yes!” Jeanette interrupted. “I agree, Therese. The novel is rife with miscommunication which is what makes it so undeniably human.” Several students nod. Therese looks to Carol, who was shifting slightly in her seat. The blonde stretched forward, resting her arms on the table.

“Have we considered the barriers Mr. Darcy may have faced in courting Liz?” she began, eyes anywhere but Therese. Cy frowned at the question.

“He was a noble, was he not? What barriers?” he queried. Carol flashed him a small smile, but her mind was elsewhere as she drafted a response.

“Each time period has its own roadblocks to a fully open romance. I’m sure we could list off ones that impact us even today. But back then, one had to be very careful. Mr. Darcy not only had Liz to consider, but he had her family, and his own. He had his status, and… her status.” She finished in a murmur, eyes resting gently on Therese before flitting away, as if uncertain. Therese raised her eyebrows,

“But did they not come together in the end? Was their love not strong enough to overpower those barriers?” she replied, face calm despite the raging of her heart in her chest. “Should he have considered, perhaps, Liz’s opinion? Spoken to her and let her understand the circumstances, and allow her to decide their mutual fate instead of resting the power solely in his hands?” Carol chewed on the information and her lower lip, nodding slightly.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right, Therese.” She lifted her eyes to her and smiled at her; Therese felt her spine quake and her breath wheeze in her throat. It hit her suddenly that they were no longer discussing Liz and Mr. Darcy, and that their words had struck a hidden chord within them both. Carol’s face had lost some of its color, but still she gave Therese that half-smile that reassured her: _Everything is alright. We will talk_.

Therese spent the remainder of the class inside her mind, thumbnail trapped between her teeth. While she would occasionally interject a thought here or there, she found it near impossible to rip her mind from the thoughts of Carol. The tension between them hung thick and heavy, and it weighed on her chest with a pressure that forced her lungs to fight to breathe. She watched Carol as subtly as possible; though she still monitored the discussion, her eyes were glazed, and she was chewing on her pen cap. Despite the uncertainty of the situation, Therese couldn’t help but smile. Usually it was her that was prone to the nervous fidgeting, and there was something uniquely attractive about Carol appearing so… human.

Carol dismissed the class with a reminder of their next book, and everyone stood to leave save for Therese, who had rested her chin on the table while deep in thought. She jumped slightly when a hand moved into her line of sight, red nails drumming the surface of the table to grab her attention. Carol’s voice swam into her ear.

“Are you ready to go?” Without shifting, she slid her eyes up to meet the icy blue. Her blonde hair drifted around her head in a halo, and she had to fight the urge to run her hands through it. Instead, she stood and returned the smile.

“Go where, exactly?”

“Ah ah ah,” Carol said, wagging a finger. “You chose last time. Now it’s my turn.” With a roll of her eyes and a playful huff, Therese bumped her shoulder against Carol’s before following her from the classroom. They moved in a comfortable silence across campus, close enough that their hands could brush but not close enough as to betray the intimacy the two possessed. Therese found herself drifting again until she almost ran into Carol, who had stopped walking. The blonde raised an eyebrow at her, a playful smile on her lips as she beeped her car unlocked.

“How far are we going?” Therese asked, looking between the woman and the car. Carol smiled, eyes twinkling, as she moved into the driver’s seat.

“You said you were free as a bird. I hope you weren’t bluffing.” She chuckled softly, walking around the other side and tossing her bag in before climbing in the passenger side.

“You know, for some reason I pictured you in something…sleeker.” Carol scoffed and pressed her fingertips to her chest, scathed.

“Excuse me. A Civic is a perfectly respectable car.” Therese snorted, trying to bite back a smile.

“Yeah, for a _mom_.” Carol barked out a laugh as she threw the car into gear and drove down the street. Therese settled back and watched their surroundings out the window. The two rested in silence. Carol’s hand, which had previously been resting on the gear shift, slid to Therese’s and gripped it softly. As they made their way out of the city and into more natural terrain, Therese watched the trees pass as blurs. Carol, unyielding, refused to give up any information no matter how much she pestered, pouted, begged, and whined. It wasn’t until they pulled into Harriman State Park that Carol flashed her eyes to Therese.

“Please tell me you’re wearing good shoes.” Therese simply nodded in response. They drove for several more moments, Carol tapping out rhythms on the steering wheel until, finally, she parked the car. Both women stepped out, and Therese glanced wearily at the trail in front of them.

“We’re…hiking?”

“Do you trust me?” Carl asked, voice suddenly soft. She grasped her hand and gave it a gentle tug.

“Of course,” Therese replied without hesitation. And she meant it, too. Every fiber of her being trusted the woman next to her with complete certainty. She could walk her off a cliff and she’d go willingly, fully believing that they would end up okay in the end.

“Then come with me.” Despite the lightness of the sentence, something in Carol’s eyes implored her with a hint of desperation. She glanced down to see red lips tremble slightly. Her heart seized. Unable to find her voice, she pressed a soft kiss to those red lips before walking forward. The two made their way up the trail, Carol teasing Therese who wheezed several feet behind her – “come on slowpoke!” “you didn’t tell me there was a mile-long incline!” “it’s good for your endurance. And your ass. Move it”. When the terrain levelled out, they moved along at a steady pace, fingertips linked together.

Finally, Carol approached a ledge that overlooked the Hudson. The light reflected off the water and onto the blonde, making her glow. Therese’s breath caught in her throat at the ethereal sight before her. When Carol turned to smile at her, she knew there was no where else she’d rather be, no one else she’d rather have. They both sat on the ledge, feet dangling, hands touching and sending electric currents through Therese’s body. The two sat in silence for several moments before Carol began abruptly, gaze still drifting over the river.

“My marriage was a mess. In the beginning, it was good. I didn’t love him, but he could give me what I thought I needed: stability, a home, a family.” She paused then, swallowing. “We coasted the first few years. I think our careers carried us through. After Rindy was born though… I don’t know. Something broke down.” Carol’s brow furrowed as she considered her next words. “It started getting bad. We would fight constantly; he would storm out and slam the doors so hard pictures fell from the walls. Just, _screaming_. _All the time_. And then—” she cut off. Therese finally turned to see tears welling in Carol’s eyes. She reached over to squeeze her hand but didn’t dare speak.

“And then I couldn’t… I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew I had to get out. For so long I had stayed because I knew Rindy needed me, and I knew that he would do anything he could to keep her from me if I left. But, eventually I realized that I was only a shell of myself. I never smiled, I barely talked. I was living off vodka and cigarettes by the end.” Her voice cracked and she left out a bitter laugh, her free hand lifting to cover her mouth as she drew her broken pieces together. Therese had to bite her lip to stave off the welling tears.

“So I left. And in leaving I lost almost everything. My home, my daughter, my stability. It took everything – _everything –_ just to be able to see her as much as I do now.” She shook her head. “I’m so scared, Therese.” It was then that she finally turned to look at the young woman next to her, eyes red and weary. “I always told myself that I would never do it again, never…” _Fall in love,_ her mind said, but she shoved it away. “Never get involved with someone. It would just be me. I couldn’t risk tethering myself like that, not after what happened before.” Seeing the pained look on Therese’s face, Carol lifted her hand to gently cup her cheek. “And I’m scared, because… I want to do that. With you. I don’t want to be just…a _thing._ I want to be with you, in every sense of the word. But there are things that scare me, things that can hurt me. And you. And I’m afraid I’ll do you more harm than good.” Therese shook her head, hand lifting to cup Carol’s jaw.

“Have I ever told you about my family?” she said softly. Carol shook her head. “My father died when I was two. Everyone says he was an amazing man, that I have his eyes. That’s all I know of him.” Her eyes began to glaze but she forced herself out of her thoughts. “My mother couldn’t keep it together. We were in and out of shelters, surfing from one relative to the next. Some of my youngest memories are of watching cartoons while she shot up in the next room.” Beside her, Carol gasped. She turned to flash her a small smile, a reassurance.

“When I was 8, she gave me up and walked away without looking back. She just… left.” Therese shrugged, looking away to hide the tears. “I found out a few years ago that she died. Overdose. She never tried to contact me, never tried to fix it. She just ripped herself away from me and didn’t care about the hole that she’d made. I spent my teenage years in a daze. I hardly talked; I didn’t have friends. I lived in my head. It wasn’t until Dannie knocked me out of the way of a car that I made a single human connection.” Therese turned to smile softly at Carol, though her eyes were laced with pain.

“My entire life I’ve been scared to get close to people because I’m afraid they’ll leave me, just like my mom. I’m scared they’ll use me for whatever I can do for them and then toss me aside. And yet,” she paused, looking down at their hands again intertwined on the soft grass, “despite all my fear… all I can think of is how I want to be with you. I want to know you, and I want you to know me.” She looked up at Carol, her thumb brushing across the blonde’s knuckles. “I’m scared too; terrified, actually. But I also know that whatever it is that will try to hurt you, try to hurt _us_ ,” she impressed, leaning to press their foreheads together, “I want to fight through it with you.”

A tear dripped onto Therese’s cheek, and she pulled away to gently brush her thumbs across Carol’s face. Carol smiled at her and then broke into a laugh, the sound hiccupping over her tears.

“So is that it then? Are we…”

“Dating?” Therese finished, with a wry smile. “Yes, Professor Ross, I think we are.” And with that, she leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips.

Neither woman heard the soft click of a camera shutter from the trees behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make you all wait a bit longer, but your lovely comments on the last chapter convinced me otherwise. I hope "the talk" met your expectations, because things are about to get bumpy.


	13. Chapter 13

“So it’s official then?”

“Yep. Therese and I are officially dating,” Carol said before she scoffed into the phone, nose wrinkling. “God. I’m 35 and I’m someone’s girlfriend. It feels so weird.” A laugh rang from her phone loud enough for her to momentarily draw it away from her ear. Briefly she worried the people on the sidewalk around her would find her odd, but they continued on their way as usual. She rolled her eyes at her own insecurity before bringing the phone back to her ear.

“You’re so cute. It makes me almost nostalgic,” Abby said, still chuckling. Carol huffed dramatically while pouting her lower lip out. She knew Abby could tell, even through the phone, by the renewed laughter on the other end.

“Just because you and Alex have been married for five years doesn’t mean you get to talk to me like you’re my grandmother,” she retorted to the amusement of her redheaded friend. Carol had called Abby to fill her in on the events of the weekend as she made her way to class. She would’ve called sooner, but after their expedition to the river, Therese had come home with her and, well, neither of them had really had time to make any phone calls. She smiled at the memory, free hand lifting to brush against the mark that lingered just under the collar of her shirt. Her eyelids fluttered as she thought back to the day their eyes first met in the mirror. A soft smile graced her face. _Who knew that would become this?_ And then, another thought came to her. _Who knew I could be this happy?_ She wanted to linger in her daydreams, but Abby’s brassy voice quickly dragged her back to reality.

“Seriously, Carol. I’m really happy for you. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to see you actually smile again. Not just pretend to, but _actually_ smile.” Carol grinned into the phone, but she knew she had to ruin the moment or one of them would start crying – she could already hear the wavering undercurrent in Abby’s voice.

“Jokes on you, I’m actually frowning right now.”

“Shut the fuck up, Ross. You’re grinning like a schoolgirl.” Carol’s belted laugh was cut short when her phone began to vibrate in her hand.

“One sec, Abbs.”

She pulled her phone away from her ear to glance at the caller ID, and her heart froze in her chest. “Okay, what the fuck. Abby, it’s Harge. I’m putting you in on this call – be absolutely silent.” Before Abby could respond, Carol hit the ‘combine calls’ button and pressed her phone to her ear with a shaky hand. “Hello?”

“Carol.” His voice sent a shiver down her spine and a wave of nausea hit her like a brick.

“Harge,” she responded, pleased when her voice maintained its practiced edge. Even though she was quaking like a leaf, her voice managed not to give anything away. There was a pregnant pause as she waited for him to continue; if he was going to bother her, he was going to have to do the work.

“We need to talk,” he said simply, voice cold. She swallowed. “Come see me. Today. After your seminar.” Harge was a man who was used to getting what he wanted, and she knew better than to try to put up a fight about this. Instead, she inhaled through her nose and did her best to maintain her professional air.

“And what is this regarding?”

“We’ll talk later.” And with that he hung up. Carol, who had since arrived at the seminar building, pulled her phone away from her face to stare at it in disbelief. Relieved to see the call with Abby was still active, she put the phone back to her ear.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I don’t know,” Abby said slowly. “But it doesn’t sound good.”

“No. It doesn’t.” Her voice cracked on the last word and she sucked in a breath through her teeth, looking up and blinking furiously to push away the tears that were threatening to spill. She knew there was a possibility of this happening, but she’d hoped maybe she could escape unscathed. Maybe this time, it would be okay. “Abby, what if—”

“Carol,” Abby said, stopping her spiraling in its tracks. “There’s no use panicking about this yet. Get through your class, go talk to Harge, and we will figure it out together. Okay?” Carol nodded. The line was silent for several seconds.

“I’m scared, Abby,” Carol finally whispered, her lower lip quivering. 

“I know, Carol,” Abby said with a trembling voice. “I know.”

***

Class moved at a snail’s pace. Carol’s hands rested limply in her lap the entire time, and though she tried to remain in the conversation, she just didn’t have it in her. Thankfully, Richard had enough material to fill up the entire period – he had chosen the book, after all. Her heart was beating in her chest, hitting so hard it felt as if her ribs were cracking with every pound. Somewhere on the edges of her consciousness she wondered if the rest of the class could her hear breath rasping; but no, no one was even looking at her.

Except for Therese. Her green eyes were boring into her with a heat that filled Carol with… shame? Fear? Love? She didn’t know. Whatever it was, it made her cheeks and throat burn. She avoided her gaze as much as possible. The deep frown on her beautiful face created an ache that seeped through her bones like ice. All she wanted to do was hold her, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know, she wouldn’t understand. _She’s too young_ , Carol thought, staring at the ceiling to ward off the oncoming tears. _How could I even think to burden her with this?_

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, drawing her back to class. Lifting her wrist to check her watch, she noted the time with a grim set to her lips. _10 minutes_. Her fingers gripped her pant leg and she risked a glimpse at Therese; the intense worry in her stare forced her to bite her cheek to muffle the gasp that fought up her throat. She couldn’t take it anymore.

“Sorry everyone,” she said suddenly, urgently – interrupting a long monologue from Richard – as she threw things in her bag. “I’ve got an emergency meeting and will need to end a few minutes early today. Lovely discussion, see you all next time.” And with that, she was up and moving. She felt a brush along her arm, and then her back, before she was out the door and moving down the hall. Had she turned around, she would’ve seen Therese watching her, a hand outstretched and frozen in midair.

The world narrowed to a blurry tunnel as she walked across campus; every breath caught in her throat, ravaged by the anxiety, the fear. She clutched the strap of her bag and forced herself to continue moving forward despite every fiber, every nerve ending of her being _screaming_ at her to run away as fast as humanly possible. She could take Therese and Rindy and go, carve out their own living in a little cabin at the edge of the Vermont woods. Despite the situation, a bitter chuckle broke from her lips. He would find her. He always would.

Sooner than she liked, she stood in front of his office. The heavy oak door loomed in front of her like an omen, the golden plaque adorning its surface glaring at her in the building’s harsh fluorescent lighting. She didn’t realize she’d knocked until a gruff “come in” could be heard, muffled by the thick wood. Carol took a deep breath, rolled her shoulders back, and steeled her gaze. Despite the sheer terror he stirred in her, she would not let him see it. (For a moment, Abby’s jokes about him being a demon who could smell fear came back to her, and she snorted through her nose.) She opened the door and made her way inside, immediately dropping her bag on the ground and settling into one of the chairs in front of his desk.

Harge turned his chair to face her, looking the same as always save for the addition of several new wrinkles. His greying brown hair was slicked back against his scalp; thick eyebrows shadowed dark, piecing eyes. His thin lips were stretched into a smile that dripped poison. She leaned back in her seat and crossed one leg over the other, arching a brow -- a defense mechanism.

“Harge,” she began coolly.

“Carol,” he said, smiling. An image of a wolf baring its fangs flashed through her mind. “How nice of you to come see me.”

“You didn’t exactly leave me any choice,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why am I here?” He clicked his tongue at her.

“You’re always so impatient,” he said, his gaze moving to one of his drawers as he pulled it open and withdrew a manila folder. When she saw it, her heart stopped, her mind flashing back to the last time she’d seen a folder like that over a decade ago. Tears stung the backs of her eyes, but she refused to let them see the light of day. As if he could sense the physical torture he was putting her through, Harge opened the folder slowly and drew out photos one by one, setting them on the desk in front of him. Carol leaned forward to examine them, gasping as she did.

_Therese and her walking through campus, hand in hand_

_Therese and her with their knees touching at the café_

_Therese and her tangled together in the grass in central park_

_Therese and her with her mouth to her hand outside of the library bar_

_Therese and her, sitting on the ledge overlooking the Hudson,_

_kissing_

“Oh god,” she whispered, voice cracking.

“Indeed,” Harge said, delighted. “Sleeping with a student, Carol. That’s serious business.” He tutted at her again and leaned back in his chair, fingertips pressed together. His gaze hardened. “When I _let_ you file for divorce, what did I tell you?” Eyes still on the pictures, her mouth opened but no words would come out. Impatient, he continued for her. “I _told_ you,” he stressed, “that if I ever saw you with another person – man or _woman_ \--,” here, his lip curled in disgust, “that I would take Rindy."

“I still have the photos, Carol.” His voice was a whisper now, and he leaned closer to her, sneering. “Of you and Abby.” Her eyes flitted up to his, wide, and his smile deepened. “They can be at my lawyer’s office within the hour, and you can lose visitation with Rindy within the week.” Her face paled.

“You wouldn’t,” she said, breathless.

“Oh, but I would,” he replied, leaning back in his chair. “I can release them to the press, too. Can’t you just see the headlines, Carol?” His lip twisted up in a snarl while she closed her eyes and attempted to breathe. She was somewhat successful, too, until—“And, oh, poor Therese.” Her eyes flew open, then, and she stared him down.

“What do you mean,” she said, voice hard and flat despite the tremor that threatened to overtake her voice. Something burned in her now – fear, yes, but something else. Rage. Not sensing the change, Harge played nonchalant, turning his gaze to examine his fingernails as he stretched out a hand.

“I sign the diplomas, Carol. It would be a shame if she couldn’t receive hers. Something about plagiarism? Wouldn’t that just be awful? Her career would be over before it even began,” he hissed, grinning. She stood up suddenly and the chair behind her crashed to the ground. Her fists balled at her sides. Quickly, she reached for a photo but Harge caught her wrist in a vice grip, squeezing to the point where she felt her bones creak in agony.

“Fuck you,” she said, ripping her arm away. Her vision blurred with unshed tears as she rubbed her quickly-bruising wrist.

“No, Carol. Fuck you,” he responded, placing his hands flat on his desk despite the now pulsing vein in his forehead. “If you don’t stop this—this _thing_ —I will take Rindy, I will ruin you,” he leaned back now, his face falling dangerously blank, “ _and I will ruin her_.” The tears that she had fought so hard to contain now came free but still she didn’t move. Her fists trembled like the breath in her lungs. Before she could do something that would further endanger her, she spun on a heel, grabbed her bag, and flew out the door, Harge’s call of “You think about that now!” echoing down the hall behind her.

***

How Carol ended up curled in Abby’s arms was a mystery. She vaguely remembered maneuvering through campus, and a quick glance through her phone’s call history would show a series of three calls placed to Abby before she finally picked up. Somewhere in her brain was a memory of sitting numbly in the passenger seat of Abby’s SUV, face barren and eyes sunken as the world continued to move on without her. She had to have walked inside, Abby was strong but not strong enough to carry her. 

Somehow, she’d explained the situation to Abby, her emotions having completely dissociated from the logic center of her brain. It wasn’t until she said her name – _Therese_ – that everything came crashing down. Carol had collapsed into a heap, her hands fisted in her hair, clawing. She rasped for breath, feeling as if she was drowning, unable to reach clarity and calm. Despite the heavy warmth of Abby on her back she continued to sob into the carpet, beating her fists into the floor. Her words were a chorus of “oh god” and “therese” and “I’m so sorry”s as she blubbered, red-faced, her knees and thighs aching from how she was curled but unable to move.

“Carol,” Abby said, a whisper. “You can fight this. Don’t you remember the—”

“No, Abby,” Carol interjected. “I can’t. I can’t… take away her father like that.” Harge may have been an animal of a husband but he was a loving and doting father. Yes, Rindy was old enough to have a say in it, but Harge had his ways of manipulation. Anything he said could be done. Carol knew it, and Abby knew it too. Abby frowned then, pushing Carol’s hair back from her forehead in a soothing gesture.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“What I need to,” she said, her voice cracking. She broke again then, the tears spilling to the point where she couldn’t see straight and the world began to spin. “If not for me,” she croaked, “then for _her_.”

“Don’t you think you should give her a choice in all this?” Abby questioned softly. Carol shook her head furiously, drawing in a wheezing breath.

“I won’t let her sacrifice herself for me, Abby.” Carol’s mouth opened as if she had more to say, but all that emerged was a wail as she pushed her cheek back into the carpet. Abby’s hand smoothed along her spine for god knows how long. So long she felt as if she’d cried every drop of moisture from her body and still the tears came; so long her throat burned like razors from wheezing and sobbing; so long her chest was bruised from the inside; so long her knuckles were bloody; so long her scalp was sore; so long, so long, so long. Slowly, so slowly, she pulled her phone from her pocket and painstakingly dialed the number she had memorized the moment she first saw it. She brought it to her ear as it rang, her breath shuddering in her lungs. Counting the rings, she knew it would go to voicemail. The clock had long passed two in the morning.

When the tone beeped and she heard her voice – _god, her voice. How can I live without that voice?_ – she almost lost it again, but she bit her lip to try to keep it together. At the next beep she started talking. She pushed through the hiccups and the sobs and her long worn away voice. She pushed and pushed and talked and talked until a beep signaling the end interrupted her just before she could say those words she _needed_ to say. Those three words that would let her know that she was coming back for her.

Erupting into a scream, she threw her phone across the room. Abby calmly retrieved it and blocked the number as, across the room, Carol curled into a ball, her heart shattered, her lungs burning. She pressed her face to the carpet and sobbed.

The next morning, Therese awoke to a voicemail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so when I said light angst.... I may have been underestimating what I would eventually write. Whoopsies. 
> 
> P.S. - if you want to humor me, answer this question: how old do y'all think I am?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've adjust the tags of the fic but I'm also going to put this here too: self-harm CW. Nothing too descriptive but it does occur.

When Therese initially saw the notification for a single voicemail, she had smiled. Something had been wrong the day before, that was undeniable, but now Carol was ready to communicate. Her heart swelled as she tapped in her code and held the phone to her ear. The warmth that had slowly been spreading through her body instantly turned to ice when she heard the first word,

_”Therese,”_

Carol’s voice was a whisper, hollow and shattered. She drew in a trembling breath before continuing.

 _“You are so amazing. You are everything that I wanted to be but couldn’t; you are honest and warm and brave. The first time I laid eyes on you in that bar, I knew I had to have you.”_ Here she stops. It sounds almost as if she had pulled her mouth away to muffle a choked sob. Then, her voice comes back, wavering. _“You’re so young, Therese. And there’s so much about me that you don’t know, that I can’t tell you. I have so much baggage. I should’ve thought before I started this, before I dragged you into this--….I should have known that this would happen. I should have known we wouldn’t be safe. God, Therese, I’m so sorry.”_ She repeated those last few words in a wheeze and Therese heard a muffled thump. It was at that moment that Carol had sunk limply back to the floor while she was recording the message.

_“We can’t keep doing this. I know you don’t understand, you can’t right now. But someday you will, and you’ll move on, and you’ll meet someone your own age and be happy and—”_ Her voice cut off. Therese heard a whine that wrapped itself around her heart and constricted it. She couldn’t breathe. _“Obviously, if you don’t want to keep coming to class, I understand. I’ll still pass you. You’re so talented, my young writer. You need to share yourself with the world and if you stay with me that will never happen. Please try to understand, I’m doing what is best for you. I need to release you. I hope you know that these last few weeks have been the best of my life. You have made me so…so immeasurably happy. And I will never forget you. But we’re not safe right now, and I can’t let you get hurt. I need to let you go. I’m so sorry. Therese, I—”_

The line cut off there with a mechanical beep, announcing the time limit on her voicemail. Therese lay unmoving in bed, eyes wide. Slowly, she lifted a hand to replay the voicemail. She listened to it over and over again, praying that each time she clicked on it, it would change, that it would have been a joke or a dream or a hallucination. Tears began to well in her eyes and it was then that the eye of the storm passed. The paralyzing shock that had momentarily gripped her faded, and all she felt was panic. Her breath came in sharp gasps that felt like broken ribs and her eyes burned with tears.

She frantically pulled up Carol’s contact on her phone and dialed – each time she called she was sent straight to voicemail. Cursing, Therese lurched out of bed and threw on the first clothes she could find. Then, she ran out the door, wiping her face furiously with her forearm as she went. She jogged down the road, chest heaving. If she found her she could talk to her, could convince her to stay, to not do this, to change her mind, to—something. Her heart raced in her chest. She had to do something. There was no way she was going to let her go, not like this. Not now. Not after she had spent the past weeks fighting her fears of commitment and abandonment, not after she’d come to terms with the fact that she had fallen in love with her. Not after she had realized that there was no one else she wanted to spend her time with, reading books and grocery shopping and sleeping and playing shitty board games, than _Carol._

Despite the heavy throngs of students surrounding her, Therese didn’t pause to look around until she found herself in front of Carol’s office. Her legs ached from the distance and she stared at the door with a faraway look in her eyes. The last time she had been here, the door had swung open before she could even knock, and she’d found herself locked in a passionate embrace. This time, the door remained unmoving and silent. With trembling hands, she reached out to grab the door handle – the dull thud of the lock rang heavy in her ears and forced her breath from her lungs. The tears came again and she crouched down, pressing her fists firmly to her eyes to stop their flow.

 _This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening,_ she repeated to herself. _How could this possibly be happening?_ It had been just the other day that the two had declared their feelings for one another, had finally solidified what had been developing between them. Therese had been _so_ happy; she’d finally found someone to trust, someone to give her thoughts and feelings to and know that they would be kept safe. She’d finally found someone she wanted to wake up to every day and fall asleep to every night. Wheezing through her teeth, she pressed her forehead to the cold wood of the office door. It made no sense but whatever was going on, she wasn’t going to take it lying down.

She stood up and was once again on the move. Down the stairs, through the hall, out the building – she was drifting. Her mind was lost but her body knew what needed to be done. Therese didn’t realize where she was going until she heard herself speaking to the driver of the taxi she had just gotten into. Terror struck her; her limbs went numb and her fingertips felt like ice. As the taxi crawled along, she weighed the possible outcomes – what is she was home? What if she refused to open the door? _God_ , what if she opened the door and turned her away to her face. What if she had to look into those eyes and find nothing but rejection. Her teeth sank into her lower lip to muffle the cry that threatened to burst out.

When the taxi crawled to a stop, she handed him the money and made her way out of the car. An eerie calm came over her, and she made her way slowly and precisely up the stairs. It felt as if there was a haze between herself and the world, as if someone had put a sheet of frosted glass in front of her eyes and then sent her on her way. She was here and simultaneously not-here. Her body worked of its own accord, making her walk up stair after stair after stair. Finally, she stood in front of the door – _her_ door – where she had spent the past several days luxuriating in the warmth of their embrace. Her hands trembled at her sides, but she forced one to clench into a fist and lifted it to knock; the sound was hollow. There was no creak of wood, no muffled footsteps.

Therese knocked again, more insistent. Tears she didn’t know were there began to spill as she was again met with a resounding silence. She pressed her forehead to the door and her shoulders began to shake. She wanted to move, to go, to _find her_ , but she couldn’t. The sobs wracked her body and rendered her absolutely useless, unable to move or breathe or think or _do_. Despite the futility of it, her fists beat the door once again; maybe if she hit loud enough, hit hard enough, Carol would change her mind and come back to her. Maybe if she cried hard enough, she would know and come back. Maybe if--, maybe…

She straightened suddenly and the tears stopped is if a valve had been shut. Therese was not a woman unfamiliar with trauma and with abandonment, and she – or rather, her body – had learned from a young age to shut down at the signs of overwhelming distress. A blank expression settled over her face while her forearm dragged across her lips and cheeks, wiping the tears off with a level of detachment onlookers would have found concerning. She brushed her fingertips over the surface of the door one more time before turning and walking away.

Therese moved through the world like a robot, eyes unseeing. Her thoughts ran from everything to nothing all at once, never latching onto a concrete idea but rather lingering on the edges of whatever dashed across her brain before it faded into the white noise. Distantly, she heard a bell similar to the ones used in small convenience stores. She heard the tap of her footsteps on tile, felt a cool glass bottle in her hand. Murmured conversation drifted in her ears, but she absorbed none of it. A bag was in her hands – crinkly, brown. Paper? She wasn’t sure.

The honking of horns played at her awareness with the softness of butterfly wings, the sharp halt of the taxi she found herself in jerking her body forward. Despite the surprise of the motion, her face remained expressionless. The only indication that she was at all rattled was the slight tightening of her hand on the bag in her lap. The taxi rumbled to a stop moments later and she stepped out, staring blankly at the door in front of her. Movements stiff, she made her way inside, shutting the door behind her quietly.

***

When Dannie opened the door that evening, he stopped short. Something about the apartment felt off, as if the energy had been disturbed. While Therese would roll her eyes at a statement like that, Dannie always found he was able to read a room better with his eyes closed than open. He was just more intuitive, the two had concluded. He shut the door softly, frowning as he scanned the main room for signs of his roommate. It was then that he heard distant banging from the direction of Therese’s room, the shocking sound crashing glass. As he stalked toward the room with a furrowed brow, a beer can crunched under his foot. He ignored it and pressed forward, walking more urgently.

“Therese?” he called. He was answered with another crash, a muffled yell. Her door was ajar and when he glimpsed in her saw clothes scattered everywhere, her dresser completely open and emptied. A bottle of vodka lay forgotten on the ground, completely drained. When he glanced around the walls he quickly figured out where the shattering glass had come from – lighter blotches of paint patchworked her walls where awards and photos had once hung. He pushed the door open and stepped inside, his boot crunching on the glass.

“Therese?” he said again, voice trembling. He’d known her long enough to know her responses to trauma. He’d been there through broken friendships, failed classes, and even the loss of her mother. Therese became a robot, shut down, withdrew into herself. She became quiet and pensive. But this…this was something completely foreign. Her room was trashed, and she was hiding among the wreckage, perched in the corner, her knees drawn to her chest. Dannie gasped when he saw her, saw the blood weaving webs down her arms and the glass clutched in her unsteady palm.

What shocked him most, though, was the look on her face: she was broken. Her mouth was in a grimace, teeth clenched to withhold the sobs that threatened to burst through. Tears spilled down her cheeks and mixed with mucous and spit from the time she’d spent open mouth crying into the floor. Her cheeks were dotted with pinpricks of red, spots where glass had rebounded and caught her. She hadn’t bothered to wipe away the blood despite the stinging salt each new wave of tears brought. Her eyes were red, blurry, and completely devoid of life; she saw him and looked straight through him. She didn’t even seem to register his presence as she lifted the glass shard toward her mangled skin, another sob bursting through her chapped lips.

This kicked Dannie out of his shocked stupor, and he rushed forward, body colliding with Therese’s in a way that was reminiscent of their first encounter. He wrapped his arms around her body and gripped her wrists, shaking Therese’s hand with his until she was forced to drop the glass. “Therese! Stop!” he shouted, tightening his hold. She struggled against him, throwing her weight forward toward the ground.

“Let me go let me go let me go,” she screamed, starting quietly and building until the words came from deep within her. “I can’t do this I can’t do it I can’t do this anymore,” the words tumbled from her lips in between sobs, without thought for punctuation or grammar. She struggled against him once again, but Dannie grunted, tightening his arms around her. Yelling again, she threw herself back against him and then, as suddenly as she had started, she stopped. Therese fell limp against him and the two sank down to the floor, her back pressed against his chest, his arms wound around her midsection. He stretched his legs out and took hers with him as she sobbed against his chest.

Slowly his hands released from around her, hovering slightly nearby in case she started up again.

“Therese,” he began softly, “talk to me.” In response, she fumbled for her phone which had been on the ground next to her, the screen still lit up on her voicemail page. If Dannie had come home only a moment earlier he would’ve heard the voicemail, repeating itself for the thousandth time that evening because it was all she had of _her –_ Therese had realized earlier with a sob that she had no other snippets of her voice, so she’d played this on repeat even though hitting play each time ripped her heart out anew. She handed him the phone, and as he pressed play on the message she collapsed into his chest, utterly spent. The two sat in silence long after the voicemail ended, Dannie gently running one hand across the top of Therese’s head while the other continued to grip her midsection. Tears soaked into the chest of his shirt as she buried her face there. If it hadn’t been so quiet in the room, he might not have heard when Therese finally spoke.

“Why does everyone leave me?” she whispered, voice hoarse. Dannie briefly wondered how long she had been here by herself. How long had she been trying to push this down? His arm tightened around her and he leaned forward to press a kiss into her hair, brotherly and protective.

“I’m still here, Ther. I’ve got you,” he said quietly. Therese didn’t respond, instead nudging her face further into his shirt. “I’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys. It'll get better at some point, I promise.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some minor time jumps in this and the next few chapters, be warned.

Carol moved through the crowd with an air of detachment. The casual bystander would see the pulled back shoulders, the neutral face, the eyes hidden behind sunglasses, and assume she was a woman of ego, self-assured enough that she managed to be alone even when surrounded by people. While that was true on her better days, that was not the case today. In truth, she wore the sunglasses to hide her red-rimmed eyes. She held her shoulders back because if she didn’t, she would curl into herself and collapse like a dying star. Her lips were drawn into a thin line only because she sank her teeth into their inner edges, using the pain there to distract herself from the pain in her mind.

It had been three days, five hours, and twenty-six minutes since she had last spoken to Therese. She glanced at her watch. _Twenty-seven_. Each moment felt like agony, like each passing second tore something from her. Absently she wondered when she would be torn apart completely and remain nothing but a shell. Her jaw tightened as she worried the skin of her lip between her upper and lower canines. _Or perhaps a puppet for his sick games_. She sighed, hands fisted in her pockets.

Two classes had come and come and gone since she left that voicemail. Though each class had only been missing one student, the loss felt monumental to Carol. Discussion continued as normal and she did her best to remain focused, but she didn’t quite have it in her. She would follow the conversation with her eyes, but her mind would be elsewhere, wondering how she was, if she was okay, what she was doing. Sometimes she would let herself wonder if, perhaps, Therese hated her. Every time she quickly had to abandon that train of thought because she found herself unable to breathe, the pressure of the tears on her eyes too much to withstand.

Yes, Carol was functional. She could go about her day, converse with her colleagues, pay her bills, eat her meals, and even talk to her daughter. She could do whatever she needed to do because that is what she has always done – survived. But was she happy? No. Of course not. But another pressing question had begun to linger at the edges of her thoughts. Was she even living? A hand drifted up to absently twirl a strand of hair around her finger before she jerked it down, having thought for a moment it was Therese’s hair she was stroking. She sighed through her nose as she sank into the backseat of a taxi, crossed her legs, and looked over to the depressingly empty seat next to her. Her hand slid across the surface, reaching for something – _someone ­_ – she could not touch.

No, she realized. She wasn’t living. She could only hope that Therese was.

***

The neon red numbers screamed at her squinting eyes. _Three days, five hours, and twenty-eight minutes_. Therese glared at the clock, cursing its mocking flashing. The numbers danced in front of her and she turned away, pressing her face into her pillow. The blankets were crumpled and twisted around her, contorted like she was in her misery. Her hair hung limp, unkempt, and she squirmed out of her tank top to throw it across the room. It was too constricting, too old. It smelled of sadness and she needed the scent away from her as fast as possible.

The glass that had littered her floor was now swept, vacuumed, and neatly tossed out thanks to Dannie. Therese had curled in the corner, watching him move with blank eyes. She was looking, but not seeing. Everything that went in just sat there, unabsorbed, until the images were eventually pushed out to make room for the next set of images to be forgotten. In fact, if she had to admit it, Therese wasn’t fully sure how she ended up in her bed. Her arms were neatly wrapped in gauze, and a glass of water sat untouched on her nightstand. Though he left her alone, she could still feel Dannie’s presence hovering in the doorway every few hours. Was he checking to make sure she was still breathing?

Therese stretched herself out in the bed, eyes blankly scanning the speckled surface of her ceiling. Somewhere within her she was able to acknowledge that she owed Dannie an apology; it wasn’t his job to deal with that, but he was unlucky enough to walk in. And he’d taken care of her in her weakest moment. He didn’t ask questions, didn’t force her to do what she couldn’t. He’d simply wrapped her up and tucked her away, watering and sunning her like a stubborn seed that refused to grow.

If she were present in her body, she would have sighed then. But in the past few days, something had happened. She had disconnected completely. That veil that came over her as she approached Carol’s apartment had lifted only briefly during her _incident_ , as she’d decided to call it, before descending again with unwavering strength. When she moved it felt as if there was a delay between her thoughts and her actions, and it took her longer than usual to process the things she was seeing or thinking – except for one. She knew to the moment how long it had been since she’d spoken to Carol. Since she’d run her thumbs across her cheekbones, felt her lips brush the tip of her nose, seen that radiant smile.

 _Three days, five hours, and thirty-three minutes_. _God, would everything always feel this slow?_ It gave her plenty of time to decide what she would do for the rest of her life. Three days, five hours, and thirty—she glanced again—four minutes ago, she had been certain she’d spend her days by Carol’s side. Whatever they had to encounter they would fight through. She would wake up every morning to her blue eyes and smile. But now? She was hopelessly lost.

Her stomach rumbled, but she shoved the sensation behind the veil. Eating felt like too much effort.

***

 _Three weeks, two days, fifteen hours, and forty-five minutes._ Carol stared wearily at her calendar, bloodshot eyes unseeing. Her blazer lay abandoned on the ground and she slumped in her desk chair, forehead coming to rest heavily on the table with little regard for her well-being. One hand came up to pull at the buttons on her collar, loosening it so that she could breathe slightly easier. This day had been a difficult one.

People, lots of people, but not the one she wanted to see. She’d spent hours watching individuals adorned in robes and tassels march proudly across the stage and grasp that coveted piece of paper. Carol held her breath before every name was called, only to release it each time she didn’t hear _her_ name. The longer it had gone on, the more her throat stung, the more her eyes ached. When Harge – _fucking Harge_ – had begun his closing remarks, she had slipped out silently.

She was unsure of what she was hoping for – just a glimpse? A brief look at that smile that still made her heart swell despite the distance and the uncrossable separation? Maybe she wanted to see that Therese was doing well, was at least _okay_ without her. Maybe she wanted to see that she was better off without her. Because that, as much as it pained Carol to consider, would be best.

A brief knock on the door startled her, and she straightened up in her seat,

“Come in.” Abby inched open the door and poked her head inside. Carol’s lips twitched as she tried to smile but couldn’t quite bring the action to fruition. Abby looked back to speak to Rindy – she had been watching the girl so Carol could attend the graduation – before she stepped into the room completely and shut the door behind her. She leaned back on it and crossed her arms across her chest, her face a mixture of concern and frustration.

“You look like shit.” Normally Carol would have laughed, but today all she could bring herself to do was nod, her eyes locked on the wooden paneling of the floor. Abby decided to drop the pretense. “How long do you think you can keep this up?” she sighed. Carol looked up then, a glimmer of confusion in her eyes.

“Keep what up?”

“This,” Abby said, waving her hand. “This pathetic excuse of a life.” Carol shrugged with one shoulder, looking away and to the clock. _Fifty-three minutes_. “Carol,” Abby barked, drawing the woman’s tired gaze once again. “How long have I known you?” Carol brought a hand up to rub her forehead with her fingertips, attempting to push the number she’d clung to – _fifty-four minutes­_ – away so she could think.

“Twenty-five years?” she said, hand coming back down to hang limply in her lap.

“Around there,” Abby replied, nodding. “I’ve seen you through a lot of things. Your first break-up, when your father found out you were gay, the first time Harge—”

“What point are you trying to make, Abby?” Carol interrupted, eyes closed against the unwelcome images her words were creating.

“The point I’m trying to make, Carol, is that I’ve never seen you like this,” Abby said softly. “I’ve seen you sad, I’ve seen you angry, I’ve seen you humiliated. But I have never seen you so defeated.” Carol turned her head away, frowning.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” she said dismissively. Abby rolled her eyes.

“Don’t lie to me Carol, I can see right through your bullshit. And you know what? Rindy can too. So can your students. We can all see it. As much as you try to hide it and pretend that you’re okay, you’re not. You’re a mess. Do you know what Rindy said to me today?” Carol looked sharply at her then, pressing her lips together to stop them from quivering. Abby continued, “She asked me what happened that made you feel so sad. She said you hadn’t smiled all week, and that your words felt empty. She said that she _misses_ you, Carol.”

At those words, Carol’s teeth sank into her lower lip.

“There’s nothing I can do, Abby,” she rasped. She closed her eyes to try to ward off the looming burning sensation that had become all-too familiar these past few weeks.

“There is everything you can do, Carol,” Abby said, closing the distance between them. “What you’re doing now is saving no one, not even her.” Her hand lifted to brush off a tear that Carol didn’t know she’d shed.

“I can’t,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I can’t do it to them.” Abby ran her hand through Carol’s hair and pushed it back from her face before sighing and standing. She made her way back to the door before turning once more.

“Please,” she said quietly. “Just think about it.” With that, she opened the door and stepped out. Faintly, she could hear Abby say, “Alright Rinds, Mom said pizza was a-go!” before the door creaked closed behind her. Carol spun her chair around to her desk once more and pressed her cheeks into her fists, shoulders shaking in silent sobs. Before she closed her eyes, she caught a glimpse of the clock.

 _Three weeks, two days, and sixteen hours_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're still in the sads guys, i'm sorry. i promise it'll get better but i gotta drag out the angst first.


	16. Chapter 16

_One week, one day, twelve hours, and twenty-two minutes._ Therese exhaled through her nose as she stared at the clock shining overtop of the stove. She sat at the kitchen table, fork pushing the food around on her plate because she couldn’t quite bring herself to eat it. Her arms itched under the gauze, her eyes hurt from the light, and all she wanted to do was crawl back into her bed. Dannie, on the other hand, had dragged her out from under her covers by her ankles with threats of tickling if she didn’t come eat something. Despite the humor in his tone, she knew he was worried about her. It was that more than anything else that drove her to finally relent and come into the kitchen to sit and eat.

Dannie sat across from her, legs stretched out in front of him with his heels dug into the ground. His arms were draped across the back of the chair and his fingers were tapping out anxious rhythms on the wood. He watched her intently, his teeth worrying his lips into a frown. When she looked up and caught his concerned gaze, she sighed and forced herself to take a bite. Dannie was a good cook – she remembered countless evenings where she would beg him to cook dinner with the promise of wine and his choice of movie – but right now all she could taste was cardboard. She chewed with effort before picking up another small bite; from his seat, Dannie exhaled with relief and finally looked away.

“I’m worried about you, Ther,” he said, breaking the silence. Therese simply shrugged in response, not meeting his gaze. “You’re not eating, you’re not going to work, you’re not even talking. I’ve seen you go through a lot, but I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I know,” she said before sighing and setting down her fork with a soft _clink_. “I’m worried about me too. Everything just feels like too much, you know?” He nodded softly, staying quiet to give her room to continue. “Eating makes me feel sick, when I hear music I think about what _she’d_ think about the songs, and all I can think to talk about is her. I’m so stuck, and lost, and hurt, and—” she cut herself off, looking away to ward off the tears that threatened to spill. Seeing her blinking furiously, he reached across the table to place his hand over hers.

“I get it, Ther. What happened was awful, and you didn’t deserve it. But you can’t just keep wallowing in it, you know? You need to try to move on.” Therese shook her head.

“How am I supposed to do that when I have nothing to move on to?”

***

 _Two weeks, three days, eighteen hours, and six minutes._ Therese forced herself to look away from the clock, instead bringing up the toast she’d made to take a bite. She’d called her manager earlier that day to let her know she was ready to come back to work, and did she have any shifts available? Thankfully, there had been one open that evening. So, Therese had dragged herself into the shower and scrubbed the sorrow from her skin – or tried to, at least.

Everything still hurt and the whole world still had that distinct blur to it, but things were becoming doable again. She still saw Carol in every song, every word, every sunny day and drop of rain, but the sight no longer reduced her to a dysfunctional heap. Her heart ached with each passing moment, but she could power through until the nights, where she could let the floodgates open and cry herself to sleep just to begin the day again.

Dannie was happy, at least. He’d been hounding her for weeks to _eat this, drink that, take a shower, have you thought about working again?_ and while it had been annoying, she had appreciated his concern. When he came into the kitchen and saw her fully dressed, an attempt at a meal in her hands, he had beamed at her and reached out to ruffle her hair with that brotherly air of his. She’d given him a small smile back before swatting playfully at his hand.

Things were getting back to normal, on the outside at least. Neither of them talked about _her_ , because somewhere inside both of them knew that saying her name would make it real again, and neither of them knew how Therese would react to that. So, they both danced around the subject, occasionally alluding to it but more often than not outright ignoring it. The incident had been left in the past the moment Therese was able to discard the bandages; she would have to wear long sleeves for a few months, but at least the angry red lines no longer screamed up at her when she got undressed for bed.

Glancing at the clock again – _twenty-four minutes_ – Therese sighed and hauled the strap of her bag over her shoulder. She gave Dannie a farewell pat on the back before making her way to the door. As she opened it to step outside, her autopilot took over and she sank back into her mind to think about the things she couldn’t say aloud. Yes, things were getting back to normal. But she was nowhere near ready to move on.

***

 _Three weeks, two days, fifteen hours, and forty-five minutes._ Therese stared wearily at the calendar. She wondered if Carol had gone to the graduation.

***

 _Four weeks, six days, twenty hours, and eleven minutes_. Therese was scrolling through her phone while absently eating her dinner. The past few weeks had been calmer, and she and Dannie had found an uneasy peace together. Words unspoken continued to hover in the air, lending a slight charge to each pregnant pause in their conversations, but they had both concluded independently that some things were best left unsaid.

The days moved slowly for Therese, but she had gone from thinking about Carol every second to every moment to every hour to just a few times a day. The blonde still lingered in her dreams every night. It was easier for Therese to eat and take care of herself, and she could listen to some songs now without wanting to burst into tears. Billie Holiday was on her list of _do not plays_ at the shop, a firm rule. One of her songs had come on once; Therese burst into the office, shocking the new employee who was running the track, and turned off the tune before she went to the bathroom and hid in one of the stalls, clenching her jacket in her teeth to muffle the cries.

A manila folder dropped onto the table in front of her, jolting her out of her thoughts. Dannie was scanning through the rest of the mail as he plopped himself in the seat across from her.

“That came for you today. From NYU.” Therese silently picked up the envelope and opened it. What slid out was a sleek black book embossed with the NYU logo. When she opened it, there was her diploma, pristine and crisp. Her breath suddenly burned in her throat and she stood abruptly; clutching the paper in her hand, she walked stiffly into her room. She shut the door behind her as calmly as possible before fumbling her fingers over the top of the dresser, her eyes locked on the diploma in her hand.

Finally, she found what she was looking for. Clutched in her fist was a lighter; she flicked it open and stared into the small flame that danced from the top of the lighter. Her hand trembled as she brought the flame closer to the diploma, but just as the flame began to lick at the corner, she pulled it away, exhaling. Eyes welling with tears, she dropped both items to the ground and pressed her fists against her eyes.

Behind her eyelids, an image slowly took form. Not an image, no -- a memory. Soft skin and stolen kisses, sun creeping in through the blinds. Two firm fingers gripping her chin, and Carol’s insistent voice:

 _Your words need to be read_.

Therese exhaled then and dropped her hands from her face. It was then that she knew what she would do, how she could move forward. She made her way to the desk that pressed against the back wall of her room, sat down, and pulled open her laptop. Then, she cracked her knuckles and began to type.

***

 _Five weeks, one day, five hours, and two minutes_.

Therese watched as page after page came out of the printer. When the whirring of the machine died down, she grabbed the papers and slid them – along with a note that she had written in the privacy of her room – into a large envelope. Sealing it, she wrote down the address she had committed to memory many weeks ago. Then, she went downstairs to the mailbox and, with a shaky breath, slid the envelope in. She heard it land with a dull thud.

As she turned and walked back to her apartment, a small smile spread across her lips. _Well,_ she thought. _That’s that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter, i know, but I promise we are getting there.


	17. Chapter 17

_Five weeks, six days, seventeen hours, and fifty-eight minutes_

Carol sat at her desk, the envelope clutched in shaking fists. It had arrived around dinner time – or, at least, when most people would eat dinner. Carol hadn’t been eating much, and was instead nursing a glass of rye and mindlessly staring at her TV when she heard the thump of the envelope against her door. Finishing the glass and wheezing through her teeth, she hauled herself to her feet and shuffled to open the door.

Her heart stopped when she first saw the envelope; it returned to boom in her ears when she saw the looping script across the front of it. She knew that handwriting anywhere, had spent secret moments running her fingers over whatever scraps of it she still had from their class. Bending to pick up the envelope, she hefted it between two hands, brow furrowed at its weight. She looked up and down the hall once – as if _she_ might be there – before withdrawing into her apartment and closing the door.

As much as she wanted to rip open the package immediately to see what was in it, she set it gently on the table, as if it were glass that may shatter, a dream that may evaporate when handled too roughly. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she reached for the rye and began to pour another hefty glass, cursing when her hand wobbled. Bottle in one hand and glass in the other, she settled herself gently at the table to stare at the envelope.

Her fingers itched with the need to read it but her heart screamed at her to stop. It would hurt too much, would be too much pain. This was her way of moving on and she had to honor it, but right now she wasn’t ready to do that. Tilting the glass to her lips, Carol savored the burn of the liquor to fight back against the burn in her eyes. She set the glass down with a sharp noise, fingers splaying across the wooden surface and tapping out irregular, anxious beats.

 _What would Therese think of me now?_ She wondered, catching her lip between her teeth. Her eyes drifted to the package again. Even if she could do anything, would it even make a difference? She wasn’t the same woman Therese had fallen...—had come to know. Carol sighed, raising her hand to skim across her collarbones, which stuck out more than they had previously. She’d spent time in front of the mirror recently, poking and prodding. She’d noted her sunken eyes, rimmed with darkness despite the fact that she spent the majority of her time sleeping. She’d seen the way her clothes hung off of her now instead of fitting the way they should; seen the way her bones now stuck out, making her angular in a way that was more worrying than appealing. But most of all, she’d seen her gaze: it had been empty. Icy eyes that once twinkled with mirth and looked upon the world with a hesitant optimism now viewed their surroundings through a haze, distant and weary.

Briefly, Carol considered calling Abby; she’d been her lifeline for the past several weeks. She’d woken up from a drunken stupor several times to find Abby poised over her, one hand on her hip, scowling as she shoved water and food into Carol’s face. It was Abby who forced her to shower, who forced her to sit in the sun on a nice day, who tagged along on outings with Rindy so Carol didn’t have to try to carry the conversations. But she could see her friend slowly beginning to wear thin with worry, could see the fear behind the warmth in her eyes. Carol sighed through her nose and shook her head in response to her own thoughts. Abby wanted her to move on, she’d tell her not to read whatever was in that envelope, and Carol knew that that was the one thing she couldn’t do.

Downing the rest of the rye in one swallow, she slammed the glass on the table and grabbed the envelope before she could back down again. Her fingers trembled as she slowly peeled back the seal, a soft whimper bubbling from her throat when she saw the stack of papers that lie within. Slowly pulling out the bundle with an air of reverence – as if it were a holy document – she set the envelope aside and gazed down at the papers in her hands. It was a manuscript, that much she knew to be true, but there was another paper on top. Shifting that aside for the moment, she trailed her fingertips across the script on the first page. Large, elegant letters adorned the page: _Losing Her_ , by Therese Belivet. Lips quivering, she whispered it to herself several times, voice low and raspy.

Her fingers caught on the extra paper, dragging her gaze over. There was that handwriting again; her heart raced. Setting down the manuscript, Carol picked up the letter with trembling hands and leaned back to read.

_Carol,_

_The morning after our first date, you looked in my eyes and told me that my words needed to be read. When calling you, and texting you, and trying to find you didn’t work, I finally realized that this is how I would get through to you. You called me your young writer; please do me the honor this one last time of being my treasured audience._

_That night by the river, I opened myself up to you in a way that I had never been able to before; and, to be frank, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it again. But it felt right, like you were the person I could trust with that knowledge… with me._

A tear splashed onto the page and Carol hastily wiped it away with her sleeve. She ran her hand across her face and took a deep breath before continuing to read.

_I guess I don’t know how you’re doing now, but if you felt the way about me that I feel about you, then I bet you’re miserable. I know I am. Everything reminds me of you. It’s gotten easier to function but I still don’t feel the same, and I realized it’s because I gave a part of myself to you that day. I gave you the part that trusts, that smiles, that laughs, that lives… that_ loves _. I don’t know how you feel about me, Carol. Maybe I never will. But I need you to know that I love you. I fell in love with you in that café, watching you watch me when you thought I wasn’t looking. I fell in love with you in the park when your hair spread out across the grass like a halo and I forgot how to breathe. I fell in love with you in that bar when you saved me from that woman._

_When you took me to that ledge and told me about your marriage, your fears and your worries, I could feel that you loved me too. I never knew what it felt like before I met you, but I could see it in your eyes, could feel it in the way you held my hand and the way your lips moved on mine. I wanted to hold my breath and take the jump into whatever may come before us, because I knew that as long as you were with me, it was what I wanted._

At this, Carol’s fingertips brushed lightly across her own quivering lips. She gasped and closed her eyes at the sensation, willing herself to keep it together enough to finish the letter. It was several moments before she could see clearly enough to make out the words.

_I meant what I said that day, Carol. Whatever is happening – whatever_ happened – _I want to fight through it with you. As much as you hurt me that day, when you begged me to forget you and move on, I still want to fight through it with you. There is no one except for you, Carol. And there is no one for you except me._

_I will always fight for you. I love you. Please, let yourself be loved the way you deserve._

_I’ll be waiting,_

_Therese._

Carol read the letter over and over again, tears streaming down her face and pockmarking the surface of the paper. She didn’t stop reading until the words were burned into her brain and she was sniffling and wheezing with the extent of her sobs. Then, she read the manuscript with urgency. Every so often she would have to set it down to wipe the tears from her eyes or bite her fist to muffle a cry, but she would inevitably continue. It was beautiful, of course. Better even than the one she had read previously, because this one was drowning in sorrow, and sorrow made the best reading.

When she finished the manuscript, she picked up the letter once more. Bringing the paper to her lips, she kissed the spot where Therese had signed her name before standing, phone clutched in her other hand. She dialed as she leaned against a window, thumb tenderly tracing where she had just kissed.

The line clicked alive.

“Abby? It’s me. Get the photos and come over.”

***

The two women sat opposite each other at the table, photographs littering the table in front of them. Carol had been delicately sorting through them, face carefully blank. She examined one: a front-facing portrait of herself, a deep purple bruise blooming over her nose, with blood crusted dry on her upper lip. She set that down and picked up another: a series of horizonal lines razed across her back, red and swollen. Sometimes she still felt the burn of the knife as he slashed at her. The other photos were similar: a cut here, a bruise there, an occasional bite mark. Carol pushed away a photo of a particularly gruesome black eye and swallowed the bile that had been rising in her throat. Abby caught her eye, looking similarly sick.

“So,” Abby began slowly. She furrowed her brow as if searching for words before finally just gesturing to the photos with a wave of her hand. “Why?” Carol tapped her nails nervously on the wood of the table, a new nervous habit acquired and adapted from Therese. The thought twitched the corner of her lip before she recovered the mood of the room.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she answered, voice quiet. Abby nodded solemnly, eyes dropping to the half empty bottle of rye before moving back to Carol.

“I know,” Abby said, voice hard. Carol almost flinched but knew that the severity of her tone was deserved. She hadn’t been taking care of herself, and Abby was both worried and outraged. “What made you change your mind?” Abby asked, interrupting Carol’s thoughts. Carol leaned to pick up the envelope from the chair she’d set it on and slid it across the table to Abby.

“I still love her. And she,” Carol said, gesturing to the letter Abby was now glancing at, “still loves me. Even after everything I’ve done, she still wants to fight for me.” Carol looked to the side and pressed trembling fingers to her lips as the tears threatened to burst forth. She took a moment to calm before clearing her throat and continuing. “I think it’s finally time for me to start fighting too. Fighting him.”

Abby’s face paled in response.

“But he’ll—and Rindy will—”

“Yes,” Carol interrupted, nodding. “I know.” Abby chewed her lip as both women sat in silence, Carol’s fingers absently playing with the edge of a photo. She inhaled before she spoke again. “I don’t want to take her father away, but she’s old enough to know the truth. She’s old enough now that I can truly be myself with her and be honest with her.” Abby tilted her head at that, brow furrowed.

“You’re going to tell her about it? All of it?”

“All of it,” Carol responded, resolutely. “About the abuse, the manipulation, Therese. If after hearing all that, she doesn’t want me to release the photos,” Carol’s fingers drummed on the table as she paused, “then I won’t. This has all been for her, and she doesn’t even know.” Abby sat still, absorbing the information. Carol’s eyes were glued to the ceiling, uncrossed leg jiggling.

“How can I help?” Abby finally said, startling Carol. Both women smiled at each other then, Abby at Carol jumping, but Carol at Abby’s implicit approval of her plan. The blonde reached across to grip her friend’s hand.

“Get the photos copied and ready to send. Dig up all the old voicemails and audio recordings I sent you too. We need everything ready to send. To my lawyers, his lawyers, the police, and the media. If we’re going to do this, we need to hit hard and fast.” Abby nodded as Carol paused for breath. “I’ll talk to Rindy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! I'm here!! Life is crazy right now and some plot changes I made to this story were stressing me out, so I procrastinated. But I'm over that for now, so that means you all get another chapter :) I'm SO excited to be where we are now, it's all been leading up to this. get hype.


	18. Chapter 18

Carol prided herself on her fierce independence, intellect, and determination. No matter what happened, those were aspects of herself she had always been resolutely proud of. So, when she looked down at that pregnancy test and two lines stared back up at her, something hot blossomed in her chest. The pounding of her heart screamed fear, but deeper down she resolved that she would pass on the good parts of herself to her child. She had been a successful student and author, and was set on being a successful mother, too.

Now, settled on the couch in front of her daughter, she wondered if she had lived up to the goals she made thirteen years ago. Yes, Rindy was in almost every way a spitting image of her – wild blonde curls framing two pale blue eyes which burned with a ferocity Carol could only remember once possessing. The girl moved with a self-assurance beyond her years, and she could read anyone like a book – a skill Carol wielded with pride. But she was also her father’s daughter – hot-headed and ambitious. They were admirable qualities, sure, but Carol sometimes found herself wondering if she had done enough to protect her daughter from her father’s more toxic traits.

Carol’s leg began to bounce, the toe of her foot pressed firmly into the carpet. She wound her fingers around themselves before chuckling bitterly – how could she ever think she would be able to move on completely from Therese when the woman was so deeply ingrained in her? Rindy was perched on the edge of the second couch, the small table between them covered in overturned photos. The two had been sitting in silence for several moments, Rindy with arms crossed and gaze unflinching; Carol was unable to meet her eyes, instead fidgeting anxiously and looking anywhere but at her kin.

Finally, Rindy sighed and dropped her hands to her lap.

“Mom? What’s going on?” she said, leaning forward slightly in an attempt to catch Carol’s gaze. She allowed her eyes to be seen briefly before looking away again.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about. I’m just not sure…where to start,” Carol said, a shiver running down the length of her spine and settling in the pit of her stomach. Fear.

“No shit, Mom.” Carol raised a brow at the curse but Rindy continued before she could interrupt. “You haven’t smiled in weeks, you’re barely talking. Abby has been here almost every day I have because you can barely do anything.” Carol cringed at the harshness of her words but nodded nonetheless. Rindy wasn’t wrong, and as much as it hurt to hear, it had to be said.

“Something happened to me, Rinds. And I want to tell you all of it. But there’s a lot and I’m afraid of hurting you,” Carol said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I never wanted to hurt you.” Rindy’s hard eyes softened, her shoulders lowering from her ears as she relaxed back into the couch.

“Seeing you like this is hurting me, Mom. I miss you – the _real_ you,” Rindy replied, quieter now. She gasped softly when her mom finally met her eyes, revealing blue that was clouded over with tears. “Please,” Rindy breathed. “Tell me.” Carol held still, watching her daughter’s face. Finally, a small, bitter smile twitched at the corner of her lips and she nodded.

“Well,” she sighed, leaning back. “I guess I need to start by saying…” Carol took a deep, shuddering breath before clasping her hands and looking into her daughter’s eyes, “I’m gay.” When Rindy didn’t move in response, Carol’s brow furrowed; her frown only deepened when a smirk slowly crept across Rindy’s face.

“Mom, duh.”

“What?” Carol gasped, eyes wide.

“Even if I was too blind to notice the way you look at that one cashier at the store,” Carol flushed a deep red as Rindy continued, oblivious, “Aunt Abby let the cat out of the bag last year.”

“Of course she did,” Carol muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose with her index finger and her thumb. She looked back to Rindy. “And you don’t care?”

“I mean, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t tell me before now, but no, I don’t care. Why would I? You’re still my mom. Always have been, always will be,” Rindy said, smiling at Carol. Something welled in her chest as tears spilled from her eyes. Any doubt she may have had about how she raised her daughter was gone: she knew now that she could not possibly have raised a better person. Sputtering out a laugh, Carol tilted her head back to press her fingers under her eyes and halt the tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Carol said, trying to stop the flow. “There’s a reason I haven’t told you, and I’m getting to that. But I need to say this first,” Carol paused then, waiting for Rindy to nod in acknowledgement before continuing. “I want you to know that I love you, very much. And so does your father. What I’m about to tell you is going to change a lot, and what I do with the information I’m about to share with you is totally up to you.” Carol reached across the table then to take her daughter’s hand. “You are the most important person to me, Rindy. What you want is what I will do, okay?”

“Okay, Mom.” Carol took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled before she nodded.

“When we first got together, your father and I had a decent relationship. Not perfect by any means, but decent. Peaceful. Then you were born, and things changed. He started drinking a lot, he would come home angry. For a while it was just fighting, but then he started throwing things.” Carol looked down at her twiddling fingers, unaware that they had begun their motions. “Then he started hitting me,” Carol said quietly, flinching at Rindy’s loud gasp. She reached forward and delicately flipped over a photo by its edge. “It got worse as time went on,” Carol continued, flipping over another photo. “I stayed because I wanted you to have two parents, because I wanted you to be safe and happy. He made it clear that if I ever tried to leave, he would take you from me.” Another photo flipped with a soft _swoosh_.

“I tried so hard, Rindy, to make it work. But by the time I decided to leave him, I was…mostly empty. You probably don’t remember; you were only four. I was quiet, I didn’t talk much.”

“So exactly like you are now?” Rindy interrupted, lifting a brow. Carol paused for a moment, face blank. Then, she nodded, letting out a laugh that rasped in dismay.

“I suppose you’re right, huh? I finally realized that I wasn’t doing either of us any favors by staying, so I filed for divorce. Your father was…livid. I left that night with this,” Carol said, turning over another photo. “The next day he handed me an envelope, full of pictures of--” she paused, frowning, “Pictures of Abby and I. Together.” Out of the corner of her eye she could see Rindy scowling, but she found she couldn’t lock eyes with her daughter at the moment. “He told me if I didn’t comply to his demands, he would make sure I never saw you again.”

She pressed her fingers to her eyes and drew in a shuddering breath, desperately trying to retain her composure. Apparently, she had been quiet for too long, because Rindy’s soft voice met her ears.

“What were his demands, Mom?”

“If he ever found out I was seeing anyone, he would release the photos. Amend the custody agreement. Take you from me.” She smiled bitterly into her clasped hands. “And I agreed, because at least I would get to see you. It worked for about ten years. I went out in secret every once in a while, kept myself hidden. But then…” she trailed off into a whisper.

“You met someone,” Rindy finished her sentence for her. Carol could only nod in return.

“Her name is Therese,” she said softly.

“What happened?”

“I let myself…I fell in love. But then he found out. He said if I didn’t stop it immediately, he’d take you. So, I stopped it, because I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Mom!” Caro looked up at Rindy, shocked. “Why didn’t you fight back?” She shrugged listlessly in response.

“As awful as he was to me, he loves you endlessly. I didn’t want you to lose your father because of me.” Rindy shook her head in disbelief, laughing softly to herself.

“Mom, that’s bullshit.” Carol frowned, opening her mouth to retort but Rindy stopped her with a lifted hand. “It’s bullshit, because you deserve to be happy. He may be my Dad, but anyone who treats people like that deserves exactly what’s coming to them. He _hurt_ you, Mom. He held me over you for years, stopped you from being happy even after you guys got divorced.” Rindy went quiet then, leaning down to flip over the rest of the pictures. Behind the hard expression on her face, her eyes glittered with tears. Carol watched her daughter with a solemn but blank face, hands cinched together in her lap. “What’s your plan?” Rindy asked finally, dragging her eyes from the photos.

“Abby and I kept endless records of the…the injuries. We have photos, voicemails, texts, evidence of his own _misconduct_. We can send them to our lawyers, to the college, to the media.”

“It could be everywhere in a day,” Rindy said, eyes widening slightly. Carol nodded, eyes trained on a photo of a bruise that had once blossomed across her shoulder and collar.

“But if it gets out, Rindy, he’ll go to prison. He’ll lose any custody of you, he’ll lose his job, his reputation. You won’t see him again for a long time. I couldn’t do that to you without you knowing the whole situation, and before now…I never had a reason to tell you.” Rindy nodded, eyes slightly distant as she drifted into thought. The two sat in an uneasy silence for several moments, Rindy watching the wall, Carol letting her eyes wander over the photos. It was Rindy who broke the quiet.

“She must mean so much to you. I know you would never say any of this if you felt you had any other choice.” Carol nodded, a soft smile on her lips. Rindy took a deep breath then, finally letting her eyes meet her mother’s. “I meant what I said. Just because he’s my dad doesn’t mean he’s not a bad person. He deserves to be in prison, and you deserve to be happy.” Rindy reached across the photo-strewn table to softly take her mother’s hand. “I’m in.”

The tears that had been burning the backs of Carol’s eyes suddenly burst forth with a gasping cry. In a moment of emotional outburst, her knees found the table as she clambered across it to pull her daughter into a tight hug. Rindy pressed her face into her mother’s neck and Carol felt the wet heat of tears on her skin. She smoothed a hand across her daughter’s golden locks.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” she whispered, pressed a soft kiss to her daughter’s temple. Rindy pulled back to smile softly at her mother.

“You made me.” A fresh wave of tears crashed over Carol, and she laughed softly while nodding. “Now,” Rindy said, pulling back and gripping her mother’s shoulders. “What’s the first step?” Carol smiled back at her, vision blurred with tears.

“I’ll call Abby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter stressed me tf out. it was a hasty addition to the outline i've had since i began writing this fic, and it was my first time delving into rindy's character, who up to this point i'd left relatively untouched. i hope i did it justice. thanks for reading everyone <3


	19. Chapter 19

“Okay, Abby. Remember: what are you not to do?”

“Talk,” Abby replied with a scowl, arms crossed against her chest.

“Very good,” Carol said while nodding, throwing an anxious glance over her shoulder down the empty hallway. The two women had been conversing for moments in hushed voices, and while Abby was rearing to go, something had been painfully tightening in Carol’s chest. She briefly chewed on her lower lip, missing the way Abby’s face softened.

“Hey,” she said quietly, “Are you okay?” Carol shrugged, half of her lips twitching up into a gentle smile.

“No,” she answered honestly. “But I will be.” They gazed at each other in silence for a moment before Carol nodded and stalked down the hallway, Abby on her heels. The last time she had been here was so dark, and even in her memory her vision was blurred with fear. This time, though, Carol thought she might be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Her hand caught on a doorknob, and before she could reconsider, she threw open the door.

A very startled Harge jumped behind the desk, his look of shock fading into one of disdain as he took in the two women striding into his office. Abby shut the door and leaned against it, arms and ankles crossing. Carol moved to sit in the chair she had sat in the time before, but this time she was oozing confidence. She breezed into the seat, crossed one leg over the other, and stretched her arms across the back of the chair; the entire time, her gaze was locked onto Harge’s. He scowled, eyes flickering from Carol to Abby and back again.

“I don’t recall summoning the dyke brigade into my office,” he started, sneering. At first Carol’s eyes rolled, but then something in her shifted. She had to remind herself why she was here. Even if he didn’t know it, she had the upper hand; but playing that final ace would throw a wrench in both of their lives. As much as he deserved what may come, there was a small part of her that secretly hoped she would be able to convince him otherwise.

“Harge,” she began, leaning forward to brace her forearms across her knees. She looked into his eyes now not with venom but with an odd sense of sympathy. “It’s time to give this up.” He raised a brow in question, upper lip curling to reveal his teeth.

“Give what up?” he replied, cocky and cool. Carol could only smile faintly at his attempts to intimidate her. At one point that would have worked, more than worked – they would’ve reduced her to a quivering mess. But now she felt his grip loosen, felt herself able to breathe more freely than she’d been able to in a decade.

“Your control over me,” she returned bluntly, lifting a hand to wave it in a dismissive gesture. “It’s time to let me go. I’m not yours anymore, I haven’t been for a long time.” She held his gaze despite the fiery anger that burned there. He pressed his palms to his desk and made to stand, but a sharp noise from Abby caught his eye and he slowly settled back down.

“I still have the pictures,” he tried. “Of you and Abby, of you and _Therese_. She may have graduated, but my influence extends far beyond this school, Carol.” Carol nodded in acknowledgement of his words, head tilting. His eyes still held the venom, but now there was something else there that she hadn’t seen before. She found herself grinning when she realized what it was that she now saw – fear.

“Mm, true. But I have pictures too, Harge,” she alluded. Feigning boredom, she began to drum her fingers on the arm of the chair, her other hand lifting to run through her hair. “I have more than just pictures. What I have, Harge, could ruin you.” Her eyes drifted off into the distance as she spoke. “For ten years I’ve been holding onto this because I didn’t want to hurt Rindy, take you away from her. I let you control me so I could still be there for my daughter.” She tilted her head now, lost in thought. Her gaze snapped back to him when he laughed abruptly.

“Take _me_ away from her?” he cackled. “I’ll take her from you. I still will.”

“Even now, you can’t let go,” Carol sighed, eyes closing and opening slowly. “This is your last chance, Harge. Give it up, give me the photos. Let me go, and this is the last you’ll hear of this.” Harge was quiet now, cold eyes scanning her face for any hint of bluff. Finally, he sat back in his chair, leering.

“She must be a good lay if you’re risking your daughter for her.” Red hot rage seared through Carol’s entire body; her nostrils flared as she attempted to remain calm. Behind her, she heard Abby growl. She took a deep breath, locking eyes with the man who had tormented her for the past thirteen years.

“I love her, Harge. She is better than you. Hell, she’s better than me. And for some godforsaken reason, I think she loves me too.” She smiled softly, eyes misting over in the face of his hatred. “I’m done letting you dictate what I do. It’s time for me to fight for myself, for her. Give me the photos, Harge.” He stared at her, jaw working slightly. Carol watched the vein in his forehead pulse and despite the control she held over him, she still felt her muscles tensing to flee.

“Over my dead body,” he growled finally, teeth clenched and lips curled. Carol sighed and stood, walking toward the door.

“You’ve made your choice,” she said over her shoulder before moving through the door Abby had opened for her. The women moved outside in silence, Carol’s eyes locked straight in front of her. Surrounded now by fresh air instead of the stale air of Harge’s office, she drew in a shuddering breath and put her hands on her knees. The tension that had tightened her muscles to springs loosened then, leaving her in the form of tears that dripped down her cheeks. Abby smoothed a hand down her back before pulling her up by her shoulders.

“Hey,” she said, gripping her upper arms and locking her eyes onto the misty blue ones. “You did it. You’re okay. It’s okay.” Carol nodded and hiccupped, smiling despite the way her lips trembled. “I’ll start sending things out, we need to move faster than him. You need to go now, okay? Go.” She nodded again and brought a shaky hand up to wipe her face. Abby smiled at her then, uninhibited. “I’m so proud of you, Carol. You deserve this.”

“Stop it,” she said, pushing Abby away by her shoulder, “or I’ll never stop crying.” Abby laughed at this and held her bag out to Carol, who accepted it wordlessly.

“Go, Carol. You need this.” Carol smiled back at Abby before turning and making her way to the road, arm lifted in search of a taxi.

***

Therese threw her bag across the table as the door slammed behind her. She slid her headphones down to rest around her neck and kicked off her boots before sitting down at the table, arms crossed on its surface. Letting her head fall forward to rest on her arms, her eyes drifted closed with a heavy sigh. It had been a week since she had sent her manuscript to Carol and she’d heard nothing in return; it was finally starting to set in that even after that, it was still over. A fist gripped her heart and squeezed, and for a moment all she could focus on was forcing each breath in and out of her chest.

She sat like that for several moments, rasping out breaths, before a knock at the door startled her out of her reverie. Standing, she rolled her eyes. Figuring Dannie had forgotten his key once more, she walked over without much thought.

“Dannie, you have got to—” she said while throwing open the door, the words dying on her tongue as she saw her at the door. _Carol_. Her mouth opened and closed several times, eyes wide in surprise. There were dark circles under her eyes and her cheekbones were more prominent than they had been before, but it was her. She was here, in the flesh, giving her the softest smile. Therese timidly extended a hand to brush across her cheek; Carol’s own came up to hold it against her, and she leaned into it.

“Hi,” the blonde rasped. It was just then that she noticed her eyes fogged over with tears. Her brow furrowed as she took in the woman before her, and she wrapped a hand around her waist to pull her inside the apartment. A soft gasp fell upon her ears as she shut the door and gently nudged Carol back against it, her own body stepping close enough to feel the heat blossoming between them. Therese swallowed hard, convinced now that she wasn’t dreaming.

“Hi,” she said quietly. “What are you--? I mean, why—I thought?” she stopped and looked down, frustrated by her lack of words. Before her thoughts could spiral, Carol’s voice cut across her consciousness.

“I have a lot I need to explain. Can I—I mean, can we—?” Carol gestured with her free hand to the table, also at a loss for words. Therese nodded mutely and untangled herself from the blonde, both of them internally regretting the loss of their contact. They moved over silently and sat across from one another; Therese sat limply with her hands in her lap, not quite able to believe that this was happening. Carol, on the other hand, was fidgeting – one hand moved through her hair while the other tapped on the table. Underneath, a leg was jiggling.

“I missed you,” Therese suddenly blurted, eyes which had been previously locked on the surface of the table now finding Carol’s. “Why did you do that? Leave like that?” Carol held her despite the tears that welled, releasing a trembling breath.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you,” she began. Sensing the fear in Therese’s gaze, she reached across the table to grip her hand and pat it softly. “Please, just listen, okay?” Therese nodded then, chewing on the inside of her lip.

“I told you my marriage wasn’t perfect, that Harge drank a lot, that we fought,” she began, pulling her bag off her shoulder and drawing out the folder that rested within it. “What I didn’t tell you,” she continued, slipping a few photos out, “Is that he hit me. More than just hit me. He—well, he abused me,” she said, seeming to chew on the word _abused_. Even though she knew full well that’s what it was, it still took considerable effort for her to vocalize it. She slid the photos across the table to Therese in silence, watching the way green eyes widened in shock and then narrowed. Before the rage could take over, she continued.

“I needed to escape somehow, and I…well, I cheated on him,” Carol said, looking over Therese’s shoulder instead of at her. “With my friend Abby. Please know that I wouldn’t…I don’t—” she stopped suddenly when Therese found her hand and smiled at her softly. Carol smiled in return before she kept speaking. “I stayed with him for a long time, despite the violence, because I wanted to be there for Rindy. Eventually I realized that I wasn’t really _there_ , and what was the point of sacrificing so much that I hurt my daughter?

“When I worked up the nerve to tell him I wanted a divorce, he lost his mind.” She closed her eyes against the images of that night, but still her fingertips fluttered up to brush over a long-healed bruise on her cheek. “He had photos of us. I don’t know how he got them, or when, but he knew. He knew he couldn’t keep me with him if he didn’t want the abuse getting out, but he knew he could control me even still. He said if I tried to move on, find someone new, he would take Rindy away entirely.” When she opened her eyes now, they were watery.

“So, what did you do?” Therese whispered.

“I agreed,” Carol said with a dismissive shrug. “At least then I was free, and I could be a mother to my daughter without worrying about getting hit, or whipped, or—” she cut off when she saw something darken in Therese’s eyes.

“Your back? Nose?” the brunette growled, hands clenching into fists on the surface of the table. She nodded in response and gave her a small smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said quietly. “The only person who knew about any of it was Abby.” Carol paused to take a deep breath. “For ten years I stayed within the plan. I had the occasional one-night stand, strictly anonymous and uncommitted – and then I met you.” She locked eyes with Therese then, giving her a truly genuine smile. “There was something about you I couldn’t shake, and even though I was absolutely terrified, I knew I couldn’t give you up. But—”

“He found out,” Therese interrupted suddenly, face hard at the realization.

“He had photos,” Carol said, nodding. “He said he’d take Rindy. He said he’d frame you for plagiarism, ruin your career.” Pursing her lips to the side, she looked away to hide the tears that threatened to spill. “I could stand myself getting hurt, but I couldn’t let him hurt you like that.” She jerked her gaze back when Therese’s fist hit the table.

“I told you that day that I would fight for you, Carol. That I wanted to fight through it together,” she said, voice trembling. Carol’s eyes widened when she found her gaze and realized she was crying. “I don’t care what he said he could do, I would’ve been by your side through all of it,” she continued through clenched teeth. “I wanted to be there.”

“I know,” Carol said softly, crying now too. “I should have let you in, Therese. But I was _so scared_ ,” she said, her voice cracking at the end. She paused and cleared her throat. “I was so scared for you, and for Rindy, and for me, I did the only thing I knew to do and pushed you away. I thought if I cut you off, you would move on and be okay.”

Therese’s lips pressed into a thin line, her eyes betraying her and glancing down to her own arms. No longer an irritated red, soft lines still danced down the skin of her wrists.

“Well, I wasn’t,” she said shortly, bringing her arms in to wind around herself. Carol stood suddenly and moved around the table, crouching next to Therese. Gently she grasped her arms and turned them over, face impassive as she took in the scars tracing across her skin.

“I know,” she finally whispered, gaze still locked on her arms. “I’ve hurt you so much, Therese.” Her thumb brushed across a line gently, eyes flickering up when Therese shivered in response. “I was trying to do what was best, but in doing so I hurt everyone. I hurt you, and I hurt Rindy, and I hurt myself. And I’m _so sorry_.” Softly she brought Therese’s wrist to her mouth and pressed a gentle kiss to the scars, eyes fluttering; she missed the way the brunette’s lashes fluttered, too.

Continuing to crouch in front of her, Carol kept talking, wrist held just a breadth from her lips.

“It was your note, your words, that made me realize what I’d done. It was you, Therese, who made me realize that it was time to fight. I’d refrained from doing anything for so long because I didn’t want Rindy to lose her father, but when I saw how much we all were getting hurt I realized that it was time to take back my life.

“As we speak, thorough documentation of his abuse is being sent to various sources. He’ll most likely be arrested within the next few days.” Sighing, she pressed another kiss to her wrist, fingers tightening on the skin as if it were a lifeline. “I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but it won’t be pretty. But Therese, if you can find it in yourself to forgive me…” Carol sank to her knees, shifting to clasp both of her hands in her own. When she looked up, she found Therese’s green eyes scanning her own.

“ _It would be her, in a thousand cities, a thousand houses, in foreign lands where they would go together, in heaven and in hell_ ,” Carol recited, looking into Therese’s eyes. The brunette gasped, brought her hand to Carol’s cheek.

“My writing…” she whispered, lips quivering. Carol nodded back at her, daring to smile.

“When I read those words, I knew that it would always be you, Therese. Through heaven and hell, through the good and the bad. I know I’ve made mistakes but I’m here now, begging. If you can find it in yourself to forgive me, I—” Therese cut her off with a finger to her lips. Her face was blank for a moment before it cracked into a smile.

“I meant what I wrote,” she said softly, hand shifting to place two fingers under Carol’s chin and draw her closer. “I will always fight for you.” Carol gasped softly at this, tears flowing anew and hands lifting to thread through Therese’s hair as the brunette pulled their lips together in a kiss. They stayed like this for several moments before pulling back, foreheads pressed together.

“I love you,” one whispered.

“I love you too,” the other replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm sorry it took me so long to post the next chapter, life has a way of throwing everything at you in one go. Things are finally dying down, so I thought it was about time I end y'alls suffering <3 I've had this chapter planned for a very long time, and I'm so happy with the way it came out. I hope you all like it too.


	20. Chapter 20

Therese’s eyes flickered open to the soft clacking of computer keys. An occasional hum or frustrated sigh drifted through the still air to meet her ears, and a warm but stiff body shifted slightly next to her own. Without moving, she allowed her eyes to drift over the room, tracing the curve of the shadows around the large bookcases and the art that adorned the walls. Something in her breathing must’ve alerted the woman next to her, because there were several hasty clicks followed by a hand tracing down the line of her back. She stretched under the soft touch before turning over onto her back.

Carol smiled down at her, black-rimmed reading glasses perched on her nose, hair ruffled from sleep. Therese smiled back at her, breath catching at the love that radiated off of the woman next to her. She lifted a hand to push back an errant curl, her thumb tracing the line of Carol’s cheek. It had been several days since the two had come together, most of it was a blur for Therese. A happy blur, but a blur nonetheless.

They had had several long conversations. Therese had pressed Carol for more details about her abuse, and Carol in turn had dragged every detail of Therese’s breakdown out of her unwillingly. Therese spent hours then, finding each scar and mark on Carol’s body and kissing them, smoothing out the hurt that still lingered below the surface. The night before, Carol had insisted on massaging lotion into the scars on Therese’s arm; after, she brought her arms to her face and kissed them, eyelashes tickling the sensitive skin.

Carol tilted her hand into Therese’s palm, eyes closing. Despite the smile that lingered on her lips, there was a tension in the line of her jaw. She sat up, sheets pooling around her waist, and brought her other hand up to frame the opposite side of Carol’s face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, fingertips tracing the soft lines that crinkled at the edges of her eyes. Carol shook her head and lifted a hand as if to dismiss her concern.

“Oh, nothing—”

“Carol,” Therese interrupted, frowning slightly. She shifted her hands to run her thumbs over the tense muscles in her jaw, pulling at the strain. “Let me in. You don’t have to hide anymore.” Carol stared at her for a moment, motionless, before a sad smile tugged the edges of her lips. Her eyes softened as her jaw loosened under prying fingers.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “Force of habit.” Turning her head, she pressed a kiss to Therese’s palm before turning the laptop that had been resting on her thighs toward her. On the screen was a news article. “Harge was arrested this morning,” Carol said, chewing briefly on her lower lip. “My lawyers called, Rindy’s going to be staying with me indefinitely. At least until this all gets figured out.” Therese beamed at her.

“That’s fantastic,” she exclaimed; the smile faded when the worry crept back onto Carol’s face. “Isn’t it?” Carol nodded, eyes shifting back to the laptop screen.

“Of course,” she said, almost distracted. “This is all I’ve ever wanted. But Harge being arrested means court, and court means testimony. The media are having a heyday – the dean of NYU arrested!” Carol inhaled slowly through her nose. “They’re going to start in on me soon. My reputation won’t be the same, and I’m certainly not going to come out unscathed.” She made eye contact with Therese then. “You won’t either.”

“Carol,” Therese said softly, pulling her face back to hers. “I know that. I’m okay with that, and I’m here for you.” The blonde’s eyes misted over softly, and Therese leaned forward to brush her lips over her cheeks. “Let me fight for you. Whatever happens, I will be there for you. With you.” She pulled back slightly to force eye contact. “But you need to let me in, okay?” Carol nodded.

“Okay,” she said softly, smiling. She closed the laptop with a quiet click, setting it aside. “I’ll be picking Rindy up from school today, I’d like you… I mean—” she stopped and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” she said, laughing softly, “I’ve never done this before. Will you meet her? I mean, do you want to?”

Therese stared at Carol for a moment, a small smile frozen on her lips. Under her gaze, Carol began to falter, brows coming together in concern. She looked down at her hands then, fingers wringing. “I’m being silly. It’s too soon, and so much has happened. Forget I said anything, we can—” Two fingers pressed to her lips, and she looked up. Therese was beaming again, the bright green of her eyes slightly hazy with emotion.

“Yes, Carol. Of course, I want to meet her. I’m sorry I took so long to respond, I’m just so—” she pulled her hands away to flap them in the air, an attempt at conveying that which she could not put to words. “Happy. I spent hours thinking about this, meeting your daughter, your friends, being a part of your life.” She looked down shyly now, having admitted what she spent countless amounts of time daydreaming about. “I never thought that this would happen, that I’d get to be with you _like this_.” Carol smiled fondly at her, fingers shifting to card through brown hair.

Therese leaned her head back into the hands, eyelids fluttering. Her smile shifted slightly, edging from elated to coy. “When did you say you had to go pick Rindy up?”

“Around three,” Carol said, glancing at the clock. When she looked back to Therese, she found her gaze heavy-lidded and almost predatory. A blush started at the base of her neck, creeping upwards steadily under her stare. Therese moved then, coming to sit gently on Carol’s outstretched legs; the blankets fell from her and the blonde gasped, having somehow forgotten that Therese had fallen asleep completely naked the night before. The brunette smirked then, fingertips playing along the rising line of her blush.

“So,” she breathed, nails lightly skimming the sensitive skin below Carol’s ear, “We have time, then?” Shivering, the blonde slid her palms up the smooth skin of Therese’s thighs to grip her hips firmly. Therese rocked playfully in her hold, smirking when she heard her breath hitch in her throat.

“We do,” Carol rasped back, fingers tightening, nails pressing against the skin lightly. Therese let her lashes flutter at the sensation before wrapping her arms around Carol’s neck, leaning forward to skim her lips along the line of her jaw, the curve of her neck, then back up to her lips. Carol met hers insistently, trapping her lower lip in between her own and sucking lightly. Therese groaned into her mouth, leaning forward to press her chest up against Carol’s. Her hands slid then, one moving up from her back to tangle in her hair and pull slightly, drawing her away; the other hand slid along her stomach until it found her breasts, fingertips rolling one of her nipples gently. Therese shuddered under her touch, head tilting and back arching into her touch.

Moving her fingers with more pressure, Carol smiled then, leaning forward to drag her teeth along the line of Therese’s jaw. Her actions were met with a soft groan, and she tightened her fingers in her hair, reveling in the soft gasp that her actions elicited. When she felt Therese’s hips start to squirm against her own, she chuckled softly.

“Do you like that?” she whispered, pulling more for emphasis. Therese gasped again, nodding when words failed her. Carol slid her hand across her chest, thumb and index finger tugging firmly when they found their mark. _What that a whimper?_ _God_. Carol’s eyes almost rolled back into her head at the wanton noise that escaped Therese’s throat, a surge of arousal shooting into the pit of her stomach. She lowered her head to wrap her lips around one of her nipples, sucking and biting as Therese writhed against her.

“Carol,” she said suddenly, panting. “Please.” She rolled her hips, seeking friction; Carol stilled her with a hand, and she groaned in response. Releasing her breast with a soft pop, she drew a line of kisses up the line of her neck before pulling her earlobe between her lips and biting it, tugging softly.

“We have time, don’t we?” she said, pressing a smug grin against her skin. Therese sank her teeth into her lower lip, trembling when Carol’s thumb traced along the junction of her thigh and her hip. Her hand slid lower then, fingers pointed down, to cup her center gently; as she did so, she delivered another sharp tug to her hair. Therese sank down into the touch, hips rocking. Carol rewarded her with a kiss, pulling back slightly to whisper against her lips, “Good girl.”

Before Therese could fully react to the statement, the blonde slid a single fingertip over her, brushing it softly against her clit. Her hips jerked in response, a soft cry escaping her. Carol held her hair firmly, mouth skimming down to dance along her collar. She latched onto the bone there, placing her lips on soft skin and worrying at it with her teeth. As she began to apply light suction, she brushed over her clit once, then again. Therese gripped Carol’s shoulders as she moved her hips after her fingers, breath ragged. Carol dragged her teeth once over the mark she had been making before laving her tongue over it, sending a shiver down her back. Her hand shifted again, thumb coming to rub softly at her clit as she slowly slid two fingers into her.

Carol closed her eyes for a moment, trying to control herself. They’d had sex several times since coming back together, but each time it had been soft, loving. There was something special to that, but there was something electric to this. As Therese sank down onto her fingers, hips lifting and dropping, she felt her reserve slipping. She opened her eyes to see Therese’s face inches from her own, eyes closed and mouth open in pleasure, shifting as she rode her fingers.

“Fuck,” Carol whispered, tugging Therese’s hair to expose her neck and dragging her teeth along it. She traced the same path again with her tongue, groaning when she felt her grind down and roll her hips in a circle. Pleasure throbbed in her, begged for release; Carol found her own hips shifting along with Therese’s as she moved. Sensing her need, Therese dropped a hand down Carol’s body and found the heat between her thighs. Even as Carol began to move her hand to meet her hips – causing her legs to tremble – she slid her fingers past the shorts that Carol had slid on earlier and met slick heat. Their lips met in a crash of need as Therese sank two fingers into Carol, palm grinding against her clit.

The two moved together, a mess of sweat and heat. When Carol sped her thrusts up into Therese, she curled her own forward and rubbed her palm in fast circles. Both of them quaked as Therese pressed her weight into Carol. Her tongue slid along her lower lip and Carol opened her mouth, swallowing the moan that followed a particularly firm brush of her thumb. They found a steady pace, hips rocking, lips pressed firmly together.

“Carol,” Therese whimpered into the kiss. “I’m—” She cut off when Carol bit and tugged on her lip before resuming their kissing.

“With me, please,” Carol gasped, rolling her hips harder into Therese’s hand. The brunette could only nod in response as the capacity to speak left her. Carol groaned when she felt her tightening around her fingers, her own thighs beginning to shake. Therese’s back arched, and the cry that left her was enough to send her over the edge after her, thighs pressing firmly together against her hand. The two clutched each other for several moments, kissing in between fervent gasps.

As their muscles finally loosened, their kisses softened. Carol pulled her fingers out slowly. When she lifted her hand to lick her fingers clean, Therese met her eyes and did the same. They kissed then, both groaning at the tastes of themselves on the other’s tongue. Then, Therese collapsed into Carol, burying her face in her neck and sighing against her. Carol ran her fingers through her hair, resting her chin on top of her head.

The two sat in peaceful silence for a few moments, luxuriating in the afterglow and comfort of one another. Carol broke the silence with a soft chuckle.

“I didn’t know you liked having your hair pulled so much,” she said, kissing the top of the brunette’s hair. Though she couldn’t see the flush that swept over her cheeks, she could feel the heat of it against her skin. Carol continued before she could respond, “It’s hot.” Therese laughed then, her giggling dragging Carol along with her. They fell quiet again before the brunette pulled back finally and met her eyes.

“I love you,” she said. Carol smiled and leaned forward, kissing her softly.

“I love you too, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life is chaos, enjoy a fluffy sex scene.


	21. Chapter 21

Carol’s hands found Therese’s shirt collar and slid it down as she tutted at the younger woman.

“Therese, you look amazing. I promise.” The brunette fiddled with one of the buttons on her shirt, face ashen.

“But what if they don’t like me? What if I’m too quiet, or shy?” she whispered. Carol smiled softly at response. As much as it pained her to see Therese so anxious, there was something incredibly endearing about the love of her life being so nervous to meet her daughter and best friend. She placed two fingers under Therese’s chin, tipping her head up to make eye contact with her.

“You love me, and so they will love you. Just be yourself, okay?” Therese swallowed hard as she looked into Carol’s eyes, searching the icy blue for any signs of concern. When she found nothing but love and that self-assured confidence that first drew her to Carol, she finally exhaled and allowed the tension to flow from her shoulder. Her hands slid to wind around Carol’s waist, fingers slipping over the soft fabric of her dress. She drew her close.

***

Abby had rung just as Therese and Carol were dragging themselves from the bed; apparently news had broken of Harge’s arrest, and there were reporters with cameras lingering along the perimeter of Rindy’s school. Watching Carol blanch at that news, Therese had pulled her back onto the bed and wrapped herself around her, fingertips playing in the baby hairs along the nape of her neck. The two decided that Abby would pick Rindy up from school and explain as calmly as possible what had happened; meanwhile, Therese and Carol would make themselves presentable and they would all spend the evening together.

While the thought of being around her most treasured people had filled Carol with a gentle warmth, Therese began to spiral. Their roles reversed then, Carol pulling Therese into her lap and tracing continuous spirals along the soft skin of her back. Despite the soft murmurs in her ear and the gentle fingers down her spine, Therese was still stricken with panic. As much as she loved Carol, if something went wrong with Rindy (or even Abby), then it would be the end. Though she’d spent plenty of time around kids when growing up in the home, she was out of practice.

Carol had nudged Therese out of her lap and drawn them both up and into the bathroom. It wasn’t until they rested under the hot water of the shower that Therese relaxed, shoulders lowering from her ears, body loosening enough to lean into Carol’s.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, eyes closed against the stream of water. Carol’s fingers, which had been running through her hair, stilled suddenly.

“For what?” she said, tugging gently to tilt Therese’s head back.

“I’ve made this about myself. You couldn’t go get Rindy because there’s literal paparazzi trying to find you, and I’m panicking about meeting your daughter and friend.” Therese scowled, fingers digging into Carol’s hips. She hesitated in opening her eyes, anxious at what emotions she may see swirling in those icy eyes. When she finally looked, she furrowed her brow at the mirth that glinted back at her, the corners of the blonde’s eyes crinkling in silent laughter. Carol’s hands slicked down her back, fingers gently rubbing into the tense muscles.

“Angel,” Therese flushed at this, but remained silent. “I expected the crowd, I knew this is something that would happen. While I am stressed, I am nowhere near distraught.” Her fingers dipped lower, sliding along the flare of her hip. Therese’s lashes fluttered at the touch and she pressed her forehead to Carol’s shoulder, desperately trying to pay attention. “What I couldn’t have expected, however, was the deep concern you feel over meeting my family.”

“I know how important they are to you. I just want them to like me.” Carol smiled fondly down at her before shifting to press a kiss to her forehead.

“And they will.”

***

The door opened on the other side of the apartment, Abby and Rindy’s chattering voices filling the quiet space. Carol pressed a chaste kiss to Therese’s lips before pulling out of her hold, fingers finding hers and pulling her along.

“Carol?” Abby called, the soft warmth of tease in her voice. “Are you two decent?” Carol rolled her eyes as she stepped into the main room, Therese in tow.

“Very funny, Abigail,” she replied before turning to her daughter. Her hands found her shoulders, squeezing softly. “Rinds. How are you?”

“Mom,” Rindy whined, drawing out the word as she attempted to sidestep out of her hold. “I told you, I’m fine.” From her position several feet back, Therese found herself struck by the sheer similarity of the two. Both had the wild curls, blue eyes, and sharp cheekbones that made Carol so stunning. There was that look of determination in her eye, a fiery will, that made her smile. She was definitely her mother’s daughter. Rindy caught her eye and nearly pushed Carol aside as she stumbled over to Therese, wrapping her in a hug.

Therese initially stiffened, arms ramrod straight at her side. When Rindy’s grip persisted, she slowly brought her arms up to wrap around the girl’s shoulders. From where the girl’s face pressed into her shoulder, she felt a gentle murmuring and hot breath through her clothing. Therese tilted her head to hear her better. Rindy pulled back slightly then, to make herself heard.

“Thank you,” she said softly. Her nose nuzzled into the dip of Therese’s collar and she tightened her arms on her. “For bringing my Mom back.” Therese’s face flushed; one hand lifted to gently cup the back of Rindy’s head.

“Oh, I—” she began.

“It’s true,” Carol interrupted, stopping her denial in its tracks. Therese’s gaze flickered between the two blondes, eyes wide and lips parted in surprise. Carol stepped forward then, placing her hand over one of Therese’s, the other coming up to squeeze Rindy’s shoulder. “If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would’ve done what I did.” The trio lingered in a silence for a moment before there was a sharp clap of hands.

“Alright!” Abby nearly yelled, shocking the others back into the present moment. Rindy pulled away from Therese and flashed her a shy smile, which the brunette quickly returned. Abby, oblivious as always, continued talking while fluttering around the apartment. “We’ve got pizza, Mario Kart, and enough controllers for everybody.” She pointed one at Therese, arching a brow in good humor. “I hope you came prepared to lose.” Therese could only smile back at her, suddenly understanding what it was about Abby that pulled Carol to her.

***

The night passed in a flurry of activity, the four crowded around the tv and jeering at one another over the course of their games. At one point, when Carol had been leading the entire race, Therese had slid her hand over to tickle the inside of the her thigh -- a spot she knew was ultra-sensitive from hours of exploring her body. Carol flailed, the remote slipping out her her hand and clattering several feet away. She scrambled as Rindy zoomed passed her and into first; as she crossed the finish line, she and Therese high-fived. In the midst of their celebrations, Carol moved behind Therese, wrapped her arms around her waist, and leaned back to pull her out of her place and dig her fingers into her sides. The brunette’s surprised squeak quickly had quickly morphed into wheezing laughter as she tried futilely to crawl away from the older woman.

Rindy eventually jumped in in defense of Therese, hopping up on Carol’s back. Abby, not one to be left out, joined the huddle and started attacking whoever she could reach. The four ended up in a massive pile, heavy breathing and flushed faces and scattered laughter. In the midst of their pile, Therese had turned to find Carol’s eyes and saw them misty with tears. She had given her a small smile, private and intimate, before leaning forward to kiss her. In return, Carol mouthed ‘I love you’ at her before she squealed as Rindy’s hand once again found the back of her neck.

Rindy excused herself to her room soon after the end of the wrestling match, and the remaining three lounged on the couch, Carol and Abby upright on separate sofas, Therese stretched along the length of one with her head in Carol’s lap. Carol’s hands moved gently through her hair as the three spoke, and Therese found herself struggling to remain attentive to the conversation.

“So,” Abby began quietly. “Talked to your editor recently, Carol?” The question struck her as perfectly harmless, so Therese was shocked to feel Carol stiffen against her. Despite the fiery glare she was shooting at Abby, the redhead only snickered under her gaze. The hand in her hair began moving again, and Carol spoke without looking at her.

“Now Abby, I know you think she’s hot, but you’re a married woman,” There was a subtle tease to her voice that made Therese chuckle. Abby gasped and brought a hand to her chest, scathed.

“Alex knows very well that no matter where I look, I will always end up back with her at the end of the day,” she retorted, flashing both women a lopsided grin. Carol rolled her eyes and swiftly delivered another jab, to which Abby responded with astounding speed. Therese, worn out from anxiety and unable to keep up with the two, chose to simply bask in their banter.

There was something special in being able to see the two bicker affectionately; Therese knew there was a smile reserved solely for her, but she could see now that there was also a smile reserved solely for Abby. The smile saved for Therese was soft and open, promising vulnerability and stolen kisses. Therese’s smile made her heart flutter and filled her with a gentle warmth. The smile saved for Abby was sarcastic and sharp, the edges of her mouth twitching in barely restrained laughter, lips twisting as she delivered another sharp jab. Abby’s smile was witty and almost flirtatious, unrestrained in a way Carol was often not. Therese allowed herself to settle to the tune of their jabbering, eyes slipping closed.

Before she knew what was happening, Carol was jostling her awake with a gentle hand on her shoulder, her other hand smoothing soft lines through her hair. Abby smiled over at Therese from where she stood putting her coat on, knotting her scarf neatly around her neck. Therese blinked and lifted a fist to rub her eyes as she reluctantly sat up.

“Geez, I can’t believe I fell asleep. I’m sorry, I—”

“It was lovely to meet you, Therese,” Abby cut across her apology, eyes glittering with emotions that Therese wasn’t quite able to decode. “I’m glad I finally had the chance.” Swallowing the lump that had built in her throat, Therese could do nothing but nod mutely. Carol’s hand brushed across her shoulders as she moved to let Abby out the door, the murmured goodbyes drifting over the air to her ears. She sat back on the couch, tilting her head back into the cushions and allowing her eyes to close.

The couch next to her sank down after a moment, followed by the weight of Carol's arm as she leaned against her. She opened her eyes and turned to press a soft kiss to her neck, smiling lazily into the skin when she felt the blonde shiver. When she pulled back to lock eyes with Carol, she was met with unshed tears.

“Carol?” Therese said softly, running her fingers along her cheekbone. “Are you okay?” Carol simply grabbed Therese’s hand and pressed a kiss into her palm, her eyes fluttering closed. The two remained there for several moments, Therese’s gaze never leaving her face. When Carol finally opened her eyes, she smiled into her skin.

“I love you,” she said simply. _I love that you’re here with me. I love that they love you. I love who I am with you. I love who we are together._ Therese smiled then, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

"I love you, too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone <3 I feel like I've really left you hanging but as I've approached the end of this fic, I've also been slapped in the face w/ graduate school, workplace chaos, and other not-so-fun life antics. i hope i haven't lost too many of you as i try to get the last few chapters of this posted. bear with me. i hope you all are well and staying safe.


	22. Chapter 22

_Six months later_

Carol ran a shaky hand through her hair as she closed the apartment door behind her. Several paces ahead, Therese was bustling around the room, putting coats away and pouring a hefty glass of bourbon. Carol narrowed her eyes at the glass, but Therese shoved it into her hand with a soft _tsk_ ing noise

“Rye makes you depressed, bourbon relaxes you. No arguing,” Therese chided, the look in her eyes simultaneously hard and soft. Somewhere inside of her, Carol felt a sharp squeeze at the subtle reminder of just how _much_ Therese cares for her. Carol heaved a resigned sigh – with just an edge of dramatic flair, for effect -- and took a sip, eyes closing at the feel of it burning down her throat.

“You’re right. Thank you,” she rasped as the stinging subsided. She stood awkwardly in the hall, long arms coming to wrap around her torso as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. Despite being in her own space, far away from the haunting events of today, there was an uneasiness she couldn’t quite shake. A crinkle appeared between Therese’s brows as she took in the woman in front of her, fingers itching at her sides with the need to do something, _anything,_ for her. Carol’s eyes, which had been drifting along the floorboards, pulled up to lock with hers. The intensity within them screamed for help, and she knew she couldn’t resist their call. Therese approached her then, reaching up to wind her arms around the taller woman’s shoulders and tug her down into an embrace. Carol stepped forward and leaned into her, nuzzling her nose into the junction of her neck and shoulder. As Therese began to tangle her fingers in the soft hairs on the back of Carol’s neck, she felt the taller woman let out the smallest of sighs. Some of the tension finally began to drain from her shoulders, but still something coiled in her spine that Therese’s fingers couldn’t seem to work out.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, her words halting, as if she were afraid to hear her love’s answer.

***

_6 hours earlier_

Therese squirmed against the rough grain of the wooden seat, right hand absently fidgeting with the hem of her white shirt, her manipulations dragging the shirt from her waistband, where Carol had so gently tucked it earlier that morning. Her free hand ached with the need to hold Carol’s, but the blonde was across the room from her, facing the crowd that had gathered in the benches. She looked stoic, face unmoving; only Therese could see the soft trembling of her lower lip, the nervous bob of her head, and the way her shoulders pulled up toward her ears. Therese tried and failed to ignore the pain in her chest.

In the deafening quiet, Harge’s rough voice suddenly broadcast across the room, full of malice and rage. Therese tried desperately to listen, to try to understand what exactly it was that Carol had gone through, but all she could focus on was the exceeding emptiness in those blue eyes as the words of the past washed over her. Even from a distance, she could see her jaw begin to slack, her fingers wring together in her lap. If it weren’t for the threat of being removed from the room, she’s sure she would have stood to help, to try to do something, by now. The recording ended with a soft click, and silence fell again over the courtroom. The silence was broken by the soft clearing of a throat, and a man stepped up to Carol, who visibly shook herself back into the room. He paused, as if giving her a moment to collect herself, before speaking loud enough to be heard by the room.

“Can you identify who is speaking on this tape?”

“Hargess Aird,” Carol responded, eyes unseeing, voice wet with unshed tears. Catching the unnecessary show of emotion, she hurriedly cleared her throat, and the lawyer offered her a sympathetic smile.

“Where did you get this recording?”

“The night I told him I wanted a divorce. I—my friend, she told me to wear a recording device. In case anything happened,” she said, eyes shifting nervously around the courtroom. Carol swallowed and lowered her eyes. Therese knew she was wringing her fingers together, because she was too.

“This was said to you?” Carol nodded, mute, sucking her lips into her mouth in an effort to stop their trembling. “And this,” the lawyer continued, gesturing to a photo displayed on a projector. The photo was a front shot of Carol; her nose was black and blue, with dried blood lingered above her lip. A dark purple bruise bloomed over her right eye, which was swollen shut. Carol pointedly did not look at the photo, already having memorized its details. Therese attempted to drag her eyes away, twisting in her seat at the uncomfortable white-hot rage that burned in the pit of her stomach. “This happened that night as well?”

“Yes—” Carol’s voice broke. She cleared her throat and began again. “Yes. When I tried to leave, he punched me in the nose and broke it. He had a gun—” the words died in her throat and she looked up suddenly, waving her fingers in front of her eyes to ward off the tears. Therese bit her lip to muffle a gasp of surprise. In all the months they had been together, all the obstacles she had overcome, Carol had never been able to talk about the night she left him. She’d tried several times, despite Therese’s insistence that she wait until she was truly ready; each attempt had left her sobbing in the brunette’s arms. Her limbs burned now as she fought the urge to rush the witness stand and take her away from here, as naïve as that thought may be.

“He had a gun,” she continued finally, voice wavering. “He pointed it at my head and said if I left, he’d kill me. I told him I’d rather be dead than continue living with him. I called his bluff. So, he hit me in the face with the gun, hit my eye.”--she gestured to her face as she spoke, demonstrating—“Then he stormed off; I don’t know where he went, but I got out as fast as possible.” Carol took a deep breath then, signaling her conclusion. She slumped back in her seat, the energy drained out of her.

The trial had been dragging on for two weeks at this point, forcing Carol to relive each and every trauma and terror of her disastrous marriage to Harge. Today had been different; today was the day she took the stand. It had been a grueling six hours, Carol forced to explain the situation behind every photo, every recording, every voicemail and threatening text. The blonde took a shuddering sigh. Across the room, Therese yearned to hold her.

The lawyer patted the edge of the wooden box that had been Carol’s prison for the day.

“Thank you, Ms. Ross.” He turned to face the judge and the opposing counsel. “The prosecution rests.”

***

_Present moment_

Carol pressed her lips to the soft skin of the Therese’s neck and lingered for a moment. The hand not cradling the glass of bourbon nudged up under the back of Therese’s shirt, fingers splaying along the small of her back. The brunette leaned into her slightly as warmth seeped along her spine, fingers continuing to card through the older woman’s hair. The silence hung heavy in the air; Therese could feel the soft brush of Carol’s mouth opening and closing several times.

“I will be,” she said finally, softly. Despair gave the words a rough edge, and Therese dropped her head to run the tip of her nose over the shell of her ear in understanding. The two stood like that for several moments, unwilling and unable to move from this moment. Finally, Therese let out the softest of sighs, her hands slipping from Carol’s hair to press gently on the tops of her shoulders.

“Come on,” Therese said, soft but firm. With her hands she began nudging the women across the room, down the hall, to the bedroom. “You need to rest.”

***

_Two weeks later_

The pop of a champagne cork rang out from the kitchen just as Carol cracked the door to the office. She paused in the doorway, listening to Therese’s surprised laugher with a small smile on her face. Even when she was alone in the room, she still giggled at what amused her – Carol’s hand fluttered over her collarbones, trying to ward off the flood of emotion that threatened to once again rise in her throat.

It was the day of Harge’s sentencing. The trial had been tumultuous and difficult; several days, Carol lie borderline comatose on the couch with Therese tucked under her legs, fingers dancing under her shirt and along her spine to provide the only comfort she was able to give. The two would have an uneasy sleep and then drag themselves back to the courtroom the next day. Therese had had to quit her job at the record store in order to be at the trial – much to Carol’s dismay. But she was unwavering in her support. Despite Carol’s insistence otherwise, she was still there every single day to provide silent support across the room.

Harge’s defense had no way to fight off the storm of evidence Carol had supplied, and so they’d quickly thrown out an insanity plea. The prosecution had brought in countless psychiatrists, coworkers, former lovers – all of whom attested to Harge’ ability to scheme, strategize, and manipulate. His plea was tossed out without issue, and he was found guilty of first-degree assault and felony domestic violence.

The judge appeared to take pity on Carol, commenting during sentencing that only the strongest of people could endure what she had faced in the past decade. While she had fought the sobs that threatened to wrack her body, Therese’s hand firmly rubbing up and down her spine, the judge announced that Harge would be receiving the maximum sentence possible – 25 years in prison. He would never again have custody of Rindy and would never again work in the education sector. It had been then that Carol curled forward in her seat, nearly falling to her knees before Therese wrapped strong arms around her waist and pulled her up, holding her close. Carol cried for many reasons: in relief, that her plight was over; in guilt, that she had no fought back sooner; in anger, that she had to endure this in the first place; in joy, because he was _gone,_ and it was _over_.

Carol shook her head suddenly, dragging herself back to the present. The package in her hands felt heavy with promise, and she bounced it in her palms as if to test its weight.

“Carol?” Therese called from the end of the hallway, poking her head around the corner, a nervous smile on her lips. “You okay?” At the look of thinly veiled concern on her young writer’s face, Carol could only smile. The past decade had been living hell, but in the end she had gotten exactly what she wanted: her daughter, her freedom, her peace, and her love.

“Yes,” she said softly. “I’m amazing.” She walked forward and tucked the package under one arm, accepting the flute of champagne the brunette offered her with the other hand. Therese eyed the parcel suspiciously, a curious smile playing across her lips. Carol’s heart fluttered suddenly, a wave of anxiety washing over ever nerve. Cheeks flushing, she walked to the kitchen table and set down her champagne; she then extended her arm to her lover. “Come here. I want to give you something.”

With a tilt of her head, Therese moved over to lean against her lover’s side, relinquishing her grip on her drink as Carol took it and gently set it on the table. The blonde held the package in both hands once again, eyes locked on the brown paper wrapped around the outside, oblivious as Therese wrapped her body around her own.

“What is it, Carol?” Therese said softly, after a moment of waiting, lifting a hand to brush across the blonde’s flushed cheek, thumb dragging gently along the line of her cheekbone. Carol looked up at her suddenly, as if remembering she were there, before smiling. Shyness emanated from her; an emotion wholly unfamiliar to the both of them. They watched each other, Carol grinning bashfully, Therese’s fingers playing soft patterns down the line of her jaw. 

“This is all because of you, you know,” she said suddenly. When Therese opened her mouth to protest, she pressed a chaste kiss to her lips to silence her. “Don’t argue with me. I never would have had the strength to do what we’ve done if it weren’t for you, if it weren’t for your words.” She fell silent again for a moment, eyes downcast once more at the parcel in her hands. Therese ghosted her lips over the line of her jaw, waiting. Over their months together, Therese had grown accustomed to the time Carol needed to say the things that mattered. Even as she hummed softly in her ear and drew her nose down the line of her neck, she could feel the gears turning in her lover’s head. She pressed a small smile into the skin of her shoulder, fingers playing along the hem of her shirt.

Finally, Carol drew in a deep breath, leaning as she did to press her cheek to the top of Therese’s head. “When you sent me that manuscript, I was overcome with its beauty. Your words were so powerful, so poignant, so magnificent,” she said quietly, looking down at the paperbound parcel in her hands. Her fingertips drew along the string that bound it all together. Her shy smile then drew into something smaller and more pensive, but no less thoughtful. “When I said your words needed to be read, I meant it. And when you sent me your manuscript, it felt like you finally believed me,” she finished, finally looking up to lock eyes with the woman wrapped around her. She handed the parcel to Therese. “Open it,” she whispered.

Therese took the package into her hands and held it with near reverence, tracing its edges. The paper crinkled as she adjusted her hold on it, the heft of it dragging her fingers down. Turned to set it on the table, her weight pressing back into Carol to keep her close. Therese peeled back the paper to reveal a hardcover book. A dark green lined with the softest gold, the thick book had paper like that of a scroll, thick and textured. Therese ran her fingertips across the edges of the pages, awestruck. She turned the book over in her hands and gasped at the large, ink-black lettering on the cover: _Losing Her._ Several lines down, the words _by Therese Belivet_ were etched in flowing script _._ Tears swam in her vision as she looked up at Carol, mouth agape.

“I can’t believe it. You—How did you--?” her voice broke into a croak. Carol lifted a hand to gently brush the pad of her thumb across Therese’s now tear-streaked cheeks, smile soft and warm. A flush colored her cheeks pink so that she matched Therese’s tear-reddened cheeks.

“I have a lot of connections. I’ve been working with my editors for these past six months, getting this ready for publication. I don’t know if you noticed how often I would slam my laptop shut or click out of something when you walked by, but....” She trailed off and shrugged, that shy smile returning to her face. Slipping her hand around to cup the back of her neck, she continued softly. “All that’s left for you to do is the dedication…and to decide if you want your photo in the book.”

Therese pulled her into a tight hug suddenly, the book trapped in between their bodies. The brunette buried her face in the blonde’s shoulder; Carol pressed her nose to her hair and inhaled. It was several minutes before Therese responded.

“You know,” she began in a voice that was almost coy. She leaned back then to smile at Carol, face damp but radiating joy. “Someone very important to me once said that the words need to be able to speak for themselves.” Carol couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well,” she said quietly, once the laughter died. “That’s that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! i'm still here, i promise. thank you all for being so patient. this thing is so close to done, i couldn't just leave you hanging. after this chapter, there's just the epilogue (which i appear to have written half of already in a stupor? so hopefully you won't be waiting too long, haha), so i knew i needed to eventually power through my block and my crazy life and finish this up for you. 
> 
> i really appreciate everyone's continued support and comments as i work(ed) my way through my first multi-chapter fic. this has been a massive endeavour for me, and as we approach the end of it i just want to say thank you, and that i cherish all of the comments you all have left for me.


End file.
